Patriot?

Oh shit. It happened again. Just when I was certain that I wasn't a patriot, that the American flag held no emotionalism for me... that while I believe in the political process, I was somehow above feeling patriotic, a man named John Haber had to go comentating on NPR's All Things Considered last night. His piece was about being an advance man at the 1984 convention when the Democrats reclaimed the American flag at their San Francisco convention. The radio piece was only 3 minutes and 35 seconds and all Haber talked about was how he came up with the theme for the address at that convention and decided to wave American flags even though the Republicans had claimed the flag as their own. When the 40,000 flags arrived they all said Made in Taiwan and volunteers removed the words from each flag with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips and then passed the flags out on the convention floor for all the atendees to wave during Mondale's address...

When the commentary ended, I found that I had a little tear in my eye. Crying about the flag? This was almost as bad as my American flag purchase (which happened by cover of night at a Wal Mart about a week after the Sept. 11 attacks). I suppose my purpose in bringing this up is that I am wondering why I am so ashamed to be patriotic? I really don't know why I view any surge of patriotism I feel as an ugly wart or a personality defect. Was I like this when a president I approved of was in office? I don't remember...Back then, there weren't so many things that would evoke patriotism.. We weren't under attack, there wasn't a deep divide in the country between the parties, there wasn't a war.

I know that in Mrs. Garcia's fifth grade class, I LOVED U.S. History. I was obsessed with Abraham Lincoln and I memorized all of the presidents in order. Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe Adams, Jackson, Van Buren, Harrison, Tyler, Polk, Taylor, Filmore, Pierce...you get the picture. When my family visited Washington D.C. that year, I was awed by the monuments and the historic places we visited. I found it amazing to be in the same place George Washington once was. So what happened between the time I was 10 and now that has made me so cynical? I'm not sure, but I have some guesses... George Bush? Terrorism? Embarassing and needless wars? Prison scandals? International shame?

But John Kerry spoke last night and he seems to have made a good impression. Balloons and confetti fell from the ceiling, the delegates cheered. I hope it was a big enough launch. I hope something amazing happens. I hope the Johns win the election and that maybe then, I won't be afraid to be proud of my country.