Patriot?
Oh shit. It happened again. Just when I was certain that I wasn't a patriot, that the American flag held no emotionalism for me... that while I believe in the political process, I was somehow above feeling patriotic, a man named John Haber had to go comentating on NPR's All Things Considered last night. His piece was about being an advance man at the 1984 convention when the Democrats reclaimed the American flag at their San Francisco convention. The radio piece was only 3 minutes and 35 seconds and all Haber talked about was how he came up with the theme for the address at that convention and decided to wave American flags even though the Republicans had claimed the flag as their own. When the 40,000 flags arrived they all said Made in Taiwan and volunteers removed the words from each flag with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips and then passed the flags out on the convention floor for all the atendees to wave during Mondale's address...
When the commentary ended, I found that I had a little tear in my eye. Crying about the flag? This was almost as bad as my American flag purchase (which happened by cover of night at a Wal Mart about a week after the Sept. 11 attacks). I suppose my purpose in bringing this up is that I am wondering why I am so ashamed to be patriotic? I really don't know why I view any surge of patriotism I feel as an ugly wart or a personality defect. Was I like this when a president I approved of was in office? I don't remember...Back then, there weren't so many things that would evoke patriotism.. We weren't under attack, there wasn't a deep divide in the country between the parties, there wasn't a war.
I know that in Mrs. Garcia's fifth grade class, I LOVED U.S. History. I was obsessed with Abraham Lincoln and I memorized all of the presidents in order. Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe Adams, Jackson, Van Buren, Harrison, Tyler, Polk, Taylor, Filmore, Pierce...you get the picture. When my family visited Washington D.C. that year, I was awed by the monuments and the historic places we visited. I found it amazing to be in the same place George Washington once was. So what happened between the time I was 10 and now that has made me so cynical? I'm not sure, but I have some guesses... George Bush? Terrorism? Embarassing and needless wars? Prison scandals? International shame?
But John Kerry spoke last night and he seems to have made a good impression. Balloons and confetti fell from the ceiling, the delegates cheered. I hope it was a big enough launch. I hope something amazing happens. I hope the Johns win the election and that maybe then, I won't be afraid to be proud of my country.
Friday, July 30, 2004
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Tires, Rocks and Bitter Coffee
* I took Neil's truck in to Discount Tire for what I thought was going to be an expensive visit because his front right tire had a bulge in it that was not supposed to be there. The tire guy came out to take a look and said, "That's just great." I gasped and then he said, "I'll tell you what we're going to do for you, we're going to give you four brand new tires for the cost of the warranty because these tires have been defective and while nothing bad has happened with them, we want our customers to be safe." And so, I got four brand new tires for only $38.09. Best part, the tires I had would have only been good for one more year and to replace them would have cost about $400.
I realize that it is a little bit sad to be thrilled about getting free tires. It's a sign that I am, unfortunately, grown up. Back when I was cool, I would have laughed at the girl-woman opening her eyes wide, looking at Mr. Discount Tire and saying, "This is such good news! You made my day!" (OK I must not be entirely uncool, because it's still a little funny to me that I did that.)
* While I was waiting for my four new tires to be installed, I decided to go to the Walgreens that's right across the street from the tire store. It was hot out and I wanted a bottle of water. So, I headed out the door and started walking down the hill. (Discount Tire is situated on a big hill) To get to the sidewalk, I had to walk down a too-steep grassy slope and then traverse a field of boulders. Then once I crossed the street I had to use my best rock climbing skills to descend the steep rocky wall and get to Walgreens (which happens to be in a valley of sorts). All of this made me realize how completely non-pedestrian friendly American cities have become. The designers of that corner of commerce clearly didn't even think about the poor stranded driver waiting for new tires... they couldn't imagine why anyone would want to cross eight lanes of traffic and climb down two steep hills only to have to climb up again. This is a testament to a) bad planning and b) the laziness of our society... we're completely reliant on cars.
* I was going to write about the terribly bitter coffee I drank this afternoon at work.. but it makes my tongue hurt to think about it.
* I took Neil's truck in to Discount Tire for what I thought was going to be an expensive visit because his front right tire had a bulge in it that was not supposed to be there. The tire guy came out to take a look and said, "That's just great." I gasped and then he said, "I'll tell you what we're going to do for you, we're going to give you four brand new tires for the cost of the warranty because these tires have been defective and while nothing bad has happened with them, we want our customers to be safe." And so, I got four brand new tires for only $38.09. Best part, the tires I had would have only been good for one more year and to replace them would have cost about $400.
I realize that it is a little bit sad to be thrilled about getting free tires. It's a sign that I am, unfortunately, grown up. Back when I was cool, I would have laughed at the girl-woman opening her eyes wide, looking at Mr. Discount Tire and saying, "This is such good news! You made my day!" (OK I must not be entirely uncool, because it's still a little funny to me that I did that.)
* While I was waiting for my four new tires to be installed, I decided to go to the Walgreens that's right across the street from the tire store. It was hot out and I wanted a bottle of water. So, I headed out the door and started walking down the hill. (Discount Tire is situated on a big hill) To get to the sidewalk, I had to walk down a too-steep grassy slope and then traverse a field of boulders. Then once I crossed the street I had to use my best rock climbing skills to descend the steep rocky wall and get to Walgreens (which happens to be in a valley of sorts). All of this made me realize how completely non-pedestrian friendly American cities have become. The designers of that corner of commerce clearly didn't even think about the poor stranded driver waiting for new tires... they couldn't imagine why anyone would want to cross eight lanes of traffic and climb down two steep hills only to have to climb up again. This is a testament to a) bad planning and b) the laziness of our society... we're completely reliant on cars.
* I was going to write about the terribly bitter coffee I drank this afternoon at work.. but it makes my tongue hurt to think about it.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
More Things
I am surviving my lonely days so far. I have made it through three nights at home alone with relative success and am on my fourth day... which means I'm almost halfway finished with this living alone business... It's strange, I never minded being alone until I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with... Before, it was like there was the promise of finding that someone...so nights alone weren't so bad...Or maybe it was that I did not yet know what I was missing? But now, when Neil is away, I feel intensely lonely...and it's not just lonely for anyone.. I miss him. I want his company. I suppose all of this is good since we're married and all... but I hope we don't have too many more long stretches of time apart. It's very un-fun.
Wiley, one of my fabulous dogs, has been chewing on his foot for several weeks and in the last week, it has become red and puffy and he has started chewing the hair off his leg too. I got very worried and took him to a vet in Santa Fe while visiting my family on Saturday. They gave Wiley a steroid shot and an antibiotic shot and seven days worth of antibiotics that are nearly impossible for me to feed to him and they charged me something like $128, which I promptly put on my credit card since I'm very broke at the moment. I was promised that he would stop chewing his foot shortly and everything would be better. But, last night he was still chewing away. So, I called the friendly vet in Santa Fe this morning who has my money and talked to one of the doctors (not the one who saw Wiley) who told me that I definitly need to take Wiley back to the vet because he very possibly has something lodged in his foot like a cactus spike or fox tail and it needs to come out. I said ok, hung up and then realized that the doctor on Saturday didn't even LOOK at the foot to see if anything was stuck in it! Now I am mad... and I want my money back and an appology for giving my dog possibly unnecessary shots... but instead of driving an hour to demand this service, I am taking Wiley to our vet near home this afternoon. I just can't waste the time.
This past weekend, I rented Dirty Dancing Havanna Nights and while I was very wary of the movie and assumed it would suck, I love it. They should have given it a different name because, while similar, it is not just like the original Dirty Dancing...There's nothing like a happy movie with dancing and romance to cheer up a lonely night at home.
I am surviving my lonely days so far. I have made it through three nights at home alone with relative success and am on my fourth day... which means I'm almost halfway finished with this living alone business... It's strange, I never minded being alone until I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with... Before, it was like there was the promise of finding that someone...so nights alone weren't so bad...Or maybe it was that I did not yet know what I was missing? But now, when Neil is away, I feel intensely lonely...and it's not just lonely for anyone.. I miss him. I want his company. I suppose all of this is good since we're married and all... but I hope we don't have too many more long stretches of time apart. It's very un-fun.
Wiley, one of my fabulous dogs, has been chewing on his foot for several weeks and in the last week, it has become red and puffy and he has started chewing the hair off his leg too. I got very worried and took him to a vet in Santa Fe while visiting my family on Saturday. They gave Wiley a steroid shot and an antibiotic shot and seven days worth of antibiotics that are nearly impossible for me to feed to him and they charged me something like $128, which I promptly put on my credit card since I'm very broke at the moment. I was promised that he would stop chewing his foot shortly and everything would be better. But, last night he was still chewing away. So, I called the friendly vet in Santa Fe this morning who has my money and talked to one of the doctors (not the one who saw Wiley) who told me that I definitly need to take Wiley back to the vet because he very possibly has something lodged in his foot like a cactus spike or fox tail and it needs to come out. I said ok, hung up and then realized that the doctor on Saturday didn't even LOOK at the foot to see if anything was stuck in it! Now I am mad... and I want my money back and an appology for giving my dog possibly unnecessary shots... but instead of driving an hour to demand this service, I am taking Wiley to our vet near home this afternoon. I just can't waste the time.
This past weekend, I rented Dirty Dancing Havanna Nights and while I was very wary of the movie and assumed it would suck, I love it. They should have given it a different name because, while similar, it is not just like the original Dirty Dancing...There's nothing like a happy movie with dancing and romance to cheer up a lonely night at home.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Things
It's almost the weekend, which, while normally exciting, is a little daunting this week for several reasons:
1) Neil is leaving for the Democratic Convention in Boston and I will be:
a) lonely
b) worried about him with the looming terrorism threats
c) lonely
2) I have a million errands to run and not a lot of money to complete the errands.
3) I have a ton of work to do at work and wish I could finish it before the weekend, but it
doesn't look likely...
That said, I AM hanging out with my brother on Saturday and I'm looking forward to that. No clue what we'll do, but I'm sure we'll find something fun.
Today was staff appreciation day at work. This day consists of each staff member recieving his or her favorite Starbuck's drink this morning, lunch from a good sandwich shop which is being delivered and ... BOWLING. Yup, from 2-5 we went bowling... it was fun, but the last thing I was excited about doing on a sunny summer afternoon is going to a dark, smoky bowling alley and putting my feet into those stinky shoes and my fingers into those dirty holes on the bowling ball... But we did have fun and in the end, i felt appreciated...
It's almost the weekend, which, while normally exciting, is a little daunting this week for several reasons:
1) Neil is leaving for the Democratic Convention in Boston and I will be:
a) lonely
b) worried about him with the looming terrorism threats
c) lonely
2) I have a million errands to run and not a lot of money to complete the errands.
3) I have a ton of work to do at work and wish I could finish it before the weekend, but it
doesn't look likely...
That said, I AM hanging out with my brother on Saturday and I'm looking forward to that. No clue what we'll do, but I'm sure we'll find something fun.
Today was staff appreciation day at work. This day consists of each staff member recieving his or her favorite Starbuck's drink this morning, lunch from a good sandwich shop which is being delivered and ... BOWLING. Yup, from 2-5 we went bowling... it was fun, but the last thing I was excited about doing on a sunny summer afternoon is going to a dark, smoky bowling alley and putting my feet into those stinky shoes and my fingers into those dirty holes on the bowling ball... But we did have fun and in the end, i felt appreciated...
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
The Universe
Not long ago I read about an interesting daily e-mail service on my friend Robbe's blog. It sounded a little hokey, but I thought it couldn't hurt to try it out... it was hokey but intriguing. The e-mails are "Notes from the Universe" and they arrive in my inbox every morning. They are usually entertaining and occasionally they seem very poignant. I enjoy reading them and don't always take them too seriously... but check out what I got today:
Once you make-up your mind, jodi, and start something; really commit to it; say "YES!", and never look back.... Do you have any doubt, any doubt whatsoever, that I will not rush to your side?
That legions won't be summoned? That players won't be drawn to your corner? Connections made? Circumstances crafted? Dots connected?
That the course of history won't be irrevocably changed?
Good, I didn't think so.
I'd say you're ready,
The Universe
Now, maybe I am being like those nut cases on that psychic show that believe they're talking to their dead grandparents because John Edward says the person he's channeling liked to wear plaid.... but this note from the Universe seems really relevant given the fact that I was pondering my next move and have been trying to think of ways to do more of what I want to do and less of what I don't without risking everything. And now I know the Universe will rush to my side and conspire to make me successful... Of course, really I should always assume this... I should always be under the assumption that I can succeed if I try... but it's nice to be reminded, even if it is just some new-age healer guy writing these notes and cranking them out on his automated e-mail system every morning...
Not long ago I read about an interesting daily e-mail service on my friend Robbe's blog. It sounded a little hokey, but I thought it couldn't hurt to try it out... it was hokey but intriguing. The e-mails are "Notes from the Universe" and they arrive in my inbox every morning. They are usually entertaining and occasionally they seem very poignant. I enjoy reading them and don't always take them too seriously... but check out what I got today:
Once you make-up your mind, jodi, and start something; really commit to it; say "YES!", and never look back.... Do you have any doubt, any doubt whatsoever, that I will not rush to your side?
That legions won't be summoned? That players won't be drawn to your corner? Connections made? Circumstances crafted? Dots connected?
That the course of history won't be irrevocably changed?
Good, I didn't think so.
I'd say you're ready,
The Universe
Now, maybe I am being like those nut cases on that psychic show that believe they're talking to their dead grandparents because John Edward says the person he's channeling liked to wear plaid.... but this note from the Universe seems really relevant given the fact that I was pondering my next move and have been trying to think of ways to do more of what I want to do and less of what I don't without risking everything. And now I know the Universe will rush to my side and conspire to make me successful... Of course, really I should always assume this... I should always be under the assumption that I can succeed if I try... but it's nice to be reminded, even if it is just some new-age healer guy writing these notes and cranking them out on his automated e-mail system every morning...
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Breathing and Other Things of Import
Twice in the last several days, I have found myself having trouble getting deep enough breaths while at my desk in the afternoon. It happened first last Friday and I left early to get my inhaler (which I have for my VERY infrequent respiratory problems that occur while exercising) Today, I borrowed a co-worker's inhaler (I know.. not the best idea.. but it's the same as the one I have at home.) I am not too worried about this...yet. However, it is an incredibly humbling/frustrating experience to be literally gasping for breath. It makes me think about all of the potential failings of my body, all the little things my body does that I take for granted every day, all the ways in which my body and the systems it contains define me -- who I am and what I can do.
On the same tangent, I have found myself wondering about the bigger picture again lately... always a dangerous thought process on which to embark. I was thinking about the book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. We read it in my 12th grade Humanities class and I can still see the teacher, Mr. Kurth, standing in front of the class pointing his finger at us and asking us if we were living our lives with quality. And I guess that for the past few days, I have been trying to answer this question. When you cut through all of the stuff and get down to the basics, am I living how I want to live? Am I having genuine experiences? Am I impacting people/the world in ways that I want to? Am I living deliberately? The answer to all of those questions is probably a little yes and a little no. As frustrating as this line of thought is, it's also important to end up here every so often. Reassessing one's life and the path one is on is a necessity because when we live without thinking about how we're living, we stand to miss out on many chances to live a quality life... If any of this ever makes any more sense to me, I will try to elaborate...
Twice in the last several days, I have found myself having trouble getting deep enough breaths while at my desk in the afternoon. It happened first last Friday and I left early to get my inhaler (which I have for my VERY infrequent respiratory problems that occur while exercising) Today, I borrowed a co-worker's inhaler (I know.. not the best idea.. but it's the same as the one I have at home.) I am not too worried about this...yet. However, it is an incredibly humbling/frustrating experience to be literally gasping for breath. It makes me think about all of the potential failings of my body, all the little things my body does that I take for granted every day, all the ways in which my body and the systems it contains define me -- who I am and what I can do.
On the same tangent, I have found myself wondering about the bigger picture again lately... always a dangerous thought process on which to embark. I was thinking about the book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. We read it in my 12th grade Humanities class and I can still see the teacher, Mr. Kurth, standing in front of the class pointing his finger at us and asking us if we were living our lives with quality. And I guess that for the past few days, I have been trying to answer this question. When you cut through all of the stuff and get down to the basics, am I living how I want to live? Am I having genuine experiences? Am I impacting people/the world in ways that I want to? Am I living deliberately? The answer to all of those questions is probably a little yes and a little no. As frustrating as this line of thought is, it's also important to end up here every so often. Reassessing one's life and the path one is on is a necessity because when we live without thinking about how we're living, we stand to miss out on many chances to live a quality life... If any of this ever makes any more sense to me, I will try to elaborate...
Meth Lab
I am convinced that there is a meth lab in my neighborhood. Nobody I tell this to believes me for a second, but I am absolutely convinced. For some time, I have been noticing a strange and repulsive smell in my backyard at night when I take the dogs out. It's not every night and it's only there fairly late at night. It completely penetrates the air and is untracable... as in, it's not coming from any direction in particular...it's just hanging there. I have been wondering and wondering what the smell was coming from and then last week I saw a news story on TV that began like this, "Neighbors in the blah blah neighborhood finally know what was making their neighborhood stink... Authorities busted a meth lab there this afternoon." This is when the light bulb went on. "Ah hah!" I said. "It's meth I've been smelling. Someone in my neighborhood is cooking meth at night."
I mentioned the bad smell to a neighbor over the wall the other day and he became very suspicious himself...I just said that there was this bad smell in the yard at night and did he have any idea what it was and he sort of gasped and said, "Do you think it's a meth lab?" right off the bat in a nervous manner... Now that everyone is suspect, I will have to stop discussing my theory with neighbors.
Yes, I might be insane and there could very well be another explanation. Perhaps we will never find out if there is a meth lab nearby.. or maybe we won't know until whatever house it is in blows up. I am definitly more than a little creeped out -- even if it's only a crazy theory I've cooked up... it seems very possible. Who knows what's lurking behind the walls in my little suburban neighborhood where everyone has matching houses and matching front yards and it's just a little too neat and clean for everything to be on the up and up...
I am convinced that there is a meth lab in my neighborhood. Nobody I tell this to believes me for a second, but I am absolutely convinced. For some time, I have been noticing a strange and repulsive smell in my backyard at night when I take the dogs out. It's not every night and it's only there fairly late at night. It completely penetrates the air and is untracable... as in, it's not coming from any direction in particular...it's just hanging there. I have been wondering and wondering what the smell was coming from and then last week I saw a news story on TV that began like this, "Neighbors in the blah blah neighborhood finally know what was making their neighborhood stink... Authorities busted a meth lab there this afternoon." This is when the light bulb went on. "Ah hah!" I said. "It's meth I've been smelling. Someone in my neighborhood is cooking meth at night."
I mentioned the bad smell to a neighbor over the wall the other day and he became very suspicious himself...I just said that there was this bad smell in the yard at night and did he have any idea what it was and he sort of gasped and said, "Do you think it's a meth lab?" right off the bat in a nervous manner... Now that everyone is suspect, I will have to stop discussing my theory with neighbors.
Yes, I might be insane and there could very well be another explanation. Perhaps we will never find out if there is a meth lab nearby.. or maybe we won't know until whatever house it is in blows up. I am definitly more than a little creeped out -- even if it's only a crazy theory I've cooked up... it seems very possible. Who knows what's lurking behind the walls in my little suburban neighborhood where everyone has matching houses and matching front yards and it's just a little too neat and clean for everything to be on the up and up...
Friday, July 16, 2004
Clarification
I want to clarify that I don't actually dislike all republicans. I have some very nice republican friends... however, the thought of being in a room with a bunch of republicans who have come together to BE REPUBLICAN.... (as I would be at the convention) is a little scary. I appologize for possibly offending any republican readers...
I want to clarify that I don't actually dislike all republicans. I have some very nice republican friends... however, the thought of being in a room with a bunch of republicans who have come together to BE REPUBLICAN.... (as I would be at the convention) is a little scary. I appologize for possibly offending any republican readers...
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Republican dilemma
To go or not to go...
I have been presented with a very unique offer. I can pay $272 for a plane ticket to New York City and attend the Republican National Convention (with a press pass and everything). I will have my meals and hotel room paid for and my traveling companion will be none other than my fabulous husband. This all seems interesting... maybe even cool...except:
a) I don't like republicans
b) I don't have more time to take off work
c) We have to leave on this adventure five days after returning from a nine day vacation to Oregon... that means more leaving our dogs again and more kennel bills.
d) Did I mention that I really don't like republicans?
Despite all of these detractors, I am still strangely interested in going to what will undoubtedly be one of the most major targets of terrorism at that moment in time... Help. I should have made plans to go to Boston with Neil for the Democratic National Convention, but that is rapidly approaching and while I could still go, we would still have the problem of boarding the dogs, taking time off work and affording the travel... at least I like Democrats....
What I can't determine: Is this a once in a lifetime opportunity that I can't let myself miss out on? Or is this just an excuse to take an unplanned trip to New York...
To go or not to go...
I have been presented with a very unique offer. I can pay $272 for a plane ticket to New York City and attend the Republican National Convention (with a press pass and everything). I will have my meals and hotel room paid for and my traveling companion will be none other than my fabulous husband. This all seems interesting... maybe even cool...except:
a) I don't like republicans
b) I don't have more time to take off work
c) We have to leave on this adventure five days after returning from a nine day vacation to Oregon... that means more leaving our dogs again and more kennel bills.
d) Did I mention that I really don't like republicans?
Despite all of these detractors, I am still strangely interested in going to what will undoubtedly be one of the most major targets of terrorism at that moment in time... Help. I should have made plans to go to Boston with Neil for the Democratic National Convention, but that is rapidly approaching and while I could still go, we would still have the problem of boarding the dogs, taking time off work and affording the travel... at least I like Democrats....
What I can't determine: Is this a once in a lifetime opportunity that I can't let myself miss out on? Or is this just an excuse to take an unplanned trip to New York...
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
I Don't Want to Know About It
Sometimes I think I have a sign on my forehead that reads "Tell me all the things that you wouldn't/shouldn't tell anyone else, burden me with your problems, ask me for advice -- that's why I'm here" or maybe it just says something more to the point like: "I have two functioning ears." Whatever the case, I am often the recipient of oversharing.
In job interviews, the prospective employer often blurts out things about how dumb the previous applicants were and how much better my answers were to the interview questions (yes, this really has happened to me). When checking out at the grocery store, it's not uncommon for me to learn all about the checker's grievance with the grocery store chain and the lack of vacation. And, it's a given that if someone in the office is crying, I WILL walk by their office just as they look up toward the door in the hopes that someone will come comfort them. I am that person, the listener, the comforter, the bringer of hugs, advice and reassurances. I don't really mind this roll all the time. I like to make people feel better. I like to be there for people (especially friends... the strangers really need to go find their own friends.) But sometimes too much of other peoples' problems can rain down on me and leave me feeling like everyone else's' problems are my own.
I am in that overwhelmed place right now because, far worse than dealing with strangers dumping their worries or inappropriate ramblings on me, sometimes people too close to me pull me into their problems and I am not even capable of being an objective observer -- I'm part of the situation. This is where I find myself right now... I may be great at advice... or maybe it's that I'm really sympathetic... I'm not sure why I am a magnet for venting of every kind... but I need a respite.
Maybe it's hard to believe, but despite the sign on my forehead, not even I have all the answers all the time.
Sometimes I think I have a sign on my forehead that reads "Tell me all the things that you wouldn't/shouldn't tell anyone else, burden me with your problems, ask me for advice -- that's why I'm here" or maybe it just says something more to the point like: "I have two functioning ears." Whatever the case, I am often the recipient of oversharing.
In job interviews, the prospective employer often blurts out things about how dumb the previous applicants were and how much better my answers were to the interview questions (yes, this really has happened to me). When checking out at the grocery store, it's not uncommon for me to learn all about the checker's grievance with the grocery store chain and the lack of vacation. And, it's a given that if someone in the office is crying, I WILL walk by their office just as they look up toward the door in the hopes that someone will come comfort them. I am that person, the listener, the comforter, the bringer of hugs, advice and reassurances. I don't really mind this roll all the time. I like to make people feel better. I like to be there for people (especially friends... the strangers really need to go find their own friends.) But sometimes too much of other peoples' problems can rain down on me and leave me feeling like everyone else's' problems are my own.
I am in that overwhelmed place right now because, far worse than dealing with strangers dumping their worries or inappropriate ramblings on me, sometimes people too close to me pull me into their problems and I am not even capable of being an objective observer -- I'm part of the situation. This is where I find myself right now... I may be great at advice... or maybe it's that I'm really sympathetic... I'm not sure why I am a magnet for venting of every kind... but I need a respite.
Maybe it's hard to believe, but despite the sign on my forehead, not even I have all the answers all the time.
Monday, July 12, 2004
Clean
On Saturday, we tried to go to the movies. About ten minutes into Spider Man 2 the projector broke. So, we ended up shopping for a while and then we went home and cleaned the house for four hours. Neil was not very happy about it. (Neither was I, to be honest, even if I did start it) But now, we have a clean house that I can't wait to get back to. There is something incredibly satisfying about working together to accomplish a physical task. It's so simple, yet so rewarding. And for about a week, our house will be clean and I'll be content coming home and doing things like reading and (gasp) writing because there won't be floors to mop and bathrooms that need cleaning and carpets that need vacuuming. Neurotic? Probably. A vehicle for procrastination? Absolutely. But no matter my personal neurosis -- there's nothing quite like a clean house.
On Saturday, we tried to go to the movies. About ten minutes into Spider Man 2 the projector broke. So, we ended up shopping for a while and then we went home and cleaned the house for four hours. Neil was not very happy about it. (Neither was I, to be honest, even if I did start it) But now, we have a clean house that I can't wait to get back to. There is something incredibly satisfying about working together to accomplish a physical task. It's so simple, yet so rewarding. And for about a week, our house will be clean and I'll be content coming home and doing things like reading and (gasp) writing because there won't be floors to mop and bathrooms that need cleaning and carpets that need vacuuming. Neurotic? Probably. A vehicle for procrastination? Absolutely. But no matter my personal neurosis -- there's nothing quite like a clean house.
Politics
It has been a while since I've written about politics, but I wanted to say that I am thrilled by John Kerry's choice for a running mate in John Edwards. Edwards is sunny and positive and personable. He's even...gasp... charismatic. He will bring to the Kerry campaign everything it has been lacking. (at least lots of things it has been lacking) Just seeing Edwards standing next to Kerry makes me so much more excited to vote for Kerry in November -- I sincerely hope it has a similar impact on other voters.
It has been a while since I've written about politics, but I wanted to say that I am thrilled by John Kerry's choice for a running mate in John Edwards. Edwards is sunny and positive and personable. He's even...gasp... charismatic. He will bring to the Kerry campaign everything it has been lacking. (at least lots of things it has been lacking) Just seeing Edwards standing next to Kerry makes me so much more excited to vote for Kerry in November -- I sincerely hope it has a similar impact on other voters.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Things
The long weekend is over and after one full day of work, I am already completely unrested.
The weekend was good. We went to see the Flying Karamazov Brothers in their new show Life: A Guide for the Perplexed. It was thoroughly entertaining and thought provoking at the same time. I am not sure I wanted to think about juggling in so many new ways... but there you have it.
My grandma seemed to enjoy her 82nd birthday... the pancake breakfast was fun... but as I predicted, I didn't run into a single friend, only parents of friends and it felt a little lonely.
Random tangent: Britten is always saying how much she hates automatically flushing toilets.... and I never agreed with her before. I had fond memories of the automatic flush toilets in the O'Hare airport in Chicago. The major benefit as I see it: you don't have to touch anything that millions of other people have been touching with dirty hands. (yes, I am one of those people who uses my paper towel to open the bathroom door on my way out and would rather die than have to touch those trash cans with the flaps that need opening before you can throw out your trash... ) However, at the Lensic theatre on Saturday night, my opinion on these toilets completely changed. They are EVIL. I went to the bathroom during the intermission and as I stepped into the stall, Mr. Toilet started flushing like a maniac. It flushed when I shut the door, when I hung my purse on the hook...It was splashing water everywhere (and my aversion to all things dirty or possibly dirty didn't take kindly to the water spraying at me) To make a long story... well, longer... I decided I didn't need to go to the bathroom and I went back to my seat. Automatic toilets suck.
However, my new love is automatic soap dispensers.... They have them at the Omni Shoreham in D.C. and they're amazing. You get just the right amount of soap and you don't have to touch an old soap-and-dirt-encrusted soap dispenser to get it.
Apparently it's not only juggling that I've been giving too much thought as of late...
Mysteriously, I've had terrible headaches for the past three days. This is making me very cranky and less than productive. I hope they go away...
The long weekend is over and after one full day of work, I am already completely unrested.
The weekend was good. We went to see the Flying Karamazov Brothers in their new show Life: A Guide for the Perplexed. It was thoroughly entertaining and thought provoking at the same time. I am not sure I wanted to think about juggling in so many new ways... but there you have it.
My grandma seemed to enjoy her 82nd birthday... the pancake breakfast was fun... but as I predicted, I didn't run into a single friend, only parents of friends and it felt a little lonely.
Random tangent: Britten is always saying how much she hates automatically flushing toilets.... and I never agreed with her before. I had fond memories of the automatic flush toilets in the O'Hare airport in Chicago. The major benefit as I see it: you don't have to touch anything that millions of other people have been touching with dirty hands. (yes, I am one of those people who uses my paper towel to open the bathroom door on my way out and would rather die than have to touch those trash cans with the flaps that need opening before you can throw out your trash... ) However, at the Lensic theatre on Saturday night, my opinion on these toilets completely changed. They are EVIL. I went to the bathroom during the intermission and as I stepped into the stall, Mr. Toilet started flushing like a maniac. It flushed when I shut the door, when I hung my purse on the hook...It was splashing water everywhere (and my aversion to all things dirty or possibly dirty didn't take kindly to the water spraying at me) To make a long story... well, longer... I decided I didn't need to go to the bathroom and I went back to my seat. Automatic toilets suck.
However, my new love is automatic soap dispensers.... They have them at the Omni Shoreham in D.C. and they're amazing. You get just the right amount of soap and you don't have to touch an old soap-and-dirt-encrusted soap dispenser to get it.
Apparently it's not only juggling that I've been giving too much thought as of late...
Mysteriously, I've had terrible headaches for the past three days. This is making me very cranky and less than productive. I hope they go away...
Friday, July 02, 2004
Drudgery
It's amazing how quickly after being away, one settles back into the same old routine. Sadly, all of the unexciting tasks that were plaguing me before I left town last Sunday are here waiting for me now that I am back. I wonder if anyone lives a life absent of drudgery. Is there anyone who has managed to cut through all the crap and focus only on the important tasks, the tasks that improve the world and make you feel alive? Probably not.
Tradition
On Sunday morning, I will wake up early, shower, get dressed in something I think is cute and head to the plaza in Santa Fe for the annual July 4 Pancake Breakfast. I cannot remember a year when I didn't wake up early to walk around and see old friends and eat the spongy pancakes and greasy sausage links. My friend Britten's dad always plays in the band, my grandma always sits in the front row by the stage to watch the music, I always get a little too much sun. We walk up the side street with all the old cars parked along it and say things like, "Look how old this one is." and "I would totally want this car." We always act amazed even thought it's highly likely we've seen these same cars every other year at the pancake breakfast.
One year, not too long ago, I spent the morning walking around with a group of friends who had all gathered to see Carl, our friend who was undergoing chemo and would later die because of the tumor growing in his brain. But on that July 4th, Carl was very much alive. I still have a picture from that day tacked to my refrigerator. Smiling friends with arms around each other, posing in front of the puppet show booth -- my arm, linked around Carl's back. Sometimes, I try to look at that picture and remember what that year felt like at the pancake breakfast, what that hug in the picture felt like, but as with most things, the memory has faded and melted into all the other years that I spent July 4 on the plaza.
There is something both sad and comforting about traditions. The comfort comes from repetition and predictability. The sadness from change. Carl is no longer at the annual breakfast, neither is my grandfather, or the rabbi who used to get up on stage and dance like crazy. Other people have moved away and don't make it a priority to visit over the July 4 holiday anymore. The city built a big gazebo on the plaza instead of just erecting the metal bandstand that they used every year of my childhood. And so on.
But even though things are changing and there may be a year soon when I do something entirely different on the 4th of July and don't even think about the gathering I'm missing in Santa Fe, this year, I will be loyal. I will eat the pancakes and sausage. I will look at the old cars. I will visit my grandma in the front row and wish her a happy 82nd birthday. I will listen to the patriotic music, spend too much time in the sun, and remember who I am and where I came from.
It's amazing how quickly after being away, one settles back into the same old routine. Sadly, all of the unexciting tasks that were plaguing me before I left town last Sunday are here waiting for me now that I am back. I wonder if anyone lives a life absent of drudgery. Is there anyone who has managed to cut through all the crap and focus only on the important tasks, the tasks that improve the world and make you feel alive? Probably not.
Tradition
On Sunday morning, I will wake up early, shower, get dressed in something I think is cute and head to the plaza in Santa Fe for the annual July 4 Pancake Breakfast. I cannot remember a year when I didn't wake up early to walk around and see old friends and eat the spongy pancakes and greasy sausage links. My friend Britten's dad always plays in the band, my grandma always sits in the front row by the stage to watch the music, I always get a little too much sun. We walk up the side street with all the old cars parked along it and say things like, "Look how old this one is." and "I would totally want this car." We always act amazed even thought it's highly likely we've seen these same cars every other year at the pancake breakfast.
One year, not too long ago, I spent the morning walking around with a group of friends who had all gathered to see Carl, our friend who was undergoing chemo and would later die because of the tumor growing in his brain. But on that July 4th, Carl was very much alive. I still have a picture from that day tacked to my refrigerator. Smiling friends with arms around each other, posing in front of the puppet show booth -- my arm, linked around Carl's back. Sometimes, I try to look at that picture and remember what that year felt like at the pancake breakfast, what that hug in the picture felt like, but as with most things, the memory has faded and melted into all the other years that I spent July 4 on the plaza.
There is something both sad and comforting about traditions. The comfort comes from repetition and predictability. The sadness from change. Carl is no longer at the annual breakfast, neither is my grandfather, or the rabbi who used to get up on stage and dance like crazy. Other people have moved away and don't make it a priority to visit over the July 4 holiday anymore. The city built a big gazebo on the plaza instead of just erecting the metal bandstand that they used every year of my childhood. And so on.
But even though things are changing and there may be a year soon when I do something entirely different on the 4th of July and don't even think about the gathering I'm missing in Santa Fe, this year, I will be loyal. I will eat the pancakes and sausage. I will look at the old cars. I will visit my grandma in the front row and wish her a happy 82nd birthday. I will listen to the patriotic music, spend too much time in the sun, and remember who I am and where I came from.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Herding Cattle
In Washington D.C., where I was for the past four days for work, I saw an old friend who helped remind me of a few things. First, seeing Robbe reminded me how great reconnecting with old friends can be. Second, seeing him reminded me how much fun we used to have being geeks in computer labs and putting out the crazy magazine he invented in college. And maybe, most importantly, seeing Robbe reminded me to slow down.
What? You may ask. Slow down? Let me explain. Robbe is probably the one person on the planet that I know who has more plans and dreams than anyone. And he somehow seems to get everything done that he wants to. He wanted to start a magazine in college: done. He wanted to start a company that designs websites: done. Wanted to be in an improv group: done. And so on. Naturally, I am incredibly impressed and had just assumed that he had somehow limitless energy and never slept.
Over lunch yesterday, I was telling him how I often feel like I need to be doing more and fast so that I can accomplish all the things in life that I want to. He told me he'd heard a saying that helped him a lot:
"The fastest way to move cattle...is s l o w"
And for the first time in a while, I got to take a deep breath.
(thanks, Robbe)
Big Winner
Last year, when I attend the same conference, but it was in Seattle, and I was new to the credit union industry, I sat through the entire awards luncheon and watched people receive glass awards and I vowed to return this year and win at least one.
On Tuesday night, during this year's awards presentation (which included an open bar) I drank my whiskey and coke and hoped to win in one of the four categories I'd entered. I did not expect to win three first place awards and the Best in Show award. Note: I did not do all the work on my own. One of the first place awards (best logo design) was entirely for my co-worker and the other three awards were for projects we worked on together. But it was SO cool.
Coolness factors:
1) It's always cool to win recognition for something you've worked hard on
2) I like awards
3) New Mexico never wins awards at these things and we won four
4) I became famous among the conference people and ended up talking to a lot of attendees I may not have otherwise talked to.
Not so cool:
Carrying home four heavy glass things on the airplane.
Communication, Baby
It was absolutely wonderful to be surrounded by 30 people from across the country who do my exact same job. It was great to see friends I made last year and also great to make new friends.
Being with the credit union association communications people was a bit like being with my writer friends at Bennington in that we are all obsessed with the same things.
For example: Ten otherwise hip people in their 20s and 30s were at a restaurant in Washington D.C. on a recent night proofreading the menu.
I can't wait until next June.
In Washington D.C., where I was for the past four days for work, I saw an old friend who helped remind me of a few things. First, seeing Robbe reminded me how great reconnecting with old friends can be. Second, seeing him reminded me how much fun we used to have being geeks in computer labs and putting out the crazy magazine he invented in college. And maybe, most importantly, seeing Robbe reminded me to slow down.
What? You may ask. Slow down? Let me explain. Robbe is probably the one person on the planet that I know who has more plans and dreams than anyone. And he somehow seems to get everything done that he wants to. He wanted to start a magazine in college: done. He wanted to start a company that designs websites: done. Wanted to be in an improv group: done. And so on. Naturally, I am incredibly impressed and had just assumed that he had somehow limitless energy and never slept.
Over lunch yesterday, I was telling him how I often feel like I need to be doing more and fast so that I can accomplish all the things in life that I want to. He told me he'd heard a saying that helped him a lot:
"The fastest way to move cattle...is s l o w"
And for the first time in a while, I got to take a deep breath.
(thanks, Robbe)
Big Winner
Last year, when I attend the same conference, but it was in Seattle, and I was new to the credit union industry, I sat through the entire awards luncheon and watched people receive glass awards and I vowed to return this year and win at least one.
On Tuesday night, during this year's awards presentation (which included an open bar) I drank my whiskey and coke and hoped to win in one of the four categories I'd entered. I did not expect to win three first place awards and the Best in Show award. Note: I did not do all the work on my own. One of the first place awards (best logo design) was entirely for my co-worker and the other three awards were for projects we worked on together. But it was SO cool.
Coolness factors:
1) It's always cool to win recognition for something you've worked hard on
2) I like awards
3) New Mexico never wins awards at these things and we won four
4) I became famous among the conference people and ended up talking to a lot of attendees I may not have otherwise talked to.
Not so cool:
Carrying home four heavy glass things on the airplane.
Communication, Baby
It was absolutely wonderful to be surrounded by 30 people from across the country who do my exact same job. It was great to see friends I made last year and also great to make new friends.
Being with the credit union association communications people was a bit like being with my writer friends at Bennington in that we are all obsessed with the same things.
For example: Ten otherwise hip people in their 20s and 30s were at a restaurant in Washington D.C. on a recent night proofreading the menu.
I can't wait until next June.
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