Breathing and Other Things of Import

Twice in the last several days, I have found myself having trouble getting deep enough breaths while at my desk in the afternoon. It happened first last Friday and I left early to get my inhaler (which I have for my VERY infrequent respiratory problems that occur while exercising) Today, I borrowed a co-worker's inhaler (I know.. not the best idea.. but it's the same as the one I have at home.) I am not too worried about this...yet. However, it is an incredibly humbling/frustrating experience to be literally gasping for breath. It makes me think about all of the potential failings of my body, all the little things my body does that I take for granted every day, all the ways in which my body and the systems it contains define me -- who I am and what I can do.

On the same tangent, I have found myself wondering about the bigger picture again lately... always a dangerous thought process on which to embark. I was thinking about the book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. We read it in my 12th grade Humanities class and I can still see the teacher, Mr. Kurth, standing in front of the class pointing his finger at us and asking us if we were living our lives with quality. And I guess that for the past few days, I have been trying to answer this question. When you cut through all of the stuff and get down to the basics, am I living how I want to live? Am I having genuine experiences? Am I impacting people/the world in ways that I want to? Am I living deliberately? The answer to all of those questions is probably a little yes and a little no. As frustrating as this line of thought is, it's also important to end up here every so often. Reassessing one's life and the path one is on is a necessity because when we live without thinking about how we're living, we stand to miss out on many chances to live a quality life... If any of this ever makes any more sense to me, I will try to elaborate...