Strep
Last week I didn't feel great. My throat felt weird and one of my tonsils was really big, along with both glands on the side of my throat...So, at the urging of my boss, I went to the doctor. Going to the doctor is not like is used to be. Now that I am on an HMO health plan, I have to wait for at least an hour in the waiting room and a half-hour in the exam room before seeing a doctor; I believe the waiting time is mandated... Last week was even worse than normal and I had to wait for about two hours before I saw the doctor. Then, of course, she does the most cursory exam, swabs my throat a couple times and sends me on my way with a prescription I am not to fill unless I get a call from her office. I was done within seven minutes from the minute she walked in the door.
Even in this very brief time, the doctor was able to make me feel like I was a hypochondriac. She does this every time – even when I am shivering with a 102 degree fever. It's amazing. They must have taught her this skill along with "bedside manner" in medical school. Anyways, last week, the doctor said "I'll swab your throat to be sure it's not strep, but it doesn't look like strep to me. It actually looks like some food is stuck in your tonsil and it has caused a little infection. No big deal. Go home and gargle salt water."
So, I left feeling dumb and exhausted (both from my long stay in the waiting room and the fact that I was sick.) I spent the rest of Thursday laying low at home and returned to work Friday. I felt a little off all weekend, but figured it was just my body fighting the foreign particle in my tonsil (which the doctor so helpfully drew a picture of so that I could see how it really has lots of crevasses in it and it's not smooth.) I went to work on Monday feeling ok and blamed the lack of energy on the cloudiness and then Tuesday morning, I got a phone call from the doctor asking if I "went ahead and filled the antibiotic prescription."
I explained that I hadn't and she suggested I do it since my throat culture came back positive for STREP! She said it's a different kind of strep, but I should take the antibiotics to be sure to get rid of it.
While I was glad for the explanation for my exhaustion and general malaise, I was and remain a tad annoyed that it took from last Thursday until this Tuesday (that's six days) to let me know that the throat culture was positive. Also annoying: The fact that the doctor sent me home feeling like I was crazy and dumb when actually, I had strep.
So, I am now on antibiotics and seem to be slowly emerging from the haze. It's really too bad that I have to be afraid of my health care provider. HMOs are the devil.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Friday, November 12, 2004
Old Friends
This week I have been spending a lot of time downloading music from my cd's to the computer and then uploading them onto my iPod. Everyone predicted this would be the case if I ever got an iPod because: a) I am musically obsessed and b) I own an obscene number of cds.
In the process of scouring my CD collection for music suitable to be on my iPod, I came across an old cd that some friends of mine made in high school. Their band was called The Creation Band and they were really good. Surprisingly, they weren't just good back then because I was in high school and all the other garage bands were terrible. This band was really good. The members were all a little too obsessed with reggae culture as some privileged white adolescent boys tend to become during high school -- but we could forgive them because they were good friends and they were talented musicians – we got over the dreadlocks and fake Jamaican accents.
The summer after high school while I was working two jobs and preparing for college, The Creation Band went on tour. I believe that is when they recorded their album. When I left for college, I had a tape of the album and I played and played it as a way to stay connected to my friends and to avoid becoming too homesick. In fact, I played it so much that the ribbon wore out and I could only listen to a few songs at the beginning of the tape and a few songs at the end. My sophomore roommate became enamored with one of the band members because she thought he had a sexy voice. I thought she was slightly insane, but we kept listening until it became really obvious that the tape was not going to work anymore.
During the spring of my senior year in college, the band's trombone player, my first boyfriend and subsequently one of my really good friends, Carl, died of a brain tumor. Sometime shortly after I flew home to speak at his memorial, I received a CD in the mail from his parents. It was the Creation Band album. I was thrilled since I had reluctantly retired the tape two years earlier. Of course, the music was something different now... it was music to listen to if I wanted to cry. I would find the tracks that featured Carl playing his trombone and crank them up and sob. This weepy stage lasted a while and the CD went into storage...until this week.
Out of the five or six band members that I was friends with in high school, today I am in touch with one. I know that one of the guitarists moved to
I used to mourn these faded friendships. In high school, you love your friends fast and hard. They are family. I still miss the people who have drifted away from me… And today, when I listened to the Creation Band CD for the first time in four years, I felt like I got some of those friends back in a small way, at least for a moment. The Creation Band has turned into a happy memory of old friends and past times, a connection to who we were back then…I am so grateful to have this music that can take me back.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Clouds
Yesterday I went walking at lunch with my new iPod. It was totally unseasonable weather -- I think the high was around 72 degrees -- and the sun was shining and the wind was blowing ever-so slightly which made the beautifully-colored leaves slowly drift from the trees. The grass was still green and it was just a perfect day. Add to that how exciting it was to be walking around with my iPod that I had just loaded up with 278 songs and how nice it was to have that alone time to just think. I didn't want to go inside at the end of the walk. I could have kept walking all afternoon. I love having moments like that, having my own personal adventure and creating a moment to savor by doing something as simple as taking a long walk with good music.
Today, it's cloudy. I went walking with a coworker and we got rained on a little bit. I feel good after today's walk, but I was happy to be back in the office in my turtleneck sweater and corduroys. Strange how much of a difference weather can make on my mood. When it's sunny and the sky is blue and infinite, I feel like everything is possible. When it's cloudy, I feel like curling up with a book, lighting candles, wearing flannel PJ's...you get the idea. Both moods can be good, but I'd prefer an abundance of sunny days. Here's hoping for no clouds tomorrow.
Sorry Everybody
I am completely in love with this site. Basically hundreds and hundreds of people have taken apology pictures and posted them here. Mostly it's Americans apologizing to the rest of the world, but there are also people from Canada, Spain, Finland, France, Australia and others with little signs of their own accepting our apologies. It's so cheesy and pathetic, but at the same time it's absolutely perfect. I am really moved by the number of people who took the time to write out a sign and take a picture holding it and post their pictures on the internet. It makes a really powerful statement. I hope lots of people around the world get the chance to check the site out.
Monday, November 08, 2004
I couldn't have said it better
"The big danger is one of hubris. There's a tendency after you win your second term to think you're invulnerable. You're not just king of the mountain, you've mastered the mountain. That can often lead to mistakes of excessive pride."
David R. Gergen, former presidential adviser
The above quote is the quote of the day from the New York Times daily e-mail. It so clearly expresses one of my biggest fears about the recent reelection of W. The thing is, we were already witnessing mistakes of excessive pride when Bush hadn't even been elected by the popular majority. Now, since he was elected by the majority, he is running around saying he has "political capital" to burn. This is terrifying.
I saw on the news last night that a school district in
Meanwhile, in Jodiland, things are ok. I had a good weekend that included seeing The Incredibles (awesome), attending a UNM basketball game that we thought was going to be a football game (long story), having a belated birthday lunch with my dad and grandma and Neil in Santa Fe (fun), going to a book signing by Zsolt my old ballet and piano teacher who has since contracted a debilitating disease and is now confined to a wheelchair and wrote a book about living and dying (I cried), received an iPod for my birthday from my parents (very exciting) and ate an entirely too large dinner at the Steaksmith.
My great-aunt Irma is really ill and my mom flew to
Friday, November 05, 2004
Best Headline
The hilarious headline of the day from CNN.com: Some Kerry supporters glum after loss.
The article itself is about how shrinks in blue states got a spike in business after the election. Which is somehow funny to me... maybe because it's so obvious? What? Kerry supporters are glum? Who could imagine that?
I will admit feeling glum about staring down the barrel of another four years with Bush as president, but I'm doing better. It is not a death sentence. Instead, it's a new reason for us to fight as hard as we can. We have to protect our rights and work to keep our country a place that values difference and individual freedoms. If we all give up and go into a Prozac haze, or worse a pit of despair, who knows what kind of country we'll wake up to in four years.
Anyways, in
Task number one: Cheer up and continue to stand for what I believe in.
"Tens of millions of us are disappointed today because we put so much of ourselves into this election. We donated money, we talked to friends, we knocked on doors. We invested ourselves in the political process.
That process does not end today. These are not short-term investments. We will only create lasting change if that sense of obligation and responsibility becomes a permanent part of our lives.
Martin Luther King, Jr. said, 'Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. '
We will not be silent. "
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Disaster
It happened. My worst fear was realized and George W. Bush was re-elected. But as if that wasn't bad enough, Republicans also kept the majority in the House and the Senate. And the icing on the cake? Eleven states approved constitutional amendments banning gay marriage.
I am an underrepresented minority. This is terrifying to me because Bush is so obviously the worst president we have had in the history of this country. It is so incredibly clear to me that Bush is evil, that he does not have the country's best interest at heart, that he is using his power to better himself, not his country. And yet, millions more Americans voted for him than they did for John Kerry.
The pollsters say it all comes down to moral values... which is really a secret code for "conservative Christian values." Bush may not read the newspapers, he may have lied to the nation and world about the reasons for going into Iraq, he may have supported acts with misleading names like the "Clear Skies Initiative" and "No Child Left Behind" which actually increase pollution and leave children WAY behind, he may make decisions based on the voices in his head that he believes are coming from god, but it doesn't matter to the majority of Americans. They don't care that he gives tax breaks to the very very rich and is in bed with big business (Halliburton anyone?). They don’t care that he has driven our nation into deep deep debt. All they cared about when they stepped inside those voting booths yesterday was that Bush shared their "values" (actually beliefs that limit the freedom of others...e.g. abortion is bad, gays are bad). Oh, and Bush says God a lot and, if you believe him, then you know that God chose him to be president.
"Of course, well, if GOD says so..."
Needless to say, this is not the most stellar of birthdays... but it's also not the worst. Life will go on. Four years will pass. I hope that some of those Supreme Court justices will hang on for another four years. I hope that the erosion of our civil liberties will cease. I know it's a cliché, but I am considering moving away from here...maybe not permanently, but just until things start to turn around. Although, if all the people who think like me leave, we'll be essentially surrendering our country to those red people in the red states.
I don't have all the answers, but I feel like my balloon has been deflated and like there's a rain cloud hovering overhead.
It happened. My worst fear was realized and George W. Bush was re-elected. But as if that wasn't bad enough, Republicans also kept the majority in the House and the Senate. And the icing on the cake? Eleven states approved constitutional amendments banning gay marriage.
I am an underrepresented minority. This is terrifying to me because Bush is so obviously the worst president we have had in the history of this country. It is so incredibly clear to me that Bush is evil, that he does not have the country's best interest at heart, that he is using his power to better himself, not his country. And yet, millions more Americans voted for him than they did for John Kerry.
The pollsters say it all comes down to moral values... which is really a secret code for "conservative Christian values." Bush may not read the newspapers, he may have lied to the nation and world about the reasons for going into Iraq, he may have supported acts with misleading names like the "Clear Skies Initiative" and "No Child Left Behind" which actually increase pollution and leave children WAY behind, he may make decisions based on the voices in his head that he believes are coming from god, but it doesn't matter to the majority of Americans. They don't care that he gives tax breaks to the very very rich and is in bed with big business (Halliburton anyone?). They don’t care that he has driven our nation into deep deep debt. All they cared about when they stepped inside those voting booths yesterday was that Bush shared their "values" (actually beliefs that limit the freedom of others...e.g. abortion is bad, gays are bad). Oh, and Bush says God a lot and, if you believe him, then you know that God chose him to be president.
"Of course, well, if GOD says so..."
Needless to say, this is not the most stellar of birthdays... but it's also not the worst. Life will go on. Four years will pass. I hope that some of those Supreme Court justices will hang on for another four years. I hope that the erosion of our civil liberties will cease. I know it's a cliché, but I am considering moving away from here...maybe not permanently, but just until things start to turn around. Although, if all the people who think like me leave, we'll be essentially surrendering our country to those red people in the red states.
I don't have all the answers, but I feel like my balloon has been deflated and like there's a rain cloud hovering overhead.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
The Big Day
People are voting. I wish I could simultaneously knock on the door of every American voter and encourage everyone to vote for John Kerry. This is SO important!
Instead, I am a spectator.
Tonight, I will go home and watch enough cable news for the next four years of my life. Hopefully, by the time I go to sleep, I will know who the president is. If not, I will wake ups tomorrow and watch some more cable news. It's like staring at a terrible car accident, or not being able to turn off a crime drama because you need to see the end. Only, I am a woman obsessed with politics.
Despite being a tad nervous about the outcome, I do like the excitement that is in the air. I like the fact that all of the voting Americans are going to be having a shared experience today, that so many people are going to the polls to exercise their right to vote and to make their voices heard. And that so many Americans are engaged in this process. We have thousands and thousands of new voters this year and I suppose that is one of the positive outcomes of all the political rancor we've been subjected to (or a part of) for so many months and years. Even though we are so polarized and have been fighting for so long, maybe (and I know it's a big maybe) this election will bring people together in the end? Whatever happens, there seems to be a calm hovering above the United States right now. Is it the calm before the storm of lawyers and partisan wrangling? Or maybe it's the calm after the storm of negative ads and campaigning we've endured for the past year. Perhaps it's just the calm between storms...
j.g.s Election Prediction: Despite, or perhaps because of, the fact that I am way too informed about this race, I can't even begin to make a prediction...
People are voting. I wish I could simultaneously knock on the door of every American voter and encourage everyone to vote for John Kerry. This is SO important!
Instead, I am a spectator.
Tonight, I will go home and watch enough cable news for the next four years of my life. Hopefully, by the time I go to sleep, I will know who the president is. If not, I will wake ups tomorrow and watch some more cable news. It's like staring at a terrible car accident, or not being able to turn off a crime drama because you need to see the end. Only, I am a woman obsessed with politics.
Despite being a tad nervous about the outcome, I do like the excitement that is in the air. I like the fact that all of the voting Americans are going to be having a shared experience today, that so many people are going to the polls to exercise their right to vote and to make their voices heard. And that so many Americans are engaged in this process. We have thousands and thousands of new voters this year and I suppose that is one of the positive outcomes of all the political rancor we've been subjected to (or a part of) for so many months and years. Even though we are so polarized and have been fighting for so long, maybe (and I know it's a big maybe) this election will bring people together in the end? Whatever happens, there seems to be a calm hovering above the United States right now. Is it the calm before the storm of lawyers and partisan wrangling? Or maybe it's the calm after the storm of negative ads and campaigning we've endured for the past year. Perhaps it's just the calm between storms...
j.g.s Election Prediction: Despite, or perhaps because of, the fact that I am way too informed about this race, I can't even begin to make a prediction...
Monday, November 01, 2004
Hero of the Day
Today's hero is Eminem. I saw him on Saturday Night Live this weekend performing his new song "Mosh" which is awesome and makes a great statement and will hopefully reach people who are less inclined to go out and vote and encourage them to go to their polling place tomorrow. The song is best when heard while watching the video...Mosh
Tomorrow is the big day. Clinton was in town yesterday to rally the party faithful. It was cool to see him at the rally. He made a clear and compelling case for John Kerry. He told the crowd that Kerry wants to increase the number of troops in Iraq, he wants to double the size of the U.S. Special Forces, he is committed to succeeding in Iraq and for these reasons, he will be better for our national security than George "God made me president" Bush.
I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow. I am not letting myself get too hopeful, but I am also not going to start believing that Bush is going to be re-elected. I'm looking forward to watching the drama unfold tomorrow and I sincerely hope that the outcome will be a good one.
Today's hero is Eminem. I saw him on Saturday Night Live this weekend performing his new song "Mosh" which is awesome and makes a great statement and will hopefully reach people who are less inclined to go out and vote and encourage them to go to their polling place tomorrow. The song is best when heard while watching the video...Mosh
Tomorrow is the big day. Clinton was in town yesterday to rally the party faithful. It was cool to see him at the rally. He made a clear and compelling case for John Kerry. He told the crowd that Kerry wants to increase the number of troops in Iraq, he wants to double the size of the U.S. Special Forces, he is committed to succeeding in Iraq and for these reasons, he will be better for our national security than George "God made me president" Bush.
I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow. I am not letting myself get too hopeful, but I am also not going to start believing that Bush is going to be re-elected. I'm looking forward to watching the drama unfold tomorrow and I sincerely hope that the outcome will be a good one.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Alone
I have come to believe that most people go through life disguising their aloneness by surrounding themselves with family and friends and so on. However, despite the fact that I have family and friends and Neil, there are moments (like today, for instance) when all of that falls away and I am reminded that I really am alone .
It's hard to say exactly what makes one of these moments occur. Maybe it is in part because I live so far away from most of my friends and because I haven't seen Neil a lot lately and because I've never lived near my extended family and because my little brother is in Italy and my mom is working so much it takes her three days to return my phone calls and when she does she only has three minutes to talk and because my dad is really absorbed with his own crap and maybe not the best-equipped to help me cope with mine...
But anyways, I just realized a few minutes ago, for what was probably the 4 millionth time in my life, that I am really alone. Hopefully the illusion that I am not alone will rebuild itself soon, because this feeling is always terrifying...
I have come to believe that most people go through life disguising their aloneness by surrounding themselves with family and friends and so on. However, despite the fact that I have family and friends and Neil, there are moments (like today, for instance) when all of that falls away and I am reminded that I really am alone .
It's hard to say exactly what makes one of these moments occur. Maybe it is in part because I live so far away from most of my friends and because I haven't seen Neil a lot lately and because I've never lived near my extended family and because my little brother is in Italy and my mom is working so much it takes her three days to return my phone calls and when she does she only has three minutes to talk and because my dad is really absorbed with his own crap and maybe not the best-equipped to help me cope with mine...
But anyways, I just realized a few minutes ago, for what was probably the 4 millionth time in my life, that I am really alone. Hopefully the illusion that I am not alone will rebuild itself soon, because this feeling is always terrifying...
Monday, October 25, 2004
Hmm...
First of all, I tried to update last week to write about this awesome event I went to with Nancy on Wednesday night called First Fiction 2004. Basically five authors who recently published their first novels came to Albuquerque and read from their books at a bar downtown. It was very very cool and inspiring and it just felt good to be around a bunch of literary people for a bit...It made me long for the long days at Bennington and the faculty and student readings and endless literary discussions over every single meal. I had some more profound things to say about the whole experience last week, but then my entire post was deleted. So for now, that's all I've got.
So, today, I had to look up a teen author who submitted an article to me and then vanished. We want to publish it but need her photo and her address so we can pay her blah blah blah... After exhausting everything else, I decided to Google her and lo and behold, there she was. I found her blog and it had a different e-mail address on it and, gasp, a phone number. So, my problem may be solved. But then I began to wonder how easy it would be to find me. I typed in my first and last name and sure enough, the first link to me came up from a newspaper article about credit unions in which I was quoted but the second was this blog. Now, I thought I had done a good job of hiding the blog, or at least not attaching it to my whole name... apparently not. I got sloppy and put my name on the little copyright line at the bottom of the blog. (I changed it this afternoon to only show my initials, but might be stuck in Google's search engine for a long time to come). It's not like I am publishing nuclear secrets on here or anything, but I also like to maintain some degree of anonymity... so that someone looking me up can't type in my name in Google, stumble upon my blog and learn way more about me than I want them to know. Not sure what to do to resolve this dilemma. Can I contact Google and ask to be removed? When will their little monkeys come across my now name-free page again and update their files? Augh.
Meanwhile, Neil is out of town and has been since Saturday morning. It's lonely without him. I am really looking forward to some quality husband time sometime soon.
And finally a consumer warning, DO NOT sign up for alarm service with Protect America. They are an evil company with many tricks and traps in their contracts and with salesmen who lie to get business. Long long story, but take my word for it.
First of all, I tried to update last week to write about this awesome event I went to with Nancy on Wednesday night called First Fiction 2004. Basically five authors who recently published their first novels came to Albuquerque and read from their books at a bar downtown. It was very very cool and inspiring and it just felt good to be around a bunch of literary people for a bit...It made me long for the long days at Bennington and the faculty and student readings and endless literary discussions over every single meal. I had some more profound things to say about the whole experience last week, but then my entire post was deleted. So for now, that's all I've got.
So, today, I had to look up a teen author who submitted an article to me and then vanished. We want to publish it but need her photo and her address so we can pay her blah blah blah... After exhausting everything else, I decided to Google her and lo and behold, there she was. I found her blog and it had a different e-mail address on it and, gasp, a phone number. So, my problem may be solved. But then I began to wonder how easy it would be to find me. I typed in my first and last name and sure enough, the first link to me came up from a newspaper article about credit unions in which I was quoted but the second was this blog. Now, I thought I had done a good job of hiding the blog, or at least not attaching it to my whole name... apparently not. I got sloppy and put my name on the little copyright line at the bottom of the blog. (I changed it this afternoon to only show my initials, but might be stuck in Google's search engine for a long time to come). It's not like I am publishing nuclear secrets on here or anything, but I also like to maintain some degree of anonymity... so that someone looking me up can't type in my name in Google, stumble upon my blog and learn way more about me than I want them to know. Not sure what to do to resolve this dilemma. Can I contact Google and ask to be removed? When will their little monkeys come across my now name-free page again and update their files? Augh.
Meanwhile, Neil is out of town and has been since Saturday morning. It's lonely without him. I am really looking forward to some quality husband time sometime soon.
And finally a consumer warning, DO NOT sign up for alarm service with Protect America. They are an evil company with many tricks and traps in their contracts and with salesmen who lie to get business. Long long story, but take my word for it.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
The Countdown
Two weeks from right now, polls will be closing on the east coast and people here will be waiting in lines to vote and I imagine the country will be on pins and needles. The "experts" are saying that we may not know who won the presidential election until Nov. 3 or even later. Nov. 3 happens to be my birthday. For my sake and the sake of my country, I really hope the election has been decided by Wednesday morning two weeks from now. If Kerry wins, that will be an extra b-day present for me, but even if Bush wins, having an election that doesn't have to go through litigation and doesn't leave the country even more divided than it already is would be of infinite value to the United States and, I imagine it will make my birthday more pleasant.
However, if we still don't know who the next president will be on my 26th birthday, maybe there will be rioting? Maybe news crews from around the world will be camped outside the Bernalillo County Clerk's office. (The clerk declared last week that the absentee ballots, of which there are expected to be more than 75,000, may not be counted until late Nov. 3rd.)Maybe it will be declared a national holiday because everyone will need to stay home and flip between CNN and MSNBC (and FOX for those conservatives among us) to watch people look at hanging chads or to find out where the missing ballot boxes have gone. I certainly don't wish for any of the aforementioned chaos, however, I believe all of it is entirely possible. Bush and Kerry lawyers could end up brawling outside courthouses and in front of cameras. The candidates could be forced to seek shelter in underground bunkers. We really just have no idea what is in store. The newspapers are saying that polls show a tie and that spells disaster. Maybe we'll split into two nations?
What a headache. I am so glad it's almost over.
Two weeks from right now, polls will be closing on the east coast and people here will be waiting in lines to vote and I imagine the country will be on pins and needles. The "experts" are saying that we may not know who won the presidential election until Nov. 3 or even later. Nov. 3 happens to be my birthday. For my sake and the sake of my country, I really hope the election has been decided by Wednesday morning two weeks from now. If Kerry wins, that will be an extra b-day present for me, but even if Bush wins, having an election that doesn't have to go through litigation and doesn't leave the country even more divided than it already is would be of infinite value to the United States and, I imagine it will make my birthday more pleasant.
However, if we still don't know who the next president will be on my 26th birthday, maybe there will be rioting? Maybe news crews from around the world will be camped outside the Bernalillo County Clerk's office. (The clerk declared last week that the absentee ballots, of which there are expected to be more than 75,000, may not be counted until late Nov. 3rd.)Maybe it will be declared a national holiday because everyone will need to stay home and flip between CNN and MSNBC (and FOX for those conservatives among us) to watch people look at hanging chads or to find out where the missing ballot boxes have gone. I certainly don't wish for any of the aforementioned chaos, however, I believe all of it is entirely possible. Bush and Kerry lawyers could end up brawling outside courthouses and in front of cameras. The candidates could be forced to seek shelter in underground bunkers. We really just have no idea what is in store. The newspapers are saying that polls show a tie and that spells disaster. Maybe we'll split into two nations?
What a headache. I am so glad it's almost over.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Quick Bits
* In China they call the Milky Way the Silver River. I like that...it seems very magical and beautiful. I heard a man being interviewed on the radio about the planets and stars and he said that astronomy terms are always very understandable. Spots on the sun are called sun spots; places in the universe with no light are called black holes etc. He said this makes the science accessible to people in a way other areas of science are not. I thought that was interesting and true. But I still did miserably in my Earth as a Planet class in college.
* I heard this line today from the poet Rainer Maria Rilke: "...be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now."
I am not prepared to intelligently write about the Rilke quote, but to say that I agree with it and it helped me gain a little perspective in the midst of a crazy week.
* We had fun with Neil's dad and sister last weekend. They liked the balloons and we enjoyed them even though we went two weekends in a row. Sunday we rode bikes to the zoo and saw a baby gorilla in a nursery with a diaper and a baby kangaroo in its mom's pouch. Very cool.
* I have been helping coordinate a visit from the U.S. Department of Treasury to one of our credit unions and then to a financial education program we help teach. The visit is tomorrow and I am petrified that it will be turned into a campaign speech for the administration. Why else would they be coming to this swing state at this time? My dad suggests I get up and interrupt if the speech by the Assistant Secretary begins to go awry. However, if I want to keep my job, that may not be a viable option. In the meantime, I am exhausted and behind on other work because I'm helping with all of this crazy Treasury stuff. Tomorrow, I report to work at 6:30 a.m. to drive to Santa Fe for the first event.
* Friday begins weekend 3 with house guests. Neil's mom rescheduled her visit for this coming weekend. Looking forward to seeing her, but if I don't get some down time to recharge soon, I don't know what will happen.
* The last presidential debate begins in a couple hours. I am having political nightmares already. I'm tempted to tune out the debate and watch a movie instead, but I'll probably watch because I want to be able to talk about it tomorrow. It's all so nerve-wracking...
* In China they call the Milky Way the Silver River. I like that...it seems very magical and beautiful. I heard a man being interviewed on the radio about the planets and stars and he said that astronomy terms are always very understandable. Spots on the sun are called sun spots; places in the universe with no light are called black holes etc. He said this makes the science accessible to people in a way other areas of science are not. I thought that was interesting and true. But I still did miserably in my Earth as a Planet class in college.
* I heard this line today from the poet Rainer Maria Rilke: "...be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now."
I am not prepared to intelligently write about the Rilke quote, but to say that I agree with it and it helped me gain a little perspective in the midst of a crazy week.
* We had fun with Neil's dad and sister last weekend. They liked the balloons and we enjoyed them even though we went two weekends in a row. Sunday we rode bikes to the zoo and saw a baby gorilla in a nursery with a diaper and a baby kangaroo in its mom's pouch. Very cool.
* I have been helping coordinate a visit from the U.S. Department of Treasury to one of our credit unions and then to a financial education program we help teach. The visit is tomorrow and I am petrified that it will be turned into a campaign speech for the administration. Why else would they be coming to this swing state at this time? My dad suggests I get up and interrupt if the speech by the Assistant Secretary begins to go awry. However, if I want to keep my job, that may not be a viable option. In the meantime, I am exhausted and behind on other work because I'm helping with all of this crazy Treasury stuff. Tomorrow, I report to work at 6:30 a.m. to drive to Santa Fe for the first event.
* Friday begins weekend 3 with house guests. Neil's mom rescheduled her visit for this coming weekend. Looking forward to seeing her, but if I don't get some down time to recharge soon, I don't know what will happen.
* The last presidential debate begins in a couple hours. I am having political nightmares already. I'm tempted to tune out the debate and watch a movie instead, but I'll probably watch because I want to be able to talk about it tomorrow. It's all so nerve-wracking...
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Ahhhhh...
Perhaps the best thing about living where I do is that for a week in October, weather permitting, I get to drive to work every day and look up at the sky to see hundreds of hot air balloons. Despite the simplicity of it, there's really nothing like a sky full of brightly colored balloons.
This morning was a great one. I got to look at balloons the entire way to work... I probably risked crashing several times, but I managed to arrive at work unscathed and now, I am watching balloons float by my window. At any one time between 30 and 50 balloons are framed by the wall of windows in my office. A few minutes ago a big Yellow and red balloon landed in the field across from our office and we got to watch the chase crew arrive and help the pilots fold the giant balloon and pack it into a trailer on their SUV. Of course, not much work has been accomplished thus far, but soon, the air will get too warm, all the balloons will come down and it will be as if it were another normal day. I am just grateful for the momentary joy these balloons have brought me on an otherwise normal Wednesday.
My family has told me that in the fall of 1996, when my grandpa was being rushed in an ambulance to the heart hospital a few days before he died, the balloons were in the sky and he had a great time watching them out the back window of his ambulance. I like to think about that at this time of year when I miss him the most. And now that I live here and can witness this extraordinary event every fall, I always do it with my grandpa in mind. I'm watching the balloons for him too.
Perhaps the best thing about living where I do is that for a week in October, weather permitting, I get to drive to work every day and look up at the sky to see hundreds of hot air balloons. Despite the simplicity of it, there's really nothing like a sky full of brightly colored balloons.
This morning was a great one. I got to look at balloons the entire way to work... I probably risked crashing several times, but I managed to arrive at work unscathed and now, I am watching balloons float by my window. At any one time between 30 and 50 balloons are framed by the wall of windows in my office. A few minutes ago a big Yellow and red balloon landed in the field across from our office and we got to watch the chase crew arrive and help the pilots fold the giant balloon and pack it into a trailer on their SUV. Of course, not much work has been accomplished thus far, but soon, the air will get too warm, all the balloons will come down and it will be as if it were another normal day. I am just grateful for the momentary joy these balloons have brought me on an otherwise normal Wednesday.
My family has told me that in the fall of 1996, when my grandpa was being rushed in an ambulance to the heart hospital a few days before he died, the balloons were in the sky and he had a great time watching them out the back window of his ambulance. I like to think about that at this time of year when I miss him the most. And now that I live here and can witness this extraordinary event every fall, I always do it with my grandpa in mind. I'm watching the balloons for him too.
Monday, October 04, 2004
Balloons
This weekend began the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta and Neil, Scott and I were on Balloon Fiesta Field at 6:15 Saturday morning to see the more than 700 balloons take flight. It was perfect weather and the balloons were awesome. Scott was visiting from Chicago which was fun. We hadn't seen him since Jenn's wedding in Iowa and then we only got to see him a little.
So the weekend was nice, but I'm exhausted. We had a dinner party Friday night in Scott's honor... or something like that... and there were about 14 people over. Our dogs didn't know what to do with themselves. At first they were barking at everyone they saw, but then they started to enjoy all the attention. It was a good experiment in dog socialization... and it was nice to get friends together and laugh.
I am happy that John Kerry won the debate (and he so clearly did). I'm glad he went up in the polls and I hope this trend continues until Election Day.
It is less than a month until we know who will run the country for the next four years. AND it's less than a month until my birthday! Both, very important events...
More house guests arrive Thursday and we do another round of Balloon Fiesta. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also looking forward to getting some sleep in between now and then.
This weekend began the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta and Neil, Scott and I were on Balloon Fiesta Field at 6:15 Saturday morning to see the more than 700 balloons take flight. It was perfect weather and the balloons were awesome. Scott was visiting from Chicago which was fun. We hadn't seen him since Jenn's wedding in Iowa and then we only got to see him a little.
So the weekend was nice, but I'm exhausted. We had a dinner party Friday night in Scott's honor... or something like that... and there were about 14 people over. Our dogs didn't know what to do with themselves. At first they were barking at everyone they saw, but then they started to enjoy all the attention. It was a good experiment in dog socialization... and it was nice to get friends together and laugh.
I am happy that John Kerry won the debate (and he so clearly did). I'm glad he went up in the polls and I hope this trend continues until Election Day.
It is less than a month until we know who will run the country for the next four years. AND it's less than a month until my birthday! Both, very important events...
More house guests arrive Thursday and we do another round of Balloon Fiesta. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also looking forward to getting some sleep in between now and then.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
The Meaning of Music
I have always been moved by music. I realize that sounds cheesy, but it's true. Music and writing speak to me. I've heard many songs in my life that express exactly what I'm feeling at the time I'm hearing them. Usually these songs become my favorites. I buy the CD and play the song over and over again. I sing at top volume -- grateful that I can finally so artfully express my current state of being... even if I am borrowing someone else's artful expression...I suspect that this is not something unique to me...but that it's actually sort of a universal product of the human condition... we're always looking for things that speak to us, that say something about our experience. This is why the stories on This American Life are always so compelling...it's actually a requirement that any stories aired reflect something about the broader human condition, not just the author's funny story. Maybe this is also one reason why people obsess over actors and other celebrities... because said celebrities have somehow expressed something their fans only wish they could have expressed. Anyway, I digress.
Music.
This morning, I rediscovered Finoa Apple's "Paper Bag." This was the song from her second CD that I instantly fell in love with. It was 1999. I was in the middle of my senior year of college and while I was in love with Neil, I was close enough to the times of romantic despair (many involving Neil) and I was still figuring out who I was and what I was about and this song was so smart and... well...artfully expressed, that I was hooked.
"Hunger hurts and I want him so bad, oh it kills, cuz I know I'm a mess he don't want to clean up. I've got to fold cuz these hands are too shaky to hold. Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs too much to love."
So, this morning, on my way to work, I put the CD in my car stereo and cranked the volume and sang Paper Bag, and even though I relate much less to Fiona Apple's particular dilemma at this point in my life than when I first heard the song, it was still awesome. I belted it out in my loudest i'm-alone-in-the-car-and-i-don't-care-how-i-sound voice and it felt great. Once you have been impacted by a song, it's sort of like a gift you get to keep with you for the rest of your life. When I'm 78, I imagine I'll still be able to put Paper Bag in the stereo and sing at top volume. The songs of my life are a part of me and pieced together, I think they might tell an interesting story.
I have always been moved by music. I realize that sounds cheesy, but it's true. Music and writing speak to me. I've heard many songs in my life that express exactly what I'm feeling at the time I'm hearing them. Usually these songs become my favorites. I buy the CD and play the song over and over again. I sing at top volume -- grateful that I can finally so artfully express my current state of being... even if I am borrowing someone else's artful expression...I suspect that this is not something unique to me...but that it's actually sort of a universal product of the human condition... we're always looking for things that speak to us, that say something about our experience. This is why the stories on This American Life are always so compelling...it's actually a requirement that any stories aired reflect something about the broader human condition, not just the author's funny story. Maybe this is also one reason why people obsess over actors and other celebrities... because said celebrities have somehow expressed something their fans only wish they could have expressed. Anyway, I digress.
Music.
This morning, I rediscovered Finoa Apple's "Paper Bag." This was the song from her second CD that I instantly fell in love with. It was 1999. I was in the middle of my senior year of college and while I was in love with Neil, I was close enough to the times of romantic despair (many involving Neil) and I was still figuring out who I was and what I was about and this song was so smart and... well...artfully expressed, that I was hooked.
"Hunger hurts and I want him so bad, oh it kills, cuz I know I'm a mess he don't want to clean up. I've got to fold cuz these hands are too shaky to hold. Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs too much to love."
So, this morning, on my way to work, I put the CD in my car stereo and cranked the volume and sang Paper Bag, and even though I relate much less to Fiona Apple's particular dilemma at this point in my life than when I first heard the song, it was still awesome. I belted it out in my loudest i'm-alone-in-the-car-and-i-don't-care-how-i-sound voice and it felt great. Once you have been impacted by a song, it's sort of like a gift you get to keep with you for the rest of your life. When I'm 78, I imagine I'll still be able to put Paper Bag in the stereo and sing at top volume. The songs of my life are a part of me and pieced together, I think they might tell an interesting story.
Monday, September 27, 2004
The Joy of Fall and Being a Tourist in Washington
I have been walking around all day feeling very happy. Even thought it is Monday and I had to battle with and almost fire our printer and I am staring down the barrel of an incredibly hectic week, I have been feeling really happy and I think it's because it's fall. There's a crisp chill in the air and some leaves are turning yellow and Halloween and Thanksgiving are approaching and I couldn't be happier.
I love fall. Neil and I got to drink hot chocolate in our living room last night and not feel ridiculous. Had we done this a couple weeks earlier when it was still in the 80s outside, we would have been very silly.
Fall means being able to be cozy in my house while wearing pjs and slippers. Fall means the International Balloon Fiesta (which starts this weekend), and it means that we get to carve pumpkins soon and that I can take walks with co-workers at lunch without boiling alive and melting into the pavement.
D.C. last week didn't feel a bit like fall. It was in the 80's every day. Overall the trip was a success. We met with our legislators; they liked the umbrellas and seemed convinced of the virtues of our industry. I also got to do some touristy things this time, unlike my trip in June. I went to some of the monuments at night -- very cool. Shopped in Georgetown -- nothing amazing. Went out in Adams Morgan -- fun. Got into the Native American Museum which just opened last Tuesday -- incredibly cool. And, visited the panda bears at the National Zoo -- wonderful.
Much of the time I was serving as tour guide for some of the people on the trip. That was frustrating at times, but not terrible.
Observations:
1. Within about a three mile radius of the Capitol Building black suits are required. Some women accessorize said black suits with things like colored shirts or scarves, but even that could be frowned on.
2. The police are fond of shutting down roads willy-nilly. I realize this is probably because of the massive number of important people in Washington D.C. at any given time... but it's ridiculous.
3. Everybody in D.C. is interested in politics, including cab drivers who are too interested and try to shove politics down the throats of innocent passengers.
Could I live in the District sometime? I think I could. I don't know how long I'd last there, but it has a lot to offer and it could be a lot of fun.
I have been walking around all day feeling very happy. Even thought it is Monday and I had to battle with and almost fire our printer and I am staring down the barrel of an incredibly hectic week, I have been feeling really happy and I think it's because it's fall. There's a crisp chill in the air and some leaves are turning yellow and Halloween and Thanksgiving are approaching and I couldn't be happier.
I love fall. Neil and I got to drink hot chocolate in our living room last night and not feel ridiculous. Had we done this a couple weeks earlier when it was still in the 80s outside, we would have been very silly.
Fall means being able to be cozy in my house while wearing pjs and slippers. Fall means the International Balloon Fiesta (which starts this weekend), and it means that we get to carve pumpkins soon and that I can take walks with co-workers at lunch without boiling alive and melting into the pavement.
D.C. last week didn't feel a bit like fall. It was in the 80's every day. Overall the trip was a success. We met with our legislators; they liked the umbrellas and seemed convinced of the virtues of our industry. I also got to do some touristy things this time, unlike my trip in June. I went to some of the monuments at night -- very cool. Shopped in Georgetown -- nothing amazing. Went out in Adams Morgan -- fun. Got into the Native American Museum which just opened last Tuesday -- incredibly cool. And, visited the panda bears at the National Zoo -- wonderful.
Much of the time I was serving as tour guide for some of the people on the trip. That was frustrating at times, but not terrible.
Observations:
1. Within about a three mile radius of the Capitol Building black suits are required. Some women accessorize said black suits with things like colored shirts or scarves, but even that could be frowned on.
2. The police are fond of shutting down roads willy-nilly. I realize this is probably because of the massive number of important people in Washington D.C. at any given time... but it's ridiculous.
3. Everybody in D.C. is interested in politics, including cab drivers who are too interested and try to shove politics down the throats of innocent passengers.
Could I live in the District sometime? I think I could. I don't know how long I'd last there, but it has a lot to offer and it could be a lot of fun.
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