Alone

I have come to believe that most people go through life disguising their aloneness by surrounding themselves with family and friends and so on. However, despite the fact that I have family and friends and Neil, there are moments (like today, for instance) when all of that falls away and I am reminded that I really am alone .

It's hard to say exactly what makes one of these moments occur. Maybe it is in part because I live so far away from most of my friends and because I haven't seen Neil a lot lately and because I've never lived near my extended family and because my little brother is in Italy and my mom is working so much it takes her three days to return my phone calls and when she does she only has three minutes to talk and because my dad is really absorbed with his own crap and maybe not the best-equipped to help me cope with mine...

But anyways, I just realized a few minutes ago, for what was probably the 4 millionth time in my life, that I am really alone. Hopefully the illusion that I am not alone will rebuild itself soon, because this feeling is always terrifying...