Monday, March 21, 2005

Sick is Scary

Yesterday, Neil got sick. It started shortly after a trip to our bagel shop for lunch. He was nauseous and his whole body felt weak. We thought it was brought on by the fumes from cleaning stuff we were using to clean the bathroom at the time, but he kept feeling ill for the rest of the day. We went to sleep at 11 and he tossed and turned and at 2 he woke up and went into the kitchen where he got dizzy and light-headed and then puked. The point of this is not to describe Neil's illness as much as it is to point out that I was terrified by it. Neil is never sick, so I am sure that was part of it, but I also just got worried.

"What if he doesn't get better," I wondered. "What if he has a really bad kind of poisoning?"

When I'm sick, I don't think those thoughts about myself. I just think, "Must get better, must get better." It's that caring about someone else thing that got me last night. I wasn't sick, so I had enough time to worry about Neil.

We're pretty sure he got sick from the lox on the bagel... and luckily, he is feeling better (but not all better) today. When we woke up this morning and he was the right color again, I felt a huge wave of relief. It felt so good, that I didn't mind all the worry from the night before. I love being in love with someone so much that it feels wonderful when a worry about their well-being fades away. Not sure if I'm making a whole lot of sense here -- it's been a long day.

Friday, March 18, 2005

The Rudest Guy Ever

Tonight, like many other nights, Neil and I went to the gym after work. We both hopped on elliptical machines and started moving. I listened to my iPod and Neil was tuned into one of the televisions. Suddenly, even though my volume was up 2/3 of the way, I heard a very loud sound. It took a moment, but I tracked the noise to a man two machines over who was, I discovered, holding a cell phone to his ear and shouting into it.

"Tell me about your life, man!" he hollered. "I want to hear what's up with you!"

These were not statements that needed to be shouted, but they were being shouted nonetheless.
Right behind this fine specimen of a human was a sign that said something like, "Don't use your cell phone." (The sign was a bit more polite.)

At first, I thought that he might just be talking very briefly. I reasoned that I might take a really important call at the gym and set up a time for a later call back. I expected that, at any moment, my fellow gym member would say (a bit more softly), "Well, I'm at the gym so I've got to go, man." But the minutes ticked by and we were subjected to his shouting.

Cell phone man looked like a nice enough guy. He had dark hair that was a little spiky in front and those thick plastic glasses that have become increasingly cool among the 30-something set. He was wearing a normal white t-shirt and some striped workout pants. He had three days worth of stubble on his face, but it made him look rugged, like the kind of man you might meet at the mountain bike shop or the ski area. But his shoes were another story. He had white Nikes with a black swoosh and a big orange stripe that went right through the swoosh and looked spray painted on the shoe. I wondered if they were from an outlet or something and had to be marked with orange paint because he didn't pay full price? Or maybe these spray-painted shoes are cool now? I have no idea. He also had a very dated Sony armband walkman strapped to his left arm. There have been at least three generations of portable music players since that thing was made, so you know he's not the hippest guy around.

As the man continued to shout into his phone for 5...6...10 minutes, my dislike for him grew. I became a less mature version of myself as I turned to Neil and made an obnoxious gagging sign which I knew full well that Cell Phone Man could have seen reflected in the dark window in front of us if he weren't so self absorbed. Neil did an exaggerated thumbs down gesture and the two of us kept looking at Cell Phone Man and rolling our eyes.

Why I let Cell Phone Man bring out the worst in me, I'm not sure. It was just amazing to me that he somehow thought it was ok to have a 15 minute conversation on the precor at the gym while at least ten other people were in the room with him. It was even more amazing that he was able to shout that loud for that long while working out. The other day I was wondering what little annoyances I have coping strategies for. I suppose that when I am really annoyed by an inappropriate cell phone talker, I gag, roll my eyes and act like an adolescent. (all behaviors that are much cooler than shouting into your phone at the gym.)

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Great Minds

The other day I told someone about moving to Washington D.C. next November and whoever it was said, "There are a lot of great minds in Washington D.C." And now I have this image in my head of a bunch of wise brains sitting around in cigar bars without their bodies. I realize this is completely bizarre, but that's the image I have. Instead of thinking of something obvious like the Washington Monument, or the Capitol building, I think of brains smoking cigars. Lovely. I wish I could remember who said that to me so I could properly thank them.

Letters

Last night I wrote six letters. Not e-mails, but handwritten letters. This is something I used to do all the time, but now I am out of practice. It seems that if I am not in front of a keyboard, I have trouble composing sentences. The pen in the hand just doesn't do it for me like it used to. I probably have about 20 journals that I wrote between 4th grate and the end of high school, but when I got to college, the writing by hand dropped off and I poured my heart out in e-mails to friends. Now, I have this blog and e-mails and everything I write for work is typed. I love technology, but it is a little bit sad that it's robbed me of the simplicity of pen and paper. I'm going to try to write letters more often in the hopes that I will be able to get that skill back.

Basketball

I am not the world's biggest sports fan. I like sports. Basketball is one of the few that I can actually watch on TV, but ask me to name teams and players and forget it. Since March Madness is beginning, I have been sucked into participating in two bracket competitions. One is for some money and I had to pay $10 to be a part of it, the other is at work and administered by my boss who plans to give the winner a day off! I love money, but I'm really hoping to win the day off. Perhaps my complete lack of statistical knowledge or season history will help me?

I wonder how many people across the country participate in this kind of gambling.

Taxes

Based on the results of this year's taxes, I should become a republican. (But don't worry, I'd have to be completely insane to do that.) Today, I feel like a grownup because I'm totally bummed about money. The biggest benefit of childhood is blissful ignorance about money in particular.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Snow Day

Well, after I posted those photos last night, it continued to snow and when I woke up this morning, the amount of snow on my lounge chair had doubled. (of course, I was in too much of a rush to photograph it this morning.) This snow would not be extraordinary if I lived in Santa Fe, or Chicago or someplace else, but here in Albuquerque, we don't get snow like this. Usually, there is a light dusting once or twice a year, but that's it. Snow does not accumulate on cars and trees and streets. It just flutters down and melts. But here we are in March and we have a full-fledged snow day.

All the schools and colleges and some of the courts in town are closed today. For about 10 minutes, I entertained the idea that my office might be closed too, but no such luck. So, here I am. I felt a little bit insane driving to work this morning because there were only about five other people on the road. It was bizarre. Then, despite the fact that I was only driving 30 miles an hour, I got to work 20 minutes early. Pleased with my earliness, I decided to go to Starbucks. Apparently everyone else decided to do the same thing and by the time I got my grande latte with 2% milk and my lowfat blueberry muffin, I was 5 minutes late to work. Sometimes I really excel at defeating myself.

While in line at Starbucks, I got to read the actual print edition of the New York Times. Right on the front page there was an article about how people have tactics they use to fight little annoyances. The first example in the article was about the complete lunacy of the sizes at Starbucks and a man who refuses to order a "Tall, Grande or Venti" and instead says small, medium and large. Another man gets so annoyed by the little subscription cards in magazines that he sends them all back blank so the magazine has to pay for postage. I am sure that I must have tactics like this... but, other than telling telemarketers that we're on the Do Not Call list and hanging up, I can't think of any. I will admit that I often entertain the idea of ordering a medium at Starbucks, but I am just not brave enough. It's so serious in there and people are so practiced at rattling off their drink orders and when I get to the front of the line, I just have to compete. "Grande percent latte, please."

Side rant: Someone who just flew in is in the front entry of the office right now and my co-workers are standing around complaining about air travel with her. I have two thoughts about this: 1) I had assumed the airport might be closed, but apparently it isn't 2) It totally sucks to be forced to make small talk with strangers in business situations.

The Board

I am going to be on a board of directors. That's right, just as we learned we're moving, I was asked to serve on a board of directors for the university's art museum and gallery. I wrestled with this. I couldn't say no and explain the move, because the woman who asked me to do it is a CEO of a credit union. And, I realized, that I actually want to do it. I love art, was looking for a way to get involved with the university and actually may have something to offer the group because of my PR skills. So, I am going to be on a board for seven months which really seems like SUCH a grown up thing to do. But I am positive that I'm not really grown up.

Monday, March 14, 2005


Perhaps one of the best photos to document the amount of snow that fell in less than three hours. I believe it's still coming down right now. Posted by Hello

On Saturday, it was 75 degrees and sunny here. I wore sandals. This is a photo of my backyard today at about 4:30 in the afternoon. Posted by Hello

It snowed today. It snowed soooo much. I left work an hour early and drove home at 20 mph in order to avoid crashing. When I got home, I took a picture of Wiley in the snow.  Posted by Hello

Friday, March 11, 2005

Friday With Pollen

It's Friday and the sky is blue and I am wearing sandals and there is pollen everywhere which means that, while I may look cute in my spring shoes, my eyes are red and puffy. Urgh.

This morning, I got caught in a really bad traffic jam. It took me 30 minutes to get to work and usually takes 12. I realize that in larger cities, this might seem like nothing, but to me this morning, it was really annoying. It was one of those days when I woke up in the morning and thought, "I'm looking forward to going to work today." And then the world conspired against me to keep me from working. When I pulled into the parking lot after surviving the traffic jam, I noticed that one of my tires was completely flat and had a nail sticking out of it. Fun fun fun.

With help from a co-worker, I got the tire pumped up and drove to the tire place where they told me the wait would be 45 minutes to an hour and a half. Kind of a large window, so I called another co-worker to pick me up. All of this fun activity made it so I didn't get to work until about 10. Now I am at my desk and the sun outside is totally distracting. Maybe I'm not so excited about working today after all...

I had some deep and fascinating ideas for this post, but I am so annoyed by the day that I completely forgot what I was going to post.

I was looking at my free traffic report from sitemeter.com and I noticed that a ton of people are entering my site in the archives for May 2004. This is very strange. Since I don't pay for the traffic report, I can't find what search words are leading them there. Now I am wondering if I wrote something scandalous or really fascinating that month. I reread the posts and nothing seems out of the ordinary. Hmm. Maybe it's time to upgrade my traffic report...

I hope whoever reads this has a great weekend. I know I'm planning on it.
Hopping Mad

So, I am one of those people who saves all the receipts I get when I use my debit card and then takes them home and enters them in the checkbook in order to keep track of how much money I have. Today, in the midst of the "stupidest day ever" after I had been away from work for an hour and a half to pick up my car, I went to the ATM. I withdrew some money and then a bunch of buttons popped up on the touch-screen ATM. A quick glance revealed that the machine was asking me about my receipt, so I pushed a green "Yes" button only to realize that I had pressed, "Yes, Don't Print A Receipt" instead of the button below that said, "Yes, Print a Receipt". What moron programmer thought, "Hey, let's make two green yes buttons!" The level of stupidity in the world astounds me sometimes. From now on, I must remember that even the ATM may be trying to trick me.

This weekend, Neil and I are going skiing with my parents in Taos. Neil's never been skiing there and it is arguably one of the best ski areas in the world, so now that we know we're moving and this is our last winter here, we're going. I am a little nervous since it's been over a year since I've skied. Hopefully the spinning class has me in semi-good shape... I intend to kick all three of my skiing buddies' butts. (yes, I realize that this competitive spirit can be problematic...)

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

I'm in a text book!

That's right ladies and gentlemen...a silly newspaper article that I wrote about kickbikes back in 1998 (could that be right?) was chosen to be included in a textbook called "The Inquiring Reader". I found out that I was in the book by doing a search on Google for my name. What's funny is that the book was published in 2000 and I spent all of this time now knowing about my itty bitty bit of celebrity. (O.K. so the celebrity is only among the college-bound students who are forced to suffer through that text book, but still...)

When I found my name and the title of the article, "Kicking asphalt" listed in the table of contents of the book, at first I panicked. "What if I am in there as a bad example?" I wondered. So, last week, after knowing about the book for several months, I caved and paid the $50 to have it shipped to my house. Last night after work, the book was waiting for me on my porch. I opened the box with a bit of trepidation. It could have been my article used as a bad example, or it could have been someone else with my name's article... but, nope. It was my article with vocabulary words in it highlighted and a page and a half of questions about the article. I am even in the index!

This is the second book I know of that I am in. The first, I do not yet own, but it remains on my Amazon wish list. I think I am in the endnotes only, because an article I wrote in El Paso was cited.

Someday, when I have my own books published, I will not be as excited about these obscure references to me in other people's books. But for the moment, I'm thrilled.

Fondu

Last night I went to fondu for dinner with two women who I have recently become friends with. We were there for almost three hours and I had such a good time. They are funny and lots of fun and it was really refreshing to have lots of conversation with women that wasn't about work. Of course, as it always works out, just as we seem to be settling in to our life here and just as we are really making some good friends, we are moving. Yes, I still have about 8 months to enjoy these new friendships... but it's the whole knowing that we're moving thing that is still taking some getting used to. In any case, I am really happy to have some new friends.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Ahh Monday

So, it was a really good weekend! There was no relaxing to be had, but it was good.

Friday night we went out with our friends Ryan and Shay (very fun friends) and ate at a restaurant called Graze. Previously, I had walked by and looked at the menu and decided I didn't want to eat there, but I realize now that was a huge mistake. It's basically an upscale tapas place and the food was amazing. While it was also, rather amazingly expensive, I would really like to go back as soon as possible. Yumm.

Saturday, we worked off the food at our second spinning class. Last week was the first and both weeks kicked my butt while making me feel good about myself. I spent the rest of the day hanging out with my mom, which was nice. Then I went to dinner with Nancy and we saw Bride and Prejudice which rocked in so many ways. There's nothing like a romantic comedy in which people randomly burst into cheesy song. You have to know what you're getting yourself into, but this movie is a riot.

Sunday, my dad was in town and Neil and I took him to the zoo to look at the new Africa exhibit where we got to see the Red River Hog for the second time and between it's amazing ears and funny squealing sounds, it kept us laughing for a good five minutes. What an amazingly strange looking animal!

The afternoon was spent at a baby shower where I got to decorate tiny little t-shirts for Rebecca's soon-to-be-born baby. Then back to the house where I met up with the boys and went to dinner and the long-awaited Alison Krauss and Union Station concert which was even better than I thought it could be. If you have never heard Allison sing, get yourself to a CD store now, or go to iTunes and download something.

And now it is Monday and I am in a state of allergic haze. I have sneezed at least 75 times since waking up this morning. So, I have made myself an afternoon doctor's appointment to finally get some of the Allegra I need so badly. There's something magic in the way Monday can provide aggravation and disappointment. So long good weekend...

Friday, March 04, 2005

Suicide

I would like to say that I, unequivocally, hate suicide. My co-worker's nephew committed suicide today or last night? And she got the news on the telephone this morning. And now she is filled with pain and worry. Worry about her brother and sister-in-law and how they will get over losing a child. Pain for her own loss. I know this because she said so, and because, I have been in a similar position on a couple of occasions.

Now I want to clarify, I don't hate the people who commit suicide, or try to, but I do hate it that they somehow end up in that dark place and that despite people loving them very much, nobody can draw them back out. I hate that people have to feel so much pain and to end the pain they have to cause so much pain for others.

And I wish I could heal my friend. And everyone else who needs the kind of healing that suicide makes necessary. Better yet, I wish there was a pain removal system that left the person who was feeling suicidal completely happy and ready for a long long life. But there is no such invention and I can't really heal anybody. I can just give hugs and watch. And I don't know if being a witness to pain and grieving is a good thing. Does it help? Just being there?

My friend came into work this morning feeling sad and she hadn't even gotten the news yet. She was shaken up by a near miss car accident this morning and she was worried about an unhappy family member, but mostly, she just knew it was not going to be a good day. I think we sometimes have these premonitions. We know things are wrong before knowing what they are. Other times tragedy catches us completely off-guard. But more often than not, in my life, I have felt people slipping away from me.

I heard someone recently say that, "every day we get away with our lives." I don't love looking at life that way, but I believe it is true. Each day, we go about living our lives and we are always avoiding death, escaping it for one more day. Until we don't want to or can't escape any longer.

And in a sense, we also get away with our loved one's lives every day. Every day the people we love go on living, we are lucky. And when we do lose someone, it is our job, really, to honor them, by the way we live our lives from that day on.

I hate suicide.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

It's March: Marriage, TV on Mute, Moving and other Musings

Last night at the gym, I watched "Fox News at 9" without the sound. Actually, I had sound, but it was coming from my iPod and consisted of Lyle Lovett, Ben Harper, Fiona Apple and Allison Krause (you've gotta love the random function). Anyways, normally when I watch the news, in spite of myself, I tend to become completely captivated by all crime stories. If someone was shot in the South Valley over a drug deal, I need to know about it. When Neil tries to change the channel while I am learning about school children spotting a body from the school bus, I freak out. I am not proud of this. And I really can't even explain it. But last night, watching the news on mute, I realized how terrible it is. Every 30 seconds another map of New Mexico would show up on the screen with an arrow to the town they were talking about and then there would be a mug shot, an image of a bad traffic accident, or a house with crime tape around it. Basically, what I learned from the news last night was that a) bad things happened all over the state yesterday, b) someone drew sketches of Michael Jackson in court yesterday and c) a bunch of Rottweilers are in a big enclosed field someplace out in the country and they are either going to get to stay there or they are going to be euthanized for being "dangerous dogs" (this is the one part in the newscast where I could have benefited from sound.)

I don't really have any conclusions to draw from these observations, except that I need to lessen my obsession with crime and that lots of times local news is kinda lame. (But not when Neil is on.)

So, as of Tuesday, Neil and I have been married for 2 and a half years. It's so funny, because it really doesn't feel that way at all. I still feel like our wedding was only a few months ago. I think that is a good sign. We celebrated the 2.5 anniversary by going to the gym. Doesn't sound exciting, but it was just right. :)

We're going to Italy in about 2 and a half weeks and I am not quite ready for the trip. I bought some train tickets online for while we're there and the credit card company called me with a fraud alert. So I am relieved that happened while we were still here and I could clear it up. Frozen credit cards while out of the country are bad news. In spite of not being ready for the trip, I am really really excited to see my little brother. It's been an extremely long time -- half a year -- without any Dustin time.

And in other news, it is looking like Neil, the dogs, the bunny and I will be making a cross-country move at the end of this year. Yes, that's right, instead of moving to Canada, as I was tempted to do after the election, we're going to plop ourselves down in the thick of it and take up residence in the nation's capitol. (Please don't tell anyone I work with.) Knowing that we are most likely going to do this so far in advance is good and bad. I can't tell my work that I am moving in November when that's a whole 8 months away, but at the same time, how long can I keep it from them without being dishonest? And when do I start looking for a new job? Ahh... there are so many challenges to tackle between now and then, but in spite of it, I am really excited about taking this new adventure. I went to a meeting recently and the speaker studies people who are passionate about their work and she said that one thing all of the passionate workers had in common is that they were risk takers. Neil and I are definitely going to fall into that category come November...

And now a rant. Have any of you seen those promos on Fox about the Stars Without Makeup show? Basically they flash a bunch of famous women with no makeup on, or who were just caught in an unflattering moment and then they say, "You know you love it" or something like that. Now, I'm sorry, but I don't love it. I hate it. And I can't imagine watching a whole 1-hour special about it. Shouldn't every woman be able to go out of the house not looking her best and not fear having her photo snapped and flashed on America's TV screens? And if they are going to scrutinize actresses like that, where are the bad pictures of all the actors? Because you know not every paparazzi shot of George Clooney was taken from a flattering angle. I like reading Us Weekly and learning the celebrity gossip just as much as the next girl, but even if I were famous, I would be a little sad if someone collected all of the unflattering photos of me they could and put them on TV. Yuck, Fox, Yuck.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

My Dad Is Funny

My dad is a riot. Today, he introduced me to a new religion via a blog comment he left on an earlier post.

Our e-mails are as follows (Please note, these are the e-mails in their entirety.):

Dad: "I read your Blog and wrote a couple of comments."

Jodi: "Thanks for the comments... What is zorasterism??? -j"

Dad: "Some old funky religion. You can look it up. It's spelled Zoroastrianism I looked it up and it sounds like a good idea."

And so, I looked it up. The definition follows. I suppose that collecting good deeds to defeat an evil spirit is a good idea. Maybe there should be a Zoroastrianism revival? Perhaps, as my dad suggested, Paris Hilton will start the revival. But we'll probably have to wait another 20 years or so until she gets into her self-reflective 40's and turns to religion as a new method for self-promotion.

From Merriam-Webster:
Main Entry: Zo·ro·as·tri·an·ism
Pronunciation: "zOr-&-'was-trE-&-"ni-z&m
Function: noun
: a Persian religion founded in the 6th century B.C. by the prophet Zoroaster, promulgated in the Avesta, and characterized by worship of a supreme god Ahura Mazda who requires good deeds for help in his cosmic struggle against the evil spirit Ahriman
- Zo·ro·as·tri·an /-trE-&n/ adjective or noun

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Tuesdays Can Feel Like Mondays

Today was Tuesday, but it really felt like Monday. It's probably because: a) I didn't have any coffee until lunch and I am, sadly, addicted to caffeine. b) Yesterday was a holiday and even though I went to work, it didn't feel like a real work day. c) I had a foggy head because of allergies. In any case, today was Tuesday but really had the markings of a classic Monday, the dogs getting out of their part of the house and wreaking havoc, my favorite pj pants ripping because they got too thin from all the times I have worn them, a bunch of excessively large bills arriving in the mail ...need I go on?

In other news.. I can't believe the whole Paris Hilton Cell Phone Scandal. More reasons to like her: She is soooo entertaining -- even when she's not trying to be. But really, what kind of crazy lunatic puts topless photos of herself on her cell camera??? I am done trying to defend her intelligence. She might just not have any.

I listened to a really amazing book this week. (yes, listened... not read) Neil checked it out from the library to keep him entertained while commuting to the legislature during the two-month session. He liked it, so I decided to listen to it. I seriously couldn't get out of my car when I got to work each morning. Finally I decided to take the CD's in the house and sit on the couch and listen. It was interesting to be just listening instead of staring at a TV or computer screen...Therapeutic maybe. Anyways, I recommend The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, it was so much better than I could have imagined after hearing people talk about is ad nauseam when I worked at Barnes and Noble in 2002.

I feel like, in my personal and creative life, I am finally getting back to a creative place and it feels so good. It's been a long winter. I realize it's not over yet, but the seasonal Dairy Queen has re-opened and that's a really good sign that things are changing.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Flames Go Out

I think it is immeasurably sad that so many artists, so many of the most talented people the world is blessed with die early because of recklessness, or take their own lives. Hunter S. Thompson wasn't young when he shot himself yesterday, but he wasn't old enough yet either. I, of course, have no idea of the circumstances of his personal life, but it makes me sad that the world has lost another great and talented person.

In other news, have you all heard about the PBS/Buster the Bunny controversy? If not, go to this awesome video blog and check out the video about it. Basically, the government is censoring a cuddly cartoon bunny because in one show he visited a family in Vermont with two moms. I am so incensed by this blatant homophobia and censorship. I wrote a letter to Margaret Spelling...it is posted on Ryanne's blog and below:

Dear Ms. Spelling,

I am a 26-year-old heterosexual woman who grew up watching shows on PBS. Public Television helped shape my view of the world and I intend to let my children (when I have children) watch the educational programming on PBS.

I saw several portions of the Buster show where Buster meets a family in Vermont that is headed by two women and I thought it was WONDERFUL. That is exactly the kind of programming I hope my children get to see. Because, while, I don't choose to have a family like theirs, I certainly want my children to understand that some people do. I hope to raise open-minded and well-informed children so that they will not grow up to hate or fear what they do not understand.

How can children in America remain well-informed and tolerant if people in the government, like yourself, begin to censor media based on individual likes and dislikes? Regardless of whether or not the current administration agrees with homosexuality, the reality is that there are more than 250,000 children in the United States today who are growing up in households with same-sex partners as parents. Should our society ostracize those children and their families because they are different? Since when has our country been about punishing difference?

We thrive because of our diversity and same-sex couples are a part of that diversity. Certainly you can't think that those 250,000 children of same-sex couples all deserve to be marginalized? You can't shove reality in the closet and only present the types of families that you personally approve of in children's television and literature. Our job as adults in this world is to show children what is out there and let them make up their own minds. Pulling funding for a show like Buster is a tragedy -- not for the show's creators, or for PBS, but for the nation's children and for the beautiful complexity and diversity that for so long, Americans have been proud of.

Sincerely

Friday, February 18, 2005

Allergies in February?

I can't stop sneezing. I mean really can not stop. Every three minutes, whatever I am doing is punctuated by a series of sneezes. Also, my eyes itch. This itchy sneezy state has me feeling totally exhausted. I am sure that sneezing expends more energy than, well, not sneezing... so maybe that's why? Ugh. What on earth could I be allergic to in the middle of a very rainy February? I thought rain kept all the allergens trapped in the dirt and so I should be less allergic when it's raining. Hmm. Am I allergic to work?

This has been one of those weeks where I've hardly accomplished anything. I have been working, but keep getting sidetracked by little things and don't get to do the big stuff that would make me feel good. The stuff I could cross off my list. During weeks like these, I often dream of a different life. The Rilke line I quoted on this blog a few months ago, "You must change your life," keeps echoing in my head this week. I overheard that conversation at the gym the other night and then today, I read a big article about this former dot.comer who now has a goat cheese factory and 80 goats in Northern New Mexico. While that is not my exact dream, a big part of me thinks that would rock.

I know this may sound like I am melancholy, but really, I love it when I start to think outside of my current situation. It feels so refreshing -- like the world opens up and I realize that while my current job is important and those lingering tasks need to get accomplished, there is so much more out there and so many things are more important. I think it's hugely necessary not to allow ourselves to become defined by our jobs and by our daily lives. Only sometimes I forget that I think that way.

Apparently, my blog readers do not share my secret admiration for Paris Hilton. I would like to say that I still think she is pretty, only I didn't mean to imply that I would want to look like her. I really wouldn't. I like my Jodi-ness. I would like to steal some and I mean some of her clothes. And I stand by my longing to be worry-free about money. It's not like I sit up nights thinking about Paris Hilton, however. It was just a little confession... I am jealous of the girl, even though she's an airhead. Oh, also, I will admit that initially, I didn't think she was pretty at all and it is highly likely that I now think she is because she's so overexposed and I have had to look at so many pictures of her. I am sometimes weak. What can I say?

The weekend is nearly beginning. It's 5:35 on Friday. I am so psyched to go home! Happy Weekend everyone!

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Numbness, Walgreen's, Overheard Conversations and Paris Hilton

My left face is numb. I was going to say left lip or cheek, but really the strange heavy feeling extends to my nose and almost up to my eye. The reason for this numbness is that I had a cavity filled this morning... only my third cavity ever and the first that I actually had to be numbed for.

I have a great distaste for needles and so, I did my required freak out when I sat in the dentist's chair at 8:30, fresh from my shower and dressed in my "business dress" required at the office for a meeting taking place here today. I think I actually have little panic attacks when faced with being stuck with a needle. It's not pretty. My hands sweat, my toes twitch, I get all hot and sweaty and then cold and my breathing becomes irregular. At least twice I have passed out when confronted with a needle, so now I always warn people of this possibility. Anyways, it's true, the actual injection in my mouth didn't hurt very much and it made it so the drilling didn't' hurt at all, but that doesn't mean I'd like to go back for another one tomorrow -- or ever. Also, despite all logic, if I did have to get another shot in the mouth, I would probably still freak out in the same exact way I freaked out this morning, even though I know it doesn't hurt very much. Clearly this needle problem is a psychological disorder.

Last night at the gym, I overheard a snippet of conversation between songs on my iPod. A guy standing up said to a guy in yellow shorts on an exercise bike, "Do you ever think of doing something else?"

And the yellow shorts guy, with a pained expression on his face, said, "Oh heck yes!"

Then my iPod started playing a Liz Phair song that I haven't heard in at least six years. Even though I only heard two lines of their conversation, I am pretty sure that they were talking about careers and it got me thinking about how many people out there are doing things they don't really want to be doing. They just do it to make money. I bet that goes for the majority of people and that's hugely depressing. We think we're all advanced and civilized, but really, we created a society in which people can't survive without selling their souls to corporations and stuffing themselves into uncomfortable suits and skirts every day. (Yes, I realize that I may be overdramatizing this.) But the fact is, I would have answered that question the same way...

"Hey Jodi, have you ever thought of doing something else?"

"Heck yeah! I think about it every day."

Note to self: Start doing something else soon...

Last night after the gym, Neil and I decided to go to Walgreen's. I wanted mouthwash and those silly nose strips that girls in movies are always being embarrassed by, but actually do a nice job cleaning pores. Neil wanted candy, but ended up getting Gatorade. We got in line and the people two places ahead of us in line were using some coupon and buying the entire stock of some strange Easter candy bar. They had several boxes of the stuff and the cashier was scanning them one at a time and then all the systems crashed. We waited in line for about another 20 minutes only to be told we couldn't pay with debit and would have to produce cash. We, of course, didn't have cash, so Neil paid for his Gatorade and we left. Right before we lift this cute little pregnant girl, who couldn't have been older than 20, had to give up on buying milk and go home too. She was wearing pajamas, slippers and eye glitter and had a name tattooed to the back of her neck with some roses. Despite the fact that we were obviously very different, she seemed like someone I'd like to be friends with. I was behind her in line long enough to determine that.

When we got home, Neil and I both brushed our teeth and then looked for the mouthwash we had wanted to buy. Very strange.

And finally, a confession. I know I am supposed to be cool and intellectual and hate Paris Hilton because she's blonde and vapid, but actually, I am insanely jealous of the girl. First of all, she's incredibly beautiful and I can't stop looking at her. But then, she's just so lucky. I was reading an article in Jane Magazine where Paris said something like, "Last year was my best year ever as far as working goes! I hire people I trust so I have no idea how much I made, they handle it for me."

I am so jealous because I would love, for one day, to feel what it feels like to walk into a Louis Vuitton store, buy a $9,000 purse and not worry at all about where that would leave the balance of my checking account. I know that money is not the answer to life's problems, but I also know that I would have many fewer problems if money wasn't something I had to worry about. Lucky lucky Paris Hilton.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Cold Coffee

I just took a big swig of freezing cold over-creamed coffee (Folgers -- does that even count as coffee?) and I want to hurl. This is such a typical thing for a Monday morning that I am going to try to ignore it and move on with my life. Here goes...

So, it rained all day Saturday after raining most of Friday. Neil and I took a cue from the weather and slept until some obscene hour like 10:30. Then we got up and began to clean. OK. I started cleaning and Neil joined in reluctantly. We took occasional breaks, but really, we cleaned pretty much all day (you know, after sleeping the morning away) I guess that's what we get for being so lazy about housework since about November. Augh. Everything was such a big mess. But I feel immeasurably better now that I have a clean house to go home to. It's like I could take a deep breath again. Now, our house didn't look like one of those disgusting houses in the news or anything...In fact, some people would have probably said it looked clean. But I knew it wasn't clean and I was noticing the dirt on the floors and the clutter was getting totally out of control. So, long story short: I have a clean house and I am totally psyched to go home tonight and back in its clean-ness.

Yesterday, Neil and I went to the gym where I did my usual time on the Precor before playing racquetball with Neil. It had probably been at least a year since I'd played with him and even though I have not been playing at all, I think I improved. Neil and I determined that I currently play at about a D+ level and am approaching a C-... sounds underwhelming, I know, but it's very exciting to me. I have never excelled at racquet sports. Despite years of tennis lessons as a kid, I am still only sub-par. Strap me to a pair of skis or stick a ball in front of my feet and it's a different story, but little balls flying at me which I must hit with a racquet...let's just say that I have less luck in that department. Despite a lack of natural ability, I really like racquetball. It's so fun to smash that bouncy ball around the little white room. It's like entering your own little insane asylum and then hitting the crap out of it -- getting all your aggression out -- and leaving. O.K. I realize that is a strange analogy, but I think there may be something to it. Anyways, I am looking forward to more racquetball and more improvement. I'm aiming for a C+. Wish me luck.

And with that, I will be getting to work. High speed wireless internet should be functioning at my house by Friday!!!

Friday, February 11, 2005

Friday

It's Friday. This is good for so many reasons, chief among them, the fact that Neil and I have a reservation at the Melting Pot for chocolate fondu desert in honor of the upcoming Valentine's Day. Other reasons that it is good it's Friday include:

1.) Complete exhaustion from a long week can hopefully be remedied during two days of rest.
2.) Provided it doesn't get in the way of resting, perhaps our house can be rescued from it's state of serious disarray.
3.) Errands that have been put off all week can finally be run.
4.) I might get to see a movie.
5.) There is a new Desperate Housewives on this Sunday.
6.) And so on...

In other news, I have been thinking again. You know, thinking about the big stuff... life, goals, ambition, The Future. I'm not coming up with any conclusions, except for the fact that I'm ready for a new adventure. Maybe the trip to Italy to visit Dustin will help fill the adventure void momentarily... We'll see.