ahhh... The holidays. Here I am, midway through the big finale of 2003. I spent the last five days staying at my parents' house in Santa Fe, always a weird experience since I no longer seem to fit there, in a literal and figurative sense. When I was in college or just out of college and my brother went to boarding school, my mom took over one of the bedrooms, leaving only the smallest room in the house as a guest room. That summer, my brother came home and converted half of the garage into a very cool room but since one wall is just an un-insulated garage door, the room is completely uninhabitable in the winter. And so, Dustin, Neil and I shared one room with two beds for the holiday. Dustin slept on the couch in the living room and Neil and I waded through the mounds of clothes that Dustin had strewn on the floor and the four suitcases I brought with me. (if you counted my purse, I brought a bag for each day of my stay)
Despite the crowded, displaced feeling I have at my parents' house, I had a really good five days. I saw a bunch of high school friends that I now only see once a year. I did the annual Christmas Eve walk to look at the faralitos and bump into people I know. I got to spend some quality time with a few friends. I saw Rachel's wedding dress. I made lattkes for a last-chance Chanukah party with my family on the 26th. I went to the Catamount, which has somehow become a holiday tradition as well.
Overall, my time in Santa Fe left me feeling fulfilled. I got a big dose of my friends and a much-needed reminder that even though my life in Albuquerque is not overflowing with friends of my own age and a bubbling social life, I do have a lot of people out there who are good friends and who like to hang out with me. They just don't live anywhere near me. But at least they're out there.
Now I have two and a half days until 2004. I think a couple of friends will be coming to my house for New Years Eve. I, of course, have nothing planned for such an evening, but I'm looking forward to it anyway. I love New Years. I love the way the holiday invites us to make new beginnings and to renew our efforts to be good, to be better, to be kind and passionate. I am all for fresh starts, as often as I can get them.
Monday, December 22, 2003
Moving
It is kind of creepy, how natural it felt to build cardboard boxes and pack them up last week before the big office move of 2003. I was only putting my work life into boxes, but it felt like something I was supposed to be doing, as if moving has become part of my nature. It was as though the move saved me from some oncoming restlessness. If I get the chance to pack up boxes and purge junk every year or so I am content. I'm glad, however, that this move didn't take me to a new city or a new house, just a shiny new office building that still smells like paint.
Old Friends
There is really nothing better in the world than friends. I am especially fond of old friends. Most of my friends from high school are back in Santa Fe this week and it feels nice to know they are here. Last night, I sat around in a room with a bunch of them and even though some of us only talk once a year, it is still comforting to know that these people I grew up with are out there doing well and being happy. And it is somehow life-affirming that we can still get together and laugh every now and then. I like to laugh and laughing with friends is a fantastic feeling. I can't wait until Christmas Eve when I can leave work at noon and drive to Santa Fe for four and a half days of friend-filled fun.
Left Out?
At least two of my co-workers left the office with little gift baskets today. Was I left out of the present circuit? I hate feeling left out.
It is kind of creepy, how natural it felt to build cardboard boxes and pack them up last week before the big office move of 2003. I was only putting my work life into boxes, but it felt like something I was supposed to be doing, as if moving has become part of my nature. It was as though the move saved me from some oncoming restlessness. If I get the chance to pack up boxes and purge junk every year or so I am content. I'm glad, however, that this move didn't take me to a new city or a new house, just a shiny new office building that still smells like paint.
Old Friends
There is really nothing better in the world than friends. I am especially fond of old friends. Most of my friends from high school are back in Santa Fe this week and it feels nice to know they are here. Last night, I sat around in a room with a bunch of them and even though some of us only talk once a year, it is still comforting to know that these people I grew up with are out there doing well and being happy. And it is somehow life-affirming that we can still get together and laugh every now and then. I like to laugh and laughing with friends is a fantastic feeling. I can't wait until Christmas Eve when I can leave work at noon and drive to Santa Fe for four and a half days of friend-filled fun.
Left Out?
At least two of my co-workers left the office with little gift baskets today. Was I left out of the present circuit? I hate feeling left out.
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Many months ago, Neil put his name on a list of tennis players at the neighborhood public court hoping that some people who also have most mornings off would call him to play tennis.
A few weeks after his name and number were posted, I was at home one night when the phone rang. I answered to hear a very old-sounding voice on the other end asking for Neil. I proceeded to take a message. The man told me he was calling about tennis, and then he told me his name. "My name is Semen, S-E-Y-M-O-N" I almost cut him off and asked who was really calling. I was nearly convinced that one of our friends was just being funny. But nope, this man who wanted to play tennis with Neil was actually named Seymon, pronounced semen.
And so, Neil has been playing tennis with Seymon and some of Seymon's other old friends for at least six months...probably longer. About once a week we get a message from Seymon on the answering machine. Sometimes he says things like, "Neil, I'd like you to check your dance card and see if you can play tennis on Tuesday" Later he'll say to Neil, "I bet you've never heard of a dance card have you?"
Neil and I have taken to saying SeyMON when refering to Neil's tennis partner around the house... like we're the reggae-crazed kids I knew in high school who spoke in Jamaican accents. SeyMON is much less disturbing.
After months of wondering, Neil finally figured out that his weekly tennis partner is not just old, he's 85.
While I had talked to Seymon on the phone many many times, I had not met him until last night. Neil and I were invited to go to Seymon's house for a holiday cocktail party with some "tennis buddies" and their wives. So, at 7:30 we showed up and were the last guests to arrive. (the other two couples must have gotten their early?) Seymon bounced to the door and took our coats. He was wearing jeans and cowboy boots with a denim shirt under a leather western-style vest. He is a skinny and tall man with a nice white-whiskered face. He looks like he's 70 at the oldest. His wife, Jean, also looks fairly young, but she has recently lost her balance and now has great difficulty walking.
The other two couples were also at least in their 70s.
Neil and I sat in the living room surrounded by six people who could have been our grandparents and I was terrified. What will we talk about? Will they regret inviting little kids to their holiday party? But, we talked about food and cooking and snow and traveling and movies. Seymon, the gracious host, kept refilling our drinks and offering us food, and by the end of the evening, the people I met last night seemed less like old people and more like people. We had things in common to talk about and they were all very nice and treated us like we were peers and so it felt like we were. So now I am wondering if this means I am really an adult now. When the age difference begins to take on less importance and grandparent-types seem like people I could hang out with, have I completely left my childhood behind?
I am glad I finally met Seymon. He's a very cool person.
A few weeks after his name and number were posted, I was at home one night when the phone rang. I answered to hear a very old-sounding voice on the other end asking for Neil. I proceeded to take a message. The man told me he was calling about tennis, and then he told me his name. "My name is Semen, S-E-Y-M-O-N" I almost cut him off and asked who was really calling. I was nearly convinced that one of our friends was just being funny. But nope, this man who wanted to play tennis with Neil was actually named Seymon, pronounced semen.
And so, Neil has been playing tennis with Seymon and some of Seymon's other old friends for at least six months...probably longer. About once a week we get a message from Seymon on the answering machine. Sometimes he says things like, "Neil, I'd like you to check your dance card and see if you can play tennis on Tuesday" Later he'll say to Neil, "I bet you've never heard of a dance card have you?"
Neil and I have taken to saying SeyMON when refering to Neil's tennis partner around the house... like we're the reggae-crazed kids I knew in high school who spoke in Jamaican accents. SeyMON is much less disturbing.
After months of wondering, Neil finally figured out that his weekly tennis partner is not just old, he's 85.
While I had talked to Seymon on the phone many many times, I had not met him until last night. Neil and I were invited to go to Seymon's house for a holiday cocktail party with some "tennis buddies" and their wives. So, at 7:30 we showed up and were the last guests to arrive. (the other two couples must have gotten their early?) Seymon bounced to the door and took our coats. He was wearing jeans and cowboy boots with a denim shirt under a leather western-style vest. He is a skinny and tall man with a nice white-whiskered face. He looks like he's 70 at the oldest. His wife, Jean, also looks fairly young, but she has recently lost her balance and now has great difficulty walking.
The other two couples were also at least in their 70s.
Neil and I sat in the living room surrounded by six people who could have been our grandparents and I was terrified. What will we talk about? Will they regret inviting little kids to their holiday party? But, we talked about food and cooking and snow and traveling and movies. Seymon, the gracious host, kept refilling our drinks and offering us food, and by the end of the evening, the people I met last night seemed less like old people and more like people. We had things in common to talk about and they were all very nice and treated us like we were peers and so it felt like we were. So now I am wondering if this means I am really an adult now. When the age difference begins to take on less importance and grandparent-types seem like people I could hang out with, have I completely left my childhood behind?
I am glad I finally met Seymon. He's a very cool person.
Monday, December 15, 2003
Oh...
I can't believe they caught Saddam Hussein. My dad called to tell me yesterday morning. I thought it was a joke.
I feel two ways about this news:
1) glad because this means that all the soldiers might get to come home sooner and it makes my country look a little bit less retarded. Glad because even if I want the president to fail, that doesn't mean I want my country to fail. Glad because a terrible tyrant is finally in captivity and can't hurt any more people.
2) not glad at all because this is another feather in Bush's cap that he doesn't deserve. It's another thing he can hold up and say he did and even though it shouldn't, it weakens the argument against this disaster of a war. It makes Bush look good when really, he's just lucky.
Just because it is good that Hussein is no longer a free man and is no longer in power, that does not mean it was good to start this unprovoked war. Especially when there is a man who is arguably much more dangerous to the U.S. still on the loose. Capturing Saddam Hussein, as terrific as it is, is just a diversion because Bush and his men can't find Osama. Now we have troops in two unstable countries and we are responsible for de-stabilizing two nations. We've got one evil dictator in captivity, but no guarantee that the terrible conditions in Afghanistan and Iraq are not breeding more men like Saddam and Osama, more people who hate America and Americans.
Thank goodness there is a lot of time before November's election so that people can come to see the way the snow is continually blown over our eyes by this administration.
In the meantime, I hope Saddam Hussein is made to pay for his crimes.
I can't believe they caught Saddam Hussein. My dad called to tell me yesterday morning. I thought it was a joke.
I feel two ways about this news:
1) glad because this means that all the soldiers might get to come home sooner and it makes my country look a little bit less retarded. Glad because even if I want the president to fail, that doesn't mean I want my country to fail. Glad because a terrible tyrant is finally in captivity and can't hurt any more people.
2) not glad at all because this is another feather in Bush's cap that he doesn't deserve. It's another thing he can hold up and say he did and even though it shouldn't, it weakens the argument against this disaster of a war. It makes Bush look good when really, he's just lucky.
Just because it is good that Hussein is no longer a free man and is no longer in power, that does not mean it was good to start this unprovoked war. Especially when there is a man who is arguably much more dangerous to the U.S. still on the loose. Capturing Saddam Hussein, as terrific as it is, is just a diversion because Bush and his men can't find Osama. Now we have troops in two unstable countries and we are responsible for de-stabilizing two nations. We've got one evil dictator in captivity, but no guarantee that the terrible conditions in Afghanistan and Iraq are not breeding more men like Saddam and Osama, more people who hate America and Americans.
Thank goodness there is a lot of time before November's election so that people can come to see the way the snow is continually blown over our eyes by this administration.
In the meantime, I hope Saddam Hussein is made to pay for his crimes.
Backtracking
On Thursday night, I picked up Neil's mom and grandma at the airport. We had dinner at Chili's and then went to the house where we looked at photo albums and watched TV until Neil made his nightly appearance on the news and then came home. We all put on PJs and went to sleep.
I was incredibly stressed out between trying to finish up all my work so that I could pack my office and move to a new building and worrying about making the visit with Neil's family smooth. My mind was whirring and I could feel my blood pumping through my veins even as I buried my head in my pillow and tried to relax. I couldn't get comfortable and my breathing was fast and uneven. Just as I was about to get out of bed and pace the bedroom until I got tired, something miraculous happened, I fell asleep. I slept so well that I had dreams and couldn't remember them. It was the first night in months when I hadn't looked at the clock at least once and despite all the stress, I woke up feeling happy and refreshed. When I got out of the shower and raised the blinds, there was a thin layer of snow blanketing the ground, and as with all snowstorms, everything looked fresh and new.
On Thursday night, I picked up Neil's mom and grandma at the airport. We had dinner at Chili's and then went to the house where we looked at photo albums and watched TV until Neil made his nightly appearance on the news and then came home. We all put on PJs and went to sleep.
I was incredibly stressed out between trying to finish up all my work so that I could pack my office and move to a new building and worrying about making the visit with Neil's family smooth. My mind was whirring and I could feel my blood pumping through my veins even as I buried my head in my pillow and tried to relax. I couldn't get comfortable and my breathing was fast and uneven. Just as I was about to get out of bed and pace the bedroom until I got tired, something miraculous happened, I fell asleep. I slept so well that I had dreams and couldn't remember them. It was the first night in months when I hadn't looked at the clock at least once and despite all the stress, I woke up feeling happy and refreshed. When I got out of the shower and raised the blinds, there was a thin layer of snow blanketing the ground, and as with all snowstorms, everything looked fresh and new.
Thursday, December 11, 2003
Holiday Treats
I want to know why on earth everyone makes fattening cookies and fudge and candies and cakes and then distributes them to unsuspecting workplaces like they are doing something nice. I doubt that there are many Americans in this day and age who are not deeply concerned about the fat content of their food intake. Nobody wants to be fat and I believe we are all struggling to eat healthy and be active. It would really be nice if these goodie-givers would drop by the office once a year with celery sticks and low-fat dip along with their holiday cheer. Then I might feel inspired to send a thank you card.
The mother- and grandmother-in-law will be landing at an airport near me within the hour. Time to head to the arrivals gate. :)
I want to know why on earth everyone makes fattening cookies and fudge and candies and cakes and then distributes them to unsuspecting workplaces like they are doing something nice. I doubt that there are many Americans in this day and age who are not deeply concerned about the fat content of their food intake. Nobody wants to be fat and I believe we are all struggling to eat healthy and be active. It would really be nice if these goodie-givers would drop by the office once a year with celery sticks and low-fat dip along with their holiday cheer. Then I might feel inspired to send a thank you card.
The mother- and grandmother-in-law will be landing at an airport near me within the hour. Time to head to the arrivals gate. :)
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
I am old.
Ok, I know, you are thinking something like, "Hello, Jodi, you're only 25." But I feel old. Not physically so much. My body still mends quickly, loses and gains weight quickly and is mostly pain free. But I am 25 years old and not yet rich, not yet famous, not yet influential, not yet who I thought I was going to be.
That sounds very shallow. Allow me to explain. As part of my job, I am in charge of writing snappy articles about finances for a teenage audience. The girl who had this job before me subscribed to Teen People and YM magazines as sources of inspiration. This was a good move on her part since these magazines provide interesting ideas for my co-worker who designs the newsletter and examples of teen-friendly writing for me. The problem is that I often find myself reading these magazines from cover to cover. I would never buy them on the newsstand. Jane, Allure, Real Simple, In Style, Atlantic Monthly, The New Yorker, Newsweek and maybe maybe US Weekly -- these are the magazines I am allowed to buy at my age. But when I have the teen magazines sitting on my desk and come across something as captivating as an article about Mary Kate and Ashley and their plans for college, I cannot help myself. I have to read.
Today, I read the majority of Teen People and wasted about 40 minutes before I realized what I was doing. And what I discovered is that nearly everyone in the magazine was my age or younger. All of the new crop of famous girls are little kids. Kera Knightly is only 18! Then we have other teen sensations like Hillary Duff and Raven. Even Britney and Christina are younger than me. And the ones who are my age or older have been famous for eons already. I used to read teen magazines and think about how I would be in their pages someday for something amazing like writing a bestselling book at age 18 or being randomly discovered and transformed into an international film star. Now I am looking at kids as old as the neighbors I used to babysit who have achieved a very tangible form of success. Compound this with the recently gained knowledge that Sarah Michelle Gellar made $350,000 per episode during the last season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and I feel like a failure.
It's not that I want to be a famous actress and let's face it, as much as I'd like to dream, rock stardom is probably not in my future. But I want to make a name for myself, make an impact. Be somebody of note, or at least somebody of merit.
Maybe this crisis is in part due to the fact that I used to be a...newspaper reporter...which was a heady thing to be at times. I had a power and a certain prominence that other people did not have and I also believed that I was doing something very important. So what if I was not making much money and was working for a corporate devil, I was doing something I believed in and I was making an impact. Now that I don't do that any more, I have sort of lost my focus. Where am I going again?
In high school and even in college, I always felt like I was in the process of becoming someone. There was an undefined state of being looming on the horizon. I knew I would get there someday and all the work would pay off. Then I graduated from college and I wasn't there yet so I fled back to graduate school. And here I am, one year after getting my MFA in writing and all I've published since then have been articles telling teenagers how to save their money. Sure, I received a few flattering rejection letters, but this won't do. I am 25 and I am still on my way to being whoever it is I am destined to become. I just hope I'm not too late, too old, past my prime.
I'm staring down the backside of my 20's at 30 and in this youth-obsessed culture, I am afraid that each day, I become less and less interesting.
(I am mostly sure that I will get over this soon, I just need to stay away from the teen magazines.)
Ok, I know, you are thinking something like, "Hello, Jodi, you're only 25." But I feel old. Not physically so much. My body still mends quickly, loses and gains weight quickly and is mostly pain free. But I am 25 years old and not yet rich, not yet famous, not yet influential, not yet who I thought I was going to be.
That sounds very shallow. Allow me to explain. As part of my job, I am in charge of writing snappy articles about finances for a teenage audience. The girl who had this job before me subscribed to Teen People and YM magazines as sources of inspiration. This was a good move on her part since these magazines provide interesting ideas for my co-worker who designs the newsletter and examples of teen-friendly writing for me. The problem is that I often find myself reading these magazines from cover to cover. I would never buy them on the newsstand. Jane, Allure, Real Simple, In Style, Atlantic Monthly, The New Yorker, Newsweek and maybe maybe US Weekly -- these are the magazines I am allowed to buy at my age. But when I have the teen magazines sitting on my desk and come across something as captivating as an article about Mary Kate and Ashley and their plans for college, I cannot help myself. I have to read.
Today, I read the majority of Teen People and wasted about 40 minutes before I realized what I was doing. And what I discovered is that nearly everyone in the magazine was my age or younger. All of the new crop of famous girls are little kids. Kera Knightly is only 18! Then we have other teen sensations like Hillary Duff and Raven. Even Britney and Christina are younger than me. And the ones who are my age or older have been famous for eons already. I used to read teen magazines and think about how I would be in their pages someday for something amazing like writing a bestselling book at age 18 or being randomly discovered and transformed into an international film star. Now I am looking at kids as old as the neighbors I used to babysit who have achieved a very tangible form of success. Compound this with the recently gained knowledge that Sarah Michelle Gellar made $350,000 per episode during the last season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and I feel like a failure.
It's not that I want to be a famous actress and let's face it, as much as I'd like to dream, rock stardom is probably not in my future. But I want to make a name for myself, make an impact. Be somebody of note, or at least somebody of merit.
Maybe this crisis is in part due to the fact that I used to be a...newspaper reporter...which was a heady thing to be at times. I had a power and a certain prominence that other people did not have and I also believed that I was doing something very important. So what if I was not making much money and was working for a corporate devil, I was doing something I believed in and I was making an impact. Now that I don't do that any more, I have sort of lost my focus. Where am I going again?
In high school and even in college, I always felt like I was in the process of becoming someone. There was an undefined state of being looming on the horizon. I knew I would get there someday and all the work would pay off. Then I graduated from college and I wasn't there yet so I fled back to graduate school. And here I am, one year after getting my MFA in writing and all I've published since then have been articles telling teenagers how to save their money. Sure, I received a few flattering rejection letters, but this won't do. I am 25 and I am still on my way to being whoever it is I am destined to become. I just hope I'm not too late, too old, past my prime.
I'm staring down the backside of my 20's at 30 and in this youth-obsessed culture, I am afraid that each day, I become less and less interesting.
(I am mostly sure that I will get over this soon, I just need to stay away from the teen magazines.)
Monday, December 08, 2003
Dinner with the elected official was great. He was very nice, as was his family and it was a blast to have little kids in our house for the first time. They found the toys within thirty seconds of walking in the door, even though the toys were in a bucket behind the couch. Amazing. It was like they could smell them or sense them on some other level... sonar perhaps?
Neil cooked and set the table and bought flowers and everything looked beautiful and the chicken was delicious. He was very cute during his Martha Stewart stint. It is great to know that my husband can put on a dinner party on his own.
The rest of the weekend went by quickly. Saturday was nice because Neil and I saw our new favorite Western band, Syd Masters & The Swing Riders, play at Barnes and Noble and then we looked through Annie's book, America 24/7 (Annie is on the staff of the group that put the whole thing together) and then we went to sushi and to see Elf, which was actually a really cute movie. I really enjoyed our date evening. We haven't had a ton of those in recent months.
I just read on CNN that Al Gore is rumored to have made the decision to endorse my man, Howard Dean. It is solid proof that I am a political dork/junkie that I got really excited when I read that and wanted to call everyone I knew. Wow. After at least a year of being a Dean supporter, I still find myself energized and psyched about his campaign. He makes mistakes sometimes and isn't always the best speaker, but he is so real and so charismatic. I think he will make a terrific president. If he doesn't win and none of the other democratic candidates win and we have to face four more years of the lunacy of Bush, I will have to seriously consider a move to someplace else... if other countries will still accept U.S. citizens at that point.
Recently I have been very much in need of serious intellectual stimulation. I think it has been too long since the glorious residencies in Bennington for graduate school. Those two weeks where I was so over-stimulated that I got my fill of talking to incredibly intelligent people about things I am passionate about (writing) for at least six months. Lately, other than long talks about the tax-exempt status of credit unions, I don't have tons of intellectual conversations. Not sure what the solution for this is. I would suggest going back to school... but I think I need to do something more amazing than that. I'll see what I can come up with.
Neil cooked and set the table and bought flowers and everything looked beautiful and the chicken was delicious. He was very cute during his Martha Stewart stint. It is great to know that my husband can put on a dinner party on his own.
The rest of the weekend went by quickly. Saturday was nice because Neil and I saw our new favorite Western band, Syd Masters & The Swing Riders, play at Barnes and Noble and then we looked through Annie's book, America 24/7 (Annie is on the staff of the group that put the whole thing together) and then we went to sushi and to see Elf, which was actually a really cute movie. I really enjoyed our date evening. We haven't had a ton of those in recent months.
I just read on CNN that Al Gore is rumored to have made the decision to endorse my man, Howard Dean. It is solid proof that I am a political dork/junkie that I got really excited when I read that and wanted to call everyone I knew. Wow. After at least a year of being a Dean supporter, I still find myself energized and psyched about his campaign. He makes mistakes sometimes and isn't always the best speaker, but he is so real and so charismatic. I think he will make a terrific president. If he doesn't win and none of the other democratic candidates win and we have to face four more years of the lunacy of Bush, I will have to seriously consider a move to someplace else... if other countries will still accept U.S. citizens at that point.
Recently I have been very much in need of serious intellectual stimulation. I think it has been too long since the glorious residencies in Bennington for graduate school. Those two weeks where I was so over-stimulated that I got my fill of talking to incredibly intelligent people about things I am passionate about (writing) for at least six months. Lately, other than long talks about the tax-exempt status of credit unions, I don't have tons of intellectual conversations. Not sure what the solution for this is. I would suggest going back to school... but I think I need to do something more amazing than that. I'll see what I can come up with.
Friday, December 05, 2003
Ever since I started my job last March, I have had a major problem being warm in my office. In the winter, no amount of heat seems to warm up my small square room. In the summer, I have to tape the air conditioning vent closed with masking tape and wear sweaters. I complained a little bit about this situation, but nobody ever said anything. I run a small space heater in my office every day and by 2 or 3 it approaches warm in here.
About a month ago, I was complaining about the icebox that I work in and one of the people I work with said something like, "That makes sense. Your office doesn't have any insulation."
Ah ha.
Nice of them to let me in on that little secret a full NINE months after I began working here. I need to find a way to de-dilbertify my life. Meanwhile, my fingers are freezing.
A co-worker just walked into my frigid lair carrying two bags of chocolate. One bag of Dove squares and one bag of Butterfinger Christmas bells. Of course, I helped myself to two of each. I say bring on the holiday bulge. Or as my Dove fortune (or do they call them promises) on the inside of the wrapper says "Add a little sweetness to your day"
My impartial journalist husband has invited over the president of the city council and his wife and kids for dinner tonight. Should be fun. Neil is a big fan of this family so I will probably like them too. (I am really mostly kidding about the impartiality part)
About a month ago, I was complaining about the icebox that I work in and one of the people I work with said something like, "That makes sense. Your office doesn't have any insulation."
Ah ha.
Nice of them to let me in on that little secret a full NINE months after I began working here. I need to find a way to de-dilbertify my life. Meanwhile, my fingers are freezing.
A co-worker just walked into my frigid lair carrying two bags of chocolate. One bag of Dove squares and one bag of Butterfinger Christmas bells. Of course, I helped myself to two of each. I say bring on the holiday bulge. Or as my Dove fortune (or do they call them promises) on the inside of the wrapper says "Add a little sweetness to your day"
My impartial journalist husband has invited over the president of the city council and his wife and kids for dinner tonight. Should be fun. Neil is a big fan of this family so I will probably like them too. (I am really mostly kidding about the impartiality part)
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Ahhh four day weekends. The Thanksgiving holiday was incredibly long. It was almost long enough to make me forget about the fact that I am a working stiff, but not quite.
Thursday was really a perfect day. Neil and I slept in until 9:30 and then drove to Santa Fe where we were greeted by a house full of people. My dad and brother were there as expected, but my cousin Pam was also there with her girlfriend's three sons and their best friend. The kids were playing with the pool table and we didn't interact with them a whole lot, but just having the house filled with voices and bodies and holiday energy was terrific. My grandma showed up a short time later, followed by my mom and the dog who had been on a run in the arroyo.
We spent the afternoon talking over each other, talking to each other, laughing, snacking while preparing food etc.
Dinner was at 4 (way earlier than I am used to and probably part of my mom's weight-loss/health philosophy) And I quote: Mom: "We don't want to eat dinner too late it's not good for us!" Me: "Mom, since when was 4:00 late for dinner?"
After dinner, my dad and brother crashed on the couch and my mom and grandma and Neil and I hung around. Then we woke everyone up, ate pie and went to see Love Actually, a perfectly fun movie to end the holiday.
The rest of the weekend was ok. My brother got really bummed on Friday about college and life in general and I felt frustrated and helpless to help him which is really a miserable way to feel when you care about someone so much... But he seems to be leaving NM this morning in a more positive state of mind.
Neil and I went rollerblading on Saturday and walking on Sunday and we managed to go to only one store the entire weekend, Target. We went on Saturday in hopes of finding some perfect Chanukah gifts for family and left without any gifts but with $80 worth of stuff and massive headaches. Why on earth do so many people LOVE shopping on Thanksgiving weekend. So what if it is tradition, it's a terrible one.
Now I just finished the second day of the five day work week. Ahh, how quickly reality sets in.
Thursday was really a perfect day. Neil and I slept in until 9:30 and then drove to Santa Fe where we were greeted by a house full of people. My dad and brother were there as expected, but my cousin Pam was also there with her girlfriend's three sons and their best friend. The kids were playing with the pool table and we didn't interact with them a whole lot, but just having the house filled with voices and bodies and holiday energy was terrific. My grandma showed up a short time later, followed by my mom and the dog who had been on a run in the arroyo.
We spent the afternoon talking over each other, talking to each other, laughing, snacking while preparing food etc.
Dinner was at 4 (way earlier than I am used to and probably part of my mom's weight-loss/health philosophy) And I quote: Mom: "We don't want to eat dinner too late it's not good for us!" Me: "Mom, since when was 4:00 late for dinner?"
After dinner, my dad and brother crashed on the couch and my mom and grandma and Neil and I hung around. Then we woke everyone up, ate pie and went to see Love Actually, a perfectly fun movie to end the holiday.
The rest of the weekend was ok. My brother got really bummed on Friday about college and life in general and I felt frustrated and helpless to help him which is really a miserable way to feel when you care about someone so much... But he seems to be leaving NM this morning in a more positive state of mind.
Neil and I went rollerblading on Saturday and walking on Sunday and we managed to go to only one store the entire weekend, Target. We went on Saturday in hopes of finding some perfect Chanukah gifts for family and left without any gifts but with $80 worth of stuff and massive headaches. Why on earth do so many people LOVE shopping on Thanksgiving weekend. So what if it is tradition, it's a terrible one.
Now I just finished the second day of the five day work week. Ahh, how quickly reality sets in.
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
I did it. I couldn't help myself. I drove to Circuit City and bought Buffy Season Three last night. That means I didn't make it one night without watching. I am completely neurotic.
It is finally cold and winter-like in New Mexico. The weather has that crispness that makes me feel like the world is full of possibility. I don't know why I associate cold, red noses and ears with possibility, but I do. When I step outside after a day of work and head to my car, I feel like the road home can lead to anyplace and I can do anything.
Tonight will be a no TV night. I am planning on relaxing and working on holiday gifts and cleaning my many piles that have somehow accumulated on the kitchen counter.
Tomorrow I will probably be going home shortly after lunch as everyone is leaving early for the holiday. I think the four day weekend will be just what I need to rejuvenate. There should be four day weekends every couple of months so that the workforce will always feel refreshed. Note to self: Look into working on national reform for workers in the U.S. from gas station attendants to CEOs. Some reforms will include at least one month of vacation annually, more long weekends, and possibly designated nap times. ha.
It is finally cold and winter-like in New Mexico. The weather has that crispness that makes me feel like the world is full of possibility. I don't know why I associate cold, red noses and ears with possibility, but I do. When I step outside after a day of work and head to my car, I feel like the road home can lead to anyplace and I can do anything.
Tonight will be a no TV night. I am planning on relaxing and working on holiday gifts and cleaning my many piles that have somehow accumulated on the kitchen counter.
Tomorrow I will probably be going home shortly after lunch as everyone is leaving early for the holiday. I think the four day weekend will be just what I need to rejuvenate. There should be four day weekends every couple of months so that the workforce will always feel refreshed. Note to self: Look into working on national reform for workers in the U.S. from gas station attendants to CEOs. Some reforms will include at least one month of vacation annually, more long weekends, and possibly designated nap times. ha.
Monday, November 24, 2003
In the past three weeks, I managed to watch 34 episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That amounts to about 25 hours in front of the television. I am sort of ashamed to admit to this atrocity...and yet, I had so much fun. There is nothing else like Buffy for intelligent entertainment with characters that I care about. I am not sure if it is the kick-ass girl power or the great love stories, or the snappy dialogue, but I just love Buffy. I am now completely finished with seasons one and two and thankfully I don't own season three yet, so I can take a break and do things like write holiday cards and clean the house up and exercise and everything else that I have been neglecting for the past three weeks.
Thanksgiving is coming and I'm excited. It's not so much the food that I love, it's the tradition of the food. It's the one meal each year that I can count on. For the past two or three years, my family hasn't celebrated Thanksgiving together and I have been longing for the tradition. Last year, I attempted making the meal myself, but it was different and not as much fun. I can't wait to go to Santa Fe and sit around the table with my parents and eat the turkey with my mom's amazing stuffing and the sweet potatoes that I don't even like. My brother will eat the majority of the cranberries and I'll be lucky to get a scoop. Hopefully it will be cold outside and we'll all sit around and be warm together and the next morning my dad will make turkey sandwiches with ketchup and I'll look at him with an "eew that's gross" expression and all will be right with the world.
Patty called today to tell me about an incredibly mean flower-store owner in Florida who yelled at her and said a myriad of not-nice things that nobody should ever say to anybody, much less a customer in their flower store. I have no comprehension for people like this. How do you grow up and think it's ok to be mean to people? What must be missing in a person who unleashes on random strangers? How can you own a flower store and still be evil? It's sick. Should verbal assault be criminalized? Just a thought. I am not fond of rageaholics.
Thanksgiving is coming and I'm excited. It's not so much the food that I love, it's the tradition of the food. It's the one meal each year that I can count on. For the past two or three years, my family hasn't celebrated Thanksgiving together and I have been longing for the tradition. Last year, I attempted making the meal myself, but it was different and not as much fun. I can't wait to go to Santa Fe and sit around the table with my parents and eat the turkey with my mom's amazing stuffing and the sweet potatoes that I don't even like. My brother will eat the majority of the cranberries and I'll be lucky to get a scoop. Hopefully it will be cold outside and we'll all sit around and be warm together and the next morning my dad will make turkey sandwiches with ketchup and I'll look at him with an "eew that's gross" expression and all will be right with the world.
Patty called today to tell me about an incredibly mean flower-store owner in Florida who yelled at her and said a myriad of not-nice things that nobody should ever say to anybody, much less a customer in their flower store. I have no comprehension for people like this. How do you grow up and think it's ok to be mean to people? What must be missing in a person who unleashes on random strangers? How can you own a flower store and still be evil? It's sick. Should verbal assault be criminalized? Just a thought. I am not fond of rageaholics.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Nauseous
I am nauseous but it is not from something I ate and I don't think I have the flu. Somebody I care about and basically think rocks has a really really screwed up belief system and it makes me sad, especially because I thought progress had been made and minds had been opened. But now I am sick to my stomach.
Howard Dean
Onto happier topics, Howard Dean is in town today. I wish I could go be a groupie supporter, but I will be at work.
Lack of Sleep
Last night, Neil and I went to Walgreens and bought Tylenol PM and I took one before bed and I STILL didn't sleep. I need to get to the bottom of this before I turn into a complete disaster.
I am nauseous but it is not from something I ate and I don't think I have the flu. Somebody I care about and basically think rocks has a really really screwed up belief system and it makes me sad, especially because I thought progress had been made and minds had been opened. But now I am sick to my stomach.
Howard Dean
Onto happier topics, Howard Dean is in town today. I wish I could go be a groupie supporter, but I will be at work.
Lack of Sleep
Last night, Neil and I went to Walgreens and bought Tylenol PM and I took one before bed and I STILL didn't sleep. I need to get to the bottom of this before I turn into a complete disaster.
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
On Sleeplessness
The main problem of my week so far is that I am not sleeping. I go to sleep and toss and turn and wake up ten to fifteen times nightly, half the time without any blankets covering me and then my alarm goes off and I hit snooze a few times and I'm late to work and I never feel rested. It's not good. In fact, I recently saw a TV ad which told me about how I could take a Tylenol PM before bed and all my aches and pains would go away and I'd also get a restful night sleep and I actually thought, "Hey, that sounds like a great product." This from the girl who recently stopped taking all pills and pill-shaped objects except for multi-vitamins. Sleeping aids are SO against my principles.
On "Legends"
When I was in Phoenix last week at the meeting of credit union leagues from border states, I had lunch with some guys. One from California, one from Texas. They were old, probably older than my dad... or close. I knew they were the CEO's of their leagues and since most people there were CEOs I didn't think much of it. We talked about the California fires and Arnold and how beautiful New Mexico is and how I used to live in El Paso, no biggie.
So when I came back and told my boss who I hung out with he had a look of shock on his face and said something like "both of those guys are legends" At first I was like... "Oh no, I hope I didn't say anything offensive if they're legends... I should have been more nervous and and and...." But then I realized they were just nice guys who might be legends to people who devote lifetimes to credit unions. (Thus far, I am not one of those people.)
On Wanderlust
I have been having serious travel urges as of late. I feel a constant need to flee to a Latin American country, this is not new, but now the urge is spreading. I heard Jacque Chiraq talking about combating anti-semitism on NPR last night and suddenly became aware of the fact that I absolutely NEEDED to be in France at that moment, needed to be around French people and hear them and hang out in cafes...all this despite the fact that I absolutely HATED French class in high school, have very little understanding of the language and don't usually long to visit the country. Then this morning Tony Blair was talking about Bush's visit to England and instead of the seething hatred that I usually feel when our president is mentioned, I just got lost in the British accent and started imagining myself in London (ok, more than imagining, I got an impatient feeling and started thinking about purchasing airfare.) Then I re-read an e-mail from my friend Christine about how she's in Tokyo as I am typing and... well... I'm sure you can fill in the rest. I'll just say that it involved fantasies of Sushi-eating. I must develop a plan to somehow be paid to travel around the world and immerse myself in different cultures.
On Rejection
I got my long-awaited response from Fourth Genre last night. They will not be publishing my essay on living along the U.S. Mexico border. I was so hoping they would.
They sent a two paragraph rejection letter telling me I should submit again and that some of their readers had comments that might be helpful to me.
Comment one said "This is exactly the kind of personal cultural criticism Fourth Genre should encourage." (O.K. sounds like that person was in favor of publishing.)
Comment two was less memorable but said that the reader enjoyed the essay but wanted to know more about the narrator (that would be me) This is valid and perhaps slightly helpful. I will look at adding more of myself into the prose...
Overall, this was a rejection letter that made me feel mostly warm and fuzzy instead of giving me that sinking feeling I usually get from life's rejections. But it left me feeling perplexed as to why they didn't publish it. I mean, if you're going to include criticism in the rejection letter, shouldn't it be just that...criticism?
Back to square one. If anyone knows of a place that would like to publish a terrific essay on the ambiguity of living along an international border, please contact me.
The main problem of my week so far is that I am not sleeping. I go to sleep and toss and turn and wake up ten to fifteen times nightly, half the time without any blankets covering me and then my alarm goes off and I hit snooze a few times and I'm late to work and I never feel rested. It's not good. In fact, I recently saw a TV ad which told me about how I could take a Tylenol PM before bed and all my aches and pains would go away and I'd also get a restful night sleep and I actually thought, "Hey, that sounds like a great product." This from the girl who recently stopped taking all pills and pill-shaped objects except for multi-vitamins. Sleeping aids are SO against my principles.
On "Legends"
When I was in Phoenix last week at the meeting of credit union leagues from border states, I had lunch with some guys. One from California, one from Texas. They were old, probably older than my dad... or close. I knew they were the CEO's of their leagues and since most people there were CEOs I didn't think much of it. We talked about the California fires and Arnold and how beautiful New Mexico is and how I used to live in El Paso, no biggie.
So when I came back and told my boss who I hung out with he had a look of shock on his face and said something like "both of those guys are legends" At first I was like... "Oh no, I hope I didn't say anything offensive if they're legends... I should have been more nervous and and and...." But then I realized they were just nice guys who might be legends to people who devote lifetimes to credit unions. (Thus far, I am not one of those people.)
On Wanderlust
I have been having serious travel urges as of late. I feel a constant need to flee to a Latin American country, this is not new, but now the urge is spreading. I heard Jacque Chiraq talking about combating anti-semitism on NPR last night and suddenly became aware of the fact that I absolutely NEEDED to be in France at that moment, needed to be around French people and hear them and hang out in cafes...all this despite the fact that I absolutely HATED French class in high school, have very little understanding of the language and don't usually long to visit the country. Then this morning Tony Blair was talking about Bush's visit to England and instead of the seething hatred that I usually feel when our president is mentioned, I just got lost in the British accent and started imagining myself in London (ok, more than imagining, I got an impatient feeling and started thinking about purchasing airfare.) Then I re-read an e-mail from my friend Christine about how she's in Tokyo as I am typing and... well... I'm sure you can fill in the rest. I'll just say that it involved fantasies of Sushi-eating. I must develop a plan to somehow be paid to travel around the world and immerse myself in different cultures.
On Rejection
I got my long-awaited response from Fourth Genre last night. They will not be publishing my essay on living along the U.S. Mexico border. I was so hoping they would.
They sent a two paragraph rejection letter telling me I should submit again and that some of their readers had comments that might be helpful to me.
Comment one said "This is exactly the kind of personal cultural criticism Fourth Genre should encourage." (O.K. sounds like that person was in favor of publishing.)
Comment two was less memorable but said that the reader enjoyed the essay but wanted to know more about the narrator (that would be me) This is valid and perhaps slightly helpful. I will look at adding more of myself into the prose...
Overall, this was a rejection letter that made me feel mostly warm and fuzzy instead of giving me that sinking feeling I usually get from life's rejections. But it left me feeling perplexed as to why they didn't publish it. I mean, if you're going to include criticism in the rejection letter, shouldn't it be just that...criticism?
Back to square one. If anyone knows of a place that would like to publish a terrific essay on the ambiguity of living along an international border, please contact me.
Friday, November 14, 2003
I am sitting in my office with a space heater blowing in my face and making my eyes dry and I'm eating a mushy apple. I hate mushy apples. Apples need to be cold and crisp, not spongy and disgusting.
Last night we brought our bunny (Boo Boo) into our bedroom (in her cage) and let her spend the night. It is very bizarre how animals, even small less-intelligent animals, can become such a part of a human family. If we didn't have Boo Boo, our lives would be much less full...and yet, it seems weird to me that I am saying that about a rabbit.
At work today, I am printing 100 copies of a paper I wrote to try to keep the state legislature from imposing a tax on credit unions. The paper is 18 pages long and the executive summary is 6 pages which means I am wasting 2,400 sheets of paper on this endeavor. It takes a long time to print 2,400 pages. On Monday, I get to use the little binding machine to put those plastic covers and spines on them all.
Tonight I am going to eat sushi with Neil and hopefully relax and have fun and do other weekend activities. I am really looking forward to it. This has been a draining week.
Last night we brought our bunny (Boo Boo) into our bedroom (in her cage) and let her spend the night. It is very bizarre how animals, even small less-intelligent animals, can become such a part of a human family. If we didn't have Boo Boo, our lives would be much less full...and yet, it seems weird to me that I am saying that about a rabbit.
At work today, I am printing 100 copies of a paper I wrote to try to keep the state legislature from imposing a tax on credit unions. The paper is 18 pages long and the executive summary is 6 pages which means I am wasting 2,400 sheets of paper on this endeavor. It takes a long time to print 2,400 pages. On Monday, I get to use the little binding machine to put those plastic covers and spines on them all.
Tonight I am going to eat sushi with Neil and hopefully relax and have fun and do other weekend activities. I am really looking forward to it. This has been a draining week.
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Phoenix wasn't really a disaster. I was the youngest person at the conference by at least 10, maybe 15 years and most people there were CEO's in their 50's. It was daunting, but I didn't feel totally and completely terrified and I spoke at the meeting several times since I was the only New Mexico person. Even the talking in front of people went well.
The meeting itself, while much of it was boring, was overall very interesting because it was about serving Hispanics, especially recent immigrants from Mexico. There were three guys from a large credit union in Mexico and they spoke only in Spanish. I understood some of what they said and a translator filled in the rest, but by mid-afternoon on the first day, I was spacing out, entranced by their rolling r's and the graceful cadence of the language. There is something magical about the Spanish language that makes me feel at home and like a foreigner all at once.
On day two, a man who was a big-shot in Presidente Fox's campaign spoke. He was incredibly charismatic and convincing. By the end of his talk about why credit unions are on the verge of a revolution and why credit unions need to take Mexican culture into consideration when serving "New Americans" I was ready to follow him around and be his disciple. He was one of those people whose eyes disappear when he smiles and who wins you over after saying exactly five words. Everybody else in the room seemed to feel the same way because they all batted their eyelashes when near him (even the men) and needlessly dropped his name in conversation. Eg: Q: "What are you having for lunch?" A:"I will be having lunch with Juan today" Q:"What time is it?" A:"Oh look it's Juan." and Q: "What do you think about the weather?" A: "When I was talking to Juan earlier..."
Instead of following the man home, I grabbed my bags and checked out of the hotel. Then I hopped into my first rental car and drove to the airport. That's right, I rented my own rental car for the first time. Oh the joy of being 25.
I am still determined to find a way to incorporate my love of the border and border culture and Mexico and New Mexico into what I do...updates when I come up with something.
Now I am back home and I got a bucket of work dumped on me today and my shoulder hurts from stress. It's also freezing and rainy out. Ugh.
My little brother is 20 today. 20. My little brother is 20. How did that happen?
Happy Birthday Dustin.
The meeting itself, while much of it was boring, was overall very interesting because it was about serving Hispanics, especially recent immigrants from Mexico. There were three guys from a large credit union in Mexico and they spoke only in Spanish. I understood some of what they said and a translator filled in the rest, but by mid-afternoon on the first day, I was spacing out, entranced by their rolling r's and the graceful cadence of the language. There is something magical about the Spanish language that makes me feel at home and like a foreigner all at once.
On day two, a man who was a big-shot in Presidente Fox's campaign spoke. He was incredibly charismatic and convincing. By the end of his talk about why credit unions are on the verge of a revolution and why credit unions need to take Mexican culture into consideration when serving "New Americans" I was ready to follow him around and be his disciple. He was one of those people whose eyes disappear when he smiles and who wins you over after saying exactly five words. Everybody else in the room seemed to feel the same way because they all batted their eyelashes when near him (even the men) and needlessly dropped his name in conversation. Eg: Q: "What are you having for lunch?" A:"I will be having lunch with Juan today" Q:"What time is it?" A:"Oh look it's Juan." and Q: "What do you think about the weather?" A: "When I was talking to Juan earlier..."
Instead of following the man home, I grabbed my bags and checked out of the hotel. Then I hopped into my first rental car and drove to the airport. That's right, I rented my own rental car for the first time. Oh the joy of being 25.
I am still determined to find a way to incorporate my love of the border and border culture and Mexico and New Mexico into what I do...updates when I come up with something.
Now I am back home and I got a bucket of work dumped on me today and my shoulder hurts from stress. It's also freezing and rainy out. Ugh.
My little brother is 20 today. 20. My little brother is 20. How did that happen?
Happy Birthday Dustin.
Sunday, November 09, 2003
The weekend.
On Saturday, I slept too late. I also slept too late today. Sleeping too late is really really cool. I wish I could do it more often and not feel guilty about it.
Last night there was a complete lunar eclipse. The earth cast its shadow on the moon for a couple of hours and it was really amazing. The moon was blotted out by shadow, but still visible. But what was even cooler than the moon being shadowed was the fact that the earth was casting a shadow. I looked really close and imagined that I could see my own tiny shadow on the edge of the earth's shadow. (that didn't quite happen) But seeing the earth's round shadow was really proof that I am sitting on a big round planet. This seemed much more profound while I was thinking it last night.
Today, I took my little sister from Big Brothers Big Sisters to eat at a diner for lunch. She likes hamburgers a lot. I am constantly trying to connect with her and to be cool enough for a 13-year-old girl to hang out with. I hope I am succeeding.
Now I have to pack for the Phoenix disaster of 2003.
On Saturday, I slept too late. I also slept too late today. Sleeping too late is really really cool. I wish I could do it more often and not feel guilty about it.
Last night there was a complete lunar eclipse. The earth cast its shadow on the moon for a couple of hours and it was really amazing. The moon was blotted out by shadow, but still visible. But what was even cooler than the moon being shadowed was the fact that the earth was casting a shadow. I looked really close and imagined that I could see my own tiny shadow on the edge of the earth's shadow. (that didn't quite happen) But seeing the earth's round shadow was really proof that I am sitting on a big round planet. This seemed much more profound while I was thinking it last night.
Today, I took my little sister from Big Brothers Big Sisters to eat at a diner for lunch. She likes hamburgers a lot. I am constantly trying to connect with her and to be cool enough for a 13-year-old girl to hang out with. I hope I am succeeding.
Now I have to pack for the Phoenix disaster of 2003.
Friday, November 07, 2003
Thursday, November 06, 2003
On not getting enough sleep...
I am tired and I find it annoying. No matter what I do, I never seem to get enough sleep. It is partly because Neil comes home so late and is always totally full of energy and I, of course, usually want to talk to him so I stay up later than I plan to. But then another part of it is the light in the morning that comes streaming into our bedroom through a little arch-shaped window that I thought was going to be a favorite feature of the house when we moved here a year ago. Ha. Two nights ago, Neil got paged by his work at 4:15 in the morning -- not helpful. But I think my biggest problem is that I am always so worried about getting enough sleep that I don't sleep well. I am sabotaging myself unintentionally.
On iTunes and other technology in general...
I love iTunes. Christine gave me a $20 iTunes gift certificate for my birthday and I spent it all yesterday and now have 19 songs of my very own. The fast connection at work was awesome and it took only a minute or two to download each song. I could see myself doing that every day... (except my gift certificate is gone and I am not in favor of running up a credit card bill) But now I need an iPod. I really really really want one. Not just any iPod, though. I want the one that can hold 10,000 songs because now that a little machine like that exists, I am absolutely convinced that I should be carrying 10,000 songs with me everywhere I go. It is necessary, essential really. And while I am at it, I want a new computer and a picture phone instead of my plain old cell phone that only works for phone calls. Sheesh.
I am tired and I find it annoying. No matter what I do, I never seem to get enough sleep. It is partly because Neil comes home so late and is always totally full of energy and I, of course, usually want to talk to him so I stay up later than I plan to. But then another part of it is the light in the morning that comes streaming into our bedroom through a little arch-shaped window that I thought was going to be a favorite feature of the house when we moved here a year ago. Ha. Two nights ago, Neil got paged by his work at 4:15 in the morning -- not helpful. But I think my biggest problem is that I am always so worried about getting enough sleep that I don't sleep well. I am sabotaging myself unintentionally.
On iTunes and other technology in general...
I love iTunes. Christine gave me a $20 iTunes gift certificate for my birthday and I spent it all yesterday and now have 19 songs of my very own. The fast connection at work was awesome and it took only a minute or two to download each song. I could see myself doing that every day... (except my gift certificate is gone and I am not in favor of running up a credit card bill) But now I need an iPod. I really really really want one. Not just any iPod, though. I want the one that can hold 10,000 songs because now that a little machine like that exists, I am absolutely convinced that I should be carrying 10,000 songs with me everywhere I go. It is necessary, essential really. And while I am at it, I want a new computer and a picture phone instead of my plain old cell phone that only works for phone calls. Sheesh.
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Sad Birthdays
I have had more than my share of sad birthdays. This year was another sad one, but somehow it was still ok, almost good. My mom called me around 11 yesterday and said "happy birthday" in a very sad tone and then told me that my great aunt Bessie died an hour earlier. I knew something was wrong already because it was the first birthday that my mom hadn't called me early in the morning and sang happy birthday to me. Her abandoning this tradition was proof that all was not well.
My aunt Bessie was the wisest woman I have ever known. When I was little and we would visit her at her home in Michigan, I used to feel like I was on a pilgrimage to my profit or oracle. I was on a long journey to visit the little old woman who would impart wisdom and help me to see. We would sit on her fragile-seeming furniture in the front room of her small house, or was it a duplex? She would offer us food or drink and then we'd talk. Bessie had a deep calm about her, the calm of someone who is completely self-assured and knows exactly what is and is not important. The rest of us were struggling through life and she already had it figured out. She was a little treasure. I wore the old perals she gave me for my Bat Mitzvah around my wrist on my wedding day to honor Bessie because she couldn't be there and my grandmatold me that Bessie was touched by the gesture. Bessie died on my 25th birthday and she was 93 years old.
It is easy to be sad when losing someone special, but hard to be too sad at the death of someone in their mid-90's. But, Bessie was the last member of my grandma's immediate family. She has lost two parents, a brother, two husbands and now a sister. Is the curse of living longest lonlieness? I just want her not to be sad. Simplistic, maybe, but that's what I want.
We spent the afternoon with my grandma yesterday, helping her pack for her flight to Michigan. (Neil had my birthday off from work and I left work after talking to my mom.) After looking at old pictures and laughing and crying with my grandma, we said goodbye and went to eat thai food (yumm) and rent a movie (whale rider). So this birthday was a mix of saddness and normalcy. I have had at least two friends suggest that I start celebrating my half birthday instead of my birthday... but I am going to give Nov. 3 a couple more tries before getting that drastic.
I have had more than my share of sad birthdays. This year was another sad one, but somehow it was still ok, almost good. My mom called me around 11 yesterday and said "happy birthday" in a very sad tone and then told me that my great aunt Bessie died an hour earlier. I knew something was wrong already because it was the first birthday that my mom hadn't called me early in the morning and sang happy birthday to me. Her abandoning this tradition was proof that all was not well.
My aunt Bessie was the wisest woman I have ever known. When I was little and we would visit her at her home in Michigan, I used to feel like I was on a pilgrimage to my profit or oracle. I was on a long journey to visit the little old woman who would impart wisdom and help me to see. We would sit on her fragile-seeming furniture in the front room of her small house, or was it a duplex? She would offer us food or drink and then we'd talk. Bessie had a deep calm about her, the calm of someone who is completely self-assured and knows exactly what is and is not important. The rest of us were struggling through life and she already had it figured out. She was a little treasure. I wore the old perals she gave me for my Bat Mitzvah around my wrist on my wedding day to honor Bessie because she couldn't be there and my grandmatold me that Bessie was touched by the gesture. Bessie died on my 25th birthday and she was 93 years old.
It is easy to be sad when losing someone special, but hard to be too sad at the death of someone in their mid-90's. But, Bessie was the last member of my grandma's immediate family. She has lost two parents, a brother, two husbands and now a sister. Is the curse of living longest lonlieness? I just want her not to be sad. Simplistic, maybe, but that's what I want.
We spent the afternoon with my grandma yesterday, helping her pack for her flight to Michigan. (Neil had my birthday off from work and I left work after talking to my mom.) After looking at old pictures and laughing and crying with my grandma, we said goodbye and went to eat thai food (yumm) and rent a movie (whale rider). So this birthday was a mix of saddness and normalcy. I have had at least two friends suggest that I start celebrating my half birthday instead of my birthday... but I am going to give Nov. 3 a couple more tries before getting that drastic.
Friday, October 31, 2003
Halloween...
I think this is one of my top favorite holidays. I had many a childhood birthday party on Halloween and have nothing but fond memories of trick or treating with my friends, dressing in less-than-comfortable costumes and watching scary movies. A Halloween highlight: The dentist on our street always gave out tooth brushes and we always acted mad, but we went back every year to get another.
I don't have a costume today. I did, however, bring a pair of bunny ears with me and have been wearing them intermittently throughout the day. The CEO has on Halloween sox and earrings and a Happy Halloween sweater and a big pumpkin is dangling from her necklace. Other than that, you wouldn't know it was Halloween around here. This is one day of the year that I'd really like to just hang out in an elementary school so I could see all the little kids in their costumes eagerly anticipating the 3:30 bell so they can go home and knock on neighbors' doors begging for candy. I do not, however, want to be an elementary school teacher, and no matter how it may seem, this desire to be around kids for the holiday does not mean I am ready to have kids of my own.
My friend Patty read my blog the other day and said she did the same thing with a Care Bear in Walgreens on a trip to Texas last weekend. She was gravitating toward Wish Bear, however. I think it is so cool that I am not the only nut who felt the pull of the Care Bears. Whewh.
It is my pre-birthday weekend. Ever since my birthday was totally destroyed two years ago, I am scared to get excited about birthday plans and birthdays in general. I was excited last week, but now that the weekend is upon us, I am afraid of what might happen to make it not fun... or maybe I feel like I don't deserve to have fun? I really need to get over this neurosis...maybe I just need more time?
I am going to be a quarter of a century old and even thought I still feel like I am really really young, I also am worried about my life being 1/3 or 1/4 over (depending on my longevity.) I have NEVER thought this way about a birthday before. I remember wondering what Andy was talking about when he was so worried about approaching his 25th birthday. Now I know... I am 25 and there is no going back to youth. I am forever beyond college age and certainly high school age. I just have to keep remembering that I may be on the back side of my 20's but that doesn't mean that I am limited as to what I can do and what I can attempt and who I can be. We are always forming and changing and becoming and in that sense, age is irrelevant. I'd just better not notice any new wrinkles and I'd better not get any gray hairs.
Time to get back to work after lunch!
I think this is one of my top favorite holidays. I had many a childhood birthday party on Halloween and have nothing but fond memories of trick or treating with my friends, dressing in less-than-comfortable costumes and watching scary movies. A Halloween highlight: The dentist on our street always gave out tooth brushes and we always acted mad, but we went back every year to get another.
I don't have a costume today. I did, however, bring a pair of bunny ears with me and have been wearing them intermittently throughout the day. The CEO has on Halloween sox and earrings and a Happy Halloween sweater and a big pumpkin is dangling from her necklace. Other than that, you wouldn't know it was Halloween around here. This is one day of the year that I'd really like to just hang out in an elementary school so I could see all the little kids in their costumes eagerly anticipating the 3:30 bell so they can go home and knock on neighbors' doors begging for candy. I do not, however, want to be an elementary school teacher, and no matter how it may seem, this desire to be around kids for the holiday does not mean I am ready to have kids of my own.
My friend Patty read my blog the other day and said she did the same thing with a Care Bear in Walgreens on a trip to Texas last weekend. She was gravitating toward Wish Bear, however. I think it is so cool that I am not the only nut who felt the pull of the Care Bears. Whewh.
It is my pre-birthday weekend. Ever since my birthday was totally destroyed two years ago, I am scared to get excited about birthday plans and birthdays in general. I was excited last week, but now that the weekend is upon us, I am afraid of what might happen to make it not fun... or maybe I feel like I don't deserve to have fun? I really need to get over this neurosis...maybe I just need more time?
I am going to be a quarter of a century old and even thought I still feel like I am really really young, I also am worried about my life being 1/3 or 1/4 over (depending on my longevity.) I have NEVER thought this way about a birthday before. I remember wondering what Andy was talking about when he was so worried about approaching his 25th birthday. Now I know... I am 25 and there is no going back to youth. I am forever beyond college age and certainly high school age. I just have to keep remembering that I may be on the back side of my 20's but that doesn't mean that I am limited as to what I can do and what I can attempt and who I can be. We are always forming and changing and becoming and in that sense, age is irrelevant. I'd just better not notice any new wrinkles and I'd better not get any gray hairs.
Time to get back to work after lunch!
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
I am cited in a book!
Andy was smart enough to use the new feature on Amazon to look up his name and my name and Becca and MB's names to see if we'd been mentioned in any books and one of my El Paso Times articles was cited in Fronteras No Mas: Toward Social Justice at the U.S.-Mexico Border . I don't even remember the article, but I think it is exceedingly cool that I was cited in a book about the border (one of my main areas of interest). Of course, I have no idea if the author used my article to support her theory or to show what a stupid newspaper the El Paso Times is so perhaps I shouldn't be cheering yet. I am supposedly supposed to be able to see the actual page my name is on in the book on Amazon, but I don't think they have that feature working properly yet.
Anyways, this news that my name is in the endnotes of a book because of an article I wrote makes me think two things: 1) There is hope for me yet and 2) I should get a job doing things like writing newspaper articles that matter again. (Did I know that what I was doing mattered at the time?) I am still enjoying my PR/Communicator job and don't think I need to work for the MAN again yet. So I need to get freelancing fast. But getting started is scary.
****
I voted in person today for the first time ever. Until now, I had always just mailed in an absentee ballot during presidential or gubernatorial elections. Today, I went to the polling place and acted clueless and got to use a touch screen voting machine. The whole process was very cool. I don't think I necessarily felt like I was making a difference when I cast my vote, but I did feel like I was doing something important, even if it was just increasing voter turnout... or exercising my right to vote so that it can't someday be taken away.
*****
Oh, I also want to complain for a minute. I think it is abhorrent that it is nearly dark when I drive to work and almost completely dark when I drive home. I can't wait until Spring and daylight savings time.
Andy was smart enough to use the new feature on Amazon to look up his name and my name and Becca and MB's names to see if we'd been mentioned in any books and one of my El Paso Times articles was cited in Fronteras No Mas: Toward Social Justice at the U.S.-Mexico Border . I don't even remember the article, but I think it is exceedingly cool that I was cited in a book about the border (one of my main areas of interest). Of course, I have no idea if the author used my article to support her theory or to show what a stupid newspaper the El Paso Times is so perhaps I shouldn't be cheering yet. I am supposedly supposed to be able to see the actual page my name is on in the book on Amazon, but I don't think they have that feature working properly yet.
Anyways, this news that my name is in the endnotes of a book because of an article I wrote makes me think two things: 1) There is hope for me yet and 2) I should get a job doing things like writing newspaper articles that matter again. (Did I know that what I was doing mattered at the time?) I am still enjoying my PR/Communicator job and don't think I need to work for the MAN again yet. So I need to get freelancing fast. But getting started is scary.
****
I voted in person today for the first time ever. Until now, I had always just mailed in an absentee ballot during presidential or gubernatorial elections. Today, I went to the polling place and acted clueless and got to use a touch screen voting machine. The whole process was very cool. I don't think I necessarily felt like I was making a difference when I cast my vote, but I did feel like I was doing something important, even if it was just increasing voter turnout... or exercising my right to vote so that it can't someday be taken away.
*****
Oh, I also want to complain for a minute. I think it is abhorrent that it is nearly dark when I drive to work and almost completely dark when I drive home. I can't wait until Spring and daylight savings time.
Monday, October 27, 2003
Finally! I just figured out how to make it so that my readers...(reader, perhaps) can e-mail me from the blog. I will indeed someday master HTML.
This weekend Neil and I went to Roswell in search of Aliens. We did not find any, but it was still a fun and slightly fascinating weekend. Our hotel was old and a little funky, but we had a king suite, which meant we got two rooms, one with a big bed and one with the most uncomfortable couch we had ever sat on. Despite the fact that the couch sounded like crinkling cellophane when sat upon, we were both thrilled that our hotel room included a couch. I think it is evidence of the bizarre phenomenon wherein people are always overly excited about small features of hotel rooms despite the fact that they most likely have better features in their homes. For example, people get excited about coffee makers, when they have espresso machines at home. Or the excitement over the free toiletries supplied by hotels is another good example. Even if you have salon-quality shampoo in your suitcase, it is still somehow thrilling when the hotel provides Caswell and Masey shampoo or even Panteen.
Anyway, I digress. Roswell is basically a sleepy little oil town with an international reputation as the UFO capital of the world. For several blocks on the town's main street, the street lights are actually alien heads and there are at least three city blocks with virtually nothing but alien-related stores. There is the International UFO Museum and Research Center, a museum that opened in the late 90s and chronicles the history of the "crash" in 1947. The museum is a huge tourist draw. Then the rest of the alien stuff consists of stores selling alien junk and one cool-looking coffee shop called Out of This World. At the junk stores, you can get alien mugs, t-shirts, stuffed animals, golf balls, guitar picks, underwear, cookie jars, toys, candy, beer, wine... You name an item and you can get it with an alien on it in Roswell.
There is also an anti-alien research center set up directly across the street from the UFO museum. The sign has an alien head with a red circle around it and a line across it's face, as if aliens are something people can campaign against. The men inside the store are Christians selling coffee and a variety of super right-wing religious books. One of the founders of the anti-alien research center was abducted and wants to stop aliens through faith. We walked in, wondering what it was (we should have known when it said "Every knee shall bow" on the sign in big lettering) and walked out very quickly, but not before I got some free anti-alien stickers.
We also went to the newest Roswell attraction: Alien Encounter: Where Aliens Research Humans. I had high hopes for this, and while it was cool, it was basically a glorified haunted house with absolutely nothing to do with aliens other than the alien crap they sold in the gift shop. But we did get very scared... terrified, actually.
Perhaps the coolest place was Alien Zone, a gift shop that has an Area 51 in the back and for $2 you can go in and take photos with lots of friendly aliens. I can't wait to get the film developed so I can frame the picture of Neil drinking a beer with one alien wearing a plaid shirt.
I remain undecided as to whether or not I believe in the little green men, but my alien adventure was very entertaining. Even the Wal Mart in Roswell is in on the Alien craze. Instead of the traditional blue stripe on top of the building, Roswell's Wal Mart is green and has a big alien head painted on the side of the building. I wish I were kidding, but I'm not.
I was hoping to be abducted, or to feel an alien presence, or see a piece of the UFO (apparently the Military has every last piece.) But instead, Neil and I went to dinner and a movie and then drove home the next morning.
This weekend Neil and I went to Roswell in search of Aliens. We did not find any, but it was still a fun and slightly fascinating weekend. Our hotel was old and a little funky, but we had a king suite, which meant we got two rooms, one with a big bed and one with the most uncomfortable couch we had ever sat on. Despite the fact that the couch sounded like crinkling cellophane when sat upon, we were both thrilled that our hotel room included a couch. I think it is evidence of the bizarre phenomenon wherein people are always overly excited about small features of hotel rooms despite the fact that they most likely have better features in their homes. For example, people get excited about coffee makers, when they have espresso machines at home. Or the excitement over the free toiletries supplied by hotels is another good example. Even if you have salon-quality shampoo in your suitcase, it is still somehow thrilling when the hotel provides Caswell and Masey shampoo or even Panteen.
Anyway, I digress. Roswell is basically a sleepy little oil town with an international reputation as the UFO capital of the world. For several blocks on the town's main street, the street lights are actually alien heads and there are at least three city blocks with virtually nothing but alien-related stores. There is the International UFO Museum and Research Center, a museum that opened in the late 90s and chronicles the history of the "crash" in 1947. The museum is a huge tourist draw. Then the rest of the alien stuff consists of stores selling alien junk and one cool-looking coffee shop called Out of This World. At the junk stores, you can get alien mugs, t-shirts, stuffed animals, golf balls, guitar picks, underwear, cookie jars, toys, candy, beer, wine... You name an item and you can get it with an alien on it in Roswell.
There is also an anti-alien research center set up directly across the street from the UFO museum. The sign has an alien head with a red circle around it and a line across it's face, as if aliens are something people can campaign against. The men inside the store are Christians selling coffee and a variety of super right-wing religious books. One of the founders of the anti-alien research center was abducted and wants to stop aliens through faith. We walked in, wondering what it was (we should have known when it said "Every knee shall bow" on the sign in big lettering) and walked out very quickly, but not before I got some free anti-alien stickers.
We also went to the newest Roswell attraction: Alien Encounter: Where Aliens Research Humans. I had high hopes for this, and while it was cool, it was basically a glorified haunted house with absolutely nothing to do with aliens other than the alien crap they sold in the gift shop. But we did get very scared... terrified, actually.
Perhaps the coolest place was Alien Zone, a gift shop that has an Area 51 in the back and for $2 you can go in and take photos with lots of friendly aliens. I can't wait to get the film developed so I can frame the picture of Neil drinking a beer with one alien wearing a plaid shirt.
I remain undecided as to whether or not I believe in the little green men, but my alien adventure was very entertaining. Even the Wal Mart in Roswell is in on the Alien craze. Instead of the traditional blue stripe on top of the building, Roswell's Wal Mart is green and has a big alien head painted on the side of the building. I wish I were kidding, but I'm not.
I was hoping to be abducted, or to feel an alien presence, or see a piece of the UFO (apparently the Military has every last piece.) But instead, Neil and I went to dinner and a movie and then drove home the next morning.
Friday, October 24, 2003
Friday...
Last night Neil came home from the Elk ranch he stayed at Wednesday night for the story he's working on. He had great stories about seeing some amazing wild animals, but he was also cranky and exhausted. I am the type of person who always wants everyone to be happy, or who wants to fix people when they're not happy. I couldn't fix him. We watched a funny movie -- Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? -- and we both laughed...But that was the extent of it. It didn't help matters that the two Papa Johns locations nearest our house seem to be having turf wars and neither one wants to deliver pizza to us.
But, today is Friday and usually Fridays have some sort of cleansing power...Time for renewal of sorts. Tonight, Neil and I head off on our Alien Adventure....(that's a fancy way of saying we are taking a trip to Roswell) We're bringing board games in case of boredom. I hope it's fun.
On my way home from work on Wednesday I stopped to pick up a prescription from Walgreens and ended up purchasing a Care Bear stuffed animal. It's Cheer Bear... The pink bear with the rainbow on her stomach. I couldn't help myself... There was a deal where you could get three bears for $11.99. I almost got three, Sunshine Bear and Sleepy Bear were my other choices. So I got the one bear (It looks very similar to the Cheer Bear stuffed animal I have in a box somewhere -- a relic from childhood) and I brought it to work and now it is sitting on my desk and it makes me very very happy to look at it. Is this bizarre? I suppose not entirely. It is a symbol from childhood that I clearly must associate with lots of happy memories. Plus, it's pink and named Cheer Bear... But am I regressing? Am I regressing too much?
In other news, there is a baby cockroach belly up by the toilet here at work. I am trying to avoid the bathroom for the rest of the day and I cannot wait to move to the new office in December. My fear of disgusting bugs is one "issue" that I am happy to have.
With that, I'm out of here.
Last night Neil came home from the Elk ranch he stayed at Wednesday night for the story he's working on. He had great stories about seeing some amazing wild animals, but he was also cranky and exhausted. I am the type of person who always wants everyone to be happy, or who wants to fix people when they're not happy. I couldn't fix him. We watched a funny movie -- Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? -- and we both laughed...But that was the extent of it. It didn't help matters that the two Papa Johns locations nearest our house seem to be having turf wars and neither one wants to deliver pizza to us.
But, today is Friday and usually Fridays have some sort of cleansing power...Time for renewal of sorts. Tonight, Neil and I head off on our Alien Adventure....(that's a fancy way of saying we are taking a trip to Roswell) We're bringing board games in case of boredom. I hope it's fun.
On my way home from work on Wednesday I stopped to pick up a prescription from Walgreens and ended up purchasing a Care Bear stuffed animal. It's Cheer Bear... The pink bear with the rainbow on her stomach. I couldn't help myself... There was a deal where you could get three bears for $11.99. I almost got three, Sunshine Bear and Sleepy Bear were my other choices. So I got the one bear (It looks very similar to the Cheer Bear stuffed animal I have in a box somewhere -- a relic from childhood) and I brought it to work and now it is sitting on my desk and it makes me very very happy to look at it. Is this bizarre? I suppose not entirely. It is a symbol from childhood that I clearly must associate with lots of happy memories. Plus, it's pink and named Cheer Bear... But am I regressing? Am I regressing too much?
In other news, there is a baby cockroach belly up by the toilet here at work. I am trying to avoid the bathroom for the rest of the day and I cannot wait to move to the new office in December. My fear of disgusting bugs is one "issue" that I am happy to have.
With that, I'm out of here.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
A friend informed me that it has been one month since I updated my blog. Only two people even know about this blog and I didn't know anyone was reading it... but here I am. Updating.
Today, I found Bubble Tea in Albuquerque. I have had it twice before in Seattle and while the experience was cool, the tea was not particularly good. But this morning, I read about a new cafe that has Bubble Tea, or Boba Tea and makes spring rolls (not fried, but wrapped in rice-paper-type dough). So, I went for lunch and it was awesome. The tea was delicious because it's not overly sweetened and the cups have the super-cool melted on lids with different cartoon animals on them.
I came back from lunch feeling so excited that I had discovered this place. I wanted to go in and tell people about it... But there was noone to tell. More than half the office is out this week for various conferences. One coworker was here but he's been in and out all day working on purchasing a new truck and I would have felt silly telling him of my excitement for bubble tea for two reasons 1) he was excited about something much more exciting -- new truck 2) he is not much of a gourmet eater. Today he had McDonald's for lunch and he doesn't eat salad... So a cafe with bizarre tea with big chewy bubbles in the bottom and vegetable-filled spring rolls probably wouldn't be too exciting to him.
I'm so happy to be home right now. Lately, I can't get enough of being home. Have I turned into a homebody? I don't really think so. I think it's really just that I never have time to myself. All time is scheduled.. Sometimes double scheduled. I want to do too much and end up not doing nearly enough. Last night I came home right after work (and after running a couple errands. I rented myself a movie and was looking forward to watching it and then writing a little.) BUT, I somehow managed to forget that I told my grandma she could call last night because I thought I would be home. So, she called in the middle of the movie and we talked for an hour about poetry and aging and by the time I got off the phone with her and watched the rest of the movie, I barely had time to clean up the house, get ready for the morning and get to bed before 11:30. I tossed and turned all night because Neil wasn't there. I woke up a little before 7 and was smack in the middle of the bed...bizarre. Then I raced to get ready, fed the bunny, forgot to put her back in her cage, ran out the door without breakfast and was still 30 minutes late to work.
Tonight I was supposed to go see Radio at one of those over-ticketed sneak previews that are free but you have to show up two hours early to ensure that you get a seat. I won the pass on the radio... (the first time I've ever been the tenth caller) but what a thing to win, a movie pass like the ones I used to always get for free when I worked at the newspaper. Anyway, I decided to stay home, eat dinner, go for a walk, play with the bunny, relax and get to sleep on time.
Today, I found Bubble Tea in Albuquerque. I have had it twice before in Seattle and while the experience was cool, the tea was not particularly good. But this morning, I read about a new cafe that has Bubble Tea, or Boba Tea and makes spring rolls (not fried, but wrapped in rice-paper-type dough). So, I went for lunch and it was awesome. The tea was delicious because it's not overly sweetened and the cups have the super-cool melted on lids with different cartoon animals on them.
I came back from lunch feeling so excited that I had discovered this place. I wanted to go in and tell people about it... But there was noone to tell. More than half the office is out this week for various conferences. One coworker was here but he's been in and out all day working on purchasing a new truck and I would have felt silly telling him of my excitement for bubble tea for two reasons 1) he was excited about something much more exciting -- new truck 2) he is not much of a gourmet eater. Today he had McDonald's for lunch and he doesn't eat salad... So a cafe with bizarre tea with big chewy bubbles in the bottom and vegetable-filled spring rolls probably wouldn't be too exciting to him.
I'm so happy to be home right now. Lately, I can't get enough of being home. Have I turned into a homebody? I don't really think so. I think it's really just that I never have time to myself. All time is scheduled.. Sometimes double scheduled. I want to do too much and end up not doing nearly enough. Last night I came home right after work (and after running a couple errands. I rented myself a movie and was looking forward to watching it and then writing a little.) BUT, I somehow managed to forget that I told my grandma she could call last night because I thought I would be home. So, she called in the middle of the movie and we talked for an hour about poetry and aging and by the time I got off the phone with her and watched the rest of the movie, I barely had time to clean up the house, get ready for the morning and get to bed before 11:30. I tossed and turned all night because Neil wasn't there. I woke up a little before 7 and was smack in the middle of the bed...bizarre. Then I raced to get ready, fed the bunny, forgot to put her back in her cage, ran out the door without breakfast and was still 30 minutes late to work.
Tonight I was supposed to go see Radio at one of those over-ticketed sneak previews that are free but you have to show up two hours early to ensure that you get a seat. I won the pass on the radio... (the first time I've ever been the tenth caller) but what a thing to win, a movie pass like the ones I used to always get for free when I worked at the newspaper. Anyway, I decided to stay home, eat dinner, go for a walk, play with the bunny, relax and get to sleep on time.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Ok. So it has been more than one year since I updated this thing... And I am sure that my audience of three has probably dwindled to zero.. So now I am posting and nobody will read...
I got a new job... Not nearly as abysmal a job as the one I quit right when I started this blog.... I enjoy my days.. Most of the time I even look forward to getting to work. Imagine.
I am still not writing like I want to. I can't seem to make the time for myself... I am always tired or on the go, or wanting to do one more thing. Recently, my problem is that I want to do EVERYTHING. I want to be in politics, take dance class, go to the gym daily, watch every movie released in the theatres, be an activist, volunteer, travel, pay off my debt, make money, find success in my job, write books, publish magazine articles, work at a magazine, be in touch with all my old friends... You get the picture. I am not sure if this is some product of my approaching 25th birthday.. Maybe I am realizing that I'm not going to be young forever??? Or something... But I am not consciously worried about being old... I just want to do everything. It's bizarre and slightly out of control.
Anyway, I thought I'd post here for fun. Maybe I will begin to make a habit out of it?
I got a new job... Not nearly as abysmal a job as the one I quit right when I started this blog.... I enjoy my days.. Most of the time I even look forward to getting to work. Imagine.
I am still not writing like I want to. I can't seem to make the time for myself... I am always tired or on the go, or wanting to do one more thing. Recently, my problem is that I want to do EVERYTHING. I want to be in politics, take dance class, go to the gym daily, watch every movie released in the theatres, be an activist, volunteer, travel, pay off my debt, make money, find success in my job, write books, publish magazine articles, work at a magazine, be in touch with all my old friends... You get the picture. I am not sure if this is some product of my approaching 25th birthday.. Maybe I am realizing that I'm not going to be young forever??? Or something... But I am not consciously worried about being old... I just want to do everything. It's bizarre and slightly out of control.
Anyway, I thought I'd post here for fun. Maybe I will begin to make a habit out of it?
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