Quote of the Day
From Maureen Dowd's New York Times Op-Ed piece:
"President Bush is like one of the blissfully ignorant teenagers in "Friday the 13th'' movies, spouting slogans like "Freedom is on the march'' while Freddy Krueger is in the closet, ready to claw his skin off."
Happy Halloween!
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Alone
I have come to believe that most people go through life disguising their aloneness by surrounding themselves with family and friends and so on. However, despite the fact that I have family and friends and Neil, there are moments (like today, for instance) when all of that falls away and I am reminded that I really am alone .
It's hard to say exactly what makes one of these moments occur. Maybe it is in part because I live so far away from most of my friends and because I haven't seen Neil a lot lately and because I've never lived near my extended family and because my little brother is in Italy and my mom is working so much it takes her three days to return my phone calls and when she does she only has three minutes to talk and because my dad is really absorbed with his own crap and maybe not the best-equipped to help me cope with mine...
But anyways, I just realized a few minutes ago, for what was probably the 4 millionth time in my life, that I am really alone. Hopefully the illusion that I am not alone will rebuild itself soon, because this feeling is always terrifying...
I have come to believe that most people go through life disguising their aloneness by surrounding themselves with family and friends and so on. However, despite the fact that I have family and friends and Neil, there are moments (like today, for instance) when all of that falls away and I am reminded that I really am alone .
It's hard to say exactly what makes one of these moments occur. Maybe it is in part because I live so far away from most of my friends and because I haven't seen Neil a lot lately and because I've never lived near my extended family and because my little brother is in Italy and my mom is working so much it takes her three days to return my phone calls and when she does she only has three minutes to talk and because my dad is really absorbed with his own crap and maybe not the best-equipped to help me cope with mine...
But anyways, I just realized a few minutes ago, for what was probably the 4 millionth time in my life, that I am really alone. Hopefully the illusion that I am not alone will rebuild itself soon, because this feeling is always terrifying...
Monday, October 25, 2004
Hmm...
First of all, I tried to update last week to write about this awesome event I went to with Nancy on Wednesday night called First Fiction 2004. Basically five authors who recently published their first novels came to Albuquerque and read from their books at a bar downtown. It was very very cool and inspiring and it just felt good to be around a bunch of literary people for a bit...It made me long for the long days at Bennington and the faculty and student readings and endless literary discussions over every single meal. I had some more profound things to say about the whole experience last week, but then my entire post was deleted. So for now, that's all I've got.
So, today, I had to look up a teen author who submitted an article to me and then vanished. We want to publish it but need her photo and her address so we can pay her blah blah blah... After exhausting everything else, I decided to Google her and lo and behold, there she was. I found her blog and it had a different e-mail address on it and, gasp, a phone number. So, my problem may be solved. But then I began to wonder how easy it would be to find me. I typed in my first and last name and sure enough, the first link to me came up from a newspaper article about credit unions in which I was quoted but the second was this blog. Now, I thought I had done a good job of hiding the blog, or at least not attaching it to my whole name... apparently not. I got sloppy and put my name on the little copyright line at the bottom of the blog. (I changed it this afternoon to only show my initials, but might be stuck in Google's search engine for a long time to come). It's not like I am publishing nuclear secrets on here or anything, but I also like to maintain some degree of anonymity... so that someone looking me up can't type in my name in Google, stumble upon my blog and learn way more about me than I want them to know. Not sure what to do to resolve this dilemma. Can I contact Google and ask to be removed? When will their little monkeys come across my now name-free page again and update their files? Augh.
Meanwhile, Neil is out of town and has been since Saturday morning. It's lonely without him. I am really looking forward to some quality husband time sometime soon.
And finally a consumer warning, DO NOT sign up for alarm service with Protect America. They are an evil company with many tricks and traps in their contracts and with salesmen who lie to get business. Long long story, but take my word for it.
First of all, I tried to update last week to write about this awesome event I went to with Nancy on Wednesday night called First Fiction 2004. Basically five authors who recently published their first novels came to Albuquerque and read from their books at a bar downtown. It was very very cool and inspiring and it just felt good to be around a bunch of literary people for a bit...It made me long for the long days at Bennington and the faculty and student readings and endless literary discussions over every single meal. I had some more profound things to say about the whole experience last week, but then my entire post was deleted. So for now, that's all I've got.
So, today, I had to look up a teen author who submitted an article to me and then vanished. We want to publish it but need her photo and her address so we can pay her blah blah blah... After exhausting everything else, I decided to Google her and lo and behold, there she was. I found her blog and it had a different e-mail address on it and, gasp, a phone number. So, my problem may be solved. But then I began to wonder how easy it would be to find me. I typed in my first and last name and sure enough, the first link to me came up from a newspaper article about credit unions in which I was quoted but the second was this blog. Now, I thought I had done a good job of hiding the blog, or at least not attaching it to my whole name... apparently not. I got sloppy and put my name on the little copyright line at the bottom of the blog. (I changed it this afternoon to only show my initials, but might be stuck in Google's search engine for a long time to come). It's not like I am publishing nuclear secrets on here or anything, but I also like to maintain some degree of anonymity... so that someone looking me up can't type in my name in Google, stumble upon my blog and learn way more about me than I want them to know. Not sure what to do to resolve this dilemma. Can I contact Google and ask to be removed? When will their little monkeys come across my now name-free page again and update their files? Augh.
Meanwhile, Neil is out of town and has been since Saturday morning. It's lonely without him. I am really looking forward to some quality husband time sometime soon.
And finally a consumer warning, DO NOT sign up for alarm service with Protect America. They are an evil company with many tricks and traps in their contracts and with salesmen who lie to get business. Long long story, but take my word for it.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
The Countdown
Two weeks from right now, polls will be closing on the east coast and people here will be waiting in lines to vote and I imagine the country will be on pins and needles. The "experts" are saying that we may not know who won the presidential election until Nov. 3 or even later. Nov. 3 happens to be my birthday. For my sake and the sake of my country, I really hope the election has been decided by Wednesday morning two weeks from now. If Kerry wins, that will be an extra b-day present for me, but even if Bush wins, having an election that doesn't have to go through litigation and doesn't leave the country even more divided than it already is would be of infinite value to the United States and, I imagine it will make my birthday more pleasant.
However, if we still don't know who the next president will be on my 26th birthday, maybe there will be rioting? Maybe news crews from around the world will be camped outside the Bernalillo County Clerk's office. (The clerk declared last week that the absentee ballots, of which there are expected to be more than 75,000, may not be counted until late Nov. 3rd.)Maybe it will be declared a national holiday because everyone will need to stay home and flip between CNN and MSNBC (and FOX for those conservatives among us) to watch people look at hanging chads or to find out where the missing ballot boxes have gone. I certainly don't wish for any of the aforementioned chaos, however, I believe all of it is entirely possible. Bush and Kerry lawyers could end up brawling outside courthouses and in front of cameras. The candidates could be forced to seek shelter in underground bunkers. We really just have no idea what is in store. The newspapers are saying that polls show a tie and that spells disaster. Maybe we'll split into two nations?
What a headache. I am so glad it's almost over.
Two weeks from right now, polls will be closing on the east coast and people here will be waiting in lines to vote and I imagine the country will be on pins and needles. The "experts" are saying that we may not know who won the presidential election until Nov. 3 or even later. Nov. 3 happens to be my birthday. For my sake and the sake of my country, I really hope the election has been decided by Wednesday morning two weeks from now. If Kerry wins, that will be an extra b-day present for me, but even if Bush wins, having an election that doesn't have to go through litigation and doesn't leave the country even more divided than it already is would be of infinite value to the United States and, I imagine it will make my birthday more pleasant.
However, if we still don't know who the next president will be on my 26th birthday, maybe there will be rioting? Maybe news crews from around the world will be camped outside the Bernalillo County Clerk's office. (The clerk declared last week that the absentee ballots, of which there are expected to be more than 75,000, may not be counted until late Nov. 3rd.)Maybe it will be declared a national holiday because everyone will need to stay home and flip between CNN and MSNBC (and FOX for those conservatives among us) to watch people look at hanging chads or to find out where the missing ballot boxes have gone. I certainly don't wish for any of the aforementioned chaos, however, I believe all of it is entirely possible. Bush and Kerry lawyers could end up brawling outside courthouses and in front of cameras. The candidates could be forced to seek shelter in underground bunkers. We really just have no idea what is in store. The newspapers are saying that polls show a tie and that spells disaster. Maybe we'll split into two nations?
What a headache. I am so glad it's almost over.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Quick Bits
* In China they call the Milky Way the Silver River. I like that...it seems very magical and beautiful. I heard a man being interviewed on the radio about the planets and stars and he said that astronomy terms are always very understandable. Spots on the sun are called sun spots; places in the universe with no light are called black holes etc. He said this makes the science accessible to people in a way other areas of science are not. I thought that was interesting and true. But I still did miserably in my Earth as a Planet class in college.
* I heard this line today from the poet Rainer Maria Rilke: "...be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now."
I am not prepared to intelligently write about the Rilke quote, but to say that I agree with it and it helped me gain a little perspective in the midst of a crazy week.
* We had fun with Neil's dad and sister last weekend. They liked the balloons and we enjoyed them even though we went two weekends in a row. Sunday we rode bikes to the zoo and saw a baby gorilla in a nursery with a diaper and a baby kangaroo in its mom's pouch. Very cool.
* I have been helping coordinate a visit from the U.S. Department of Treasury to one of our credit unions and then to a financial education program we help teach. The visit is tomorrow and I am petrified that it will be turned into a campaign speech for the administration. Why else would they be coming to this swing state at this time? My dad suggests I get up and interrupt if the speech by the Assistant Secretary begins to go awry. However, if I want to keep my job, that may not be a viable option. In the meantime, I am exhausted and behind on other work because I'm helping with all of this crazy Treasury stuff. Tomorrow, I report to work at 6:30 a.m. to drive to Santa Fe for the first event.
* Friday begins weekend 3 with house guests. Neil's mom rescheduled her visit for this coming weekend. Looking forward to seeing her, but if I don't get some down time to recharge soon, I don't know what will happen.
* The last presidential debate begins in a couple hours. I am having political nightmares already. I'm tempted to tune out the debate and watch a movie instead, but I'll probably watch because I want to be able to talk about it tomorrow. It's all so nerve-wracking...
* In China they call the Milky Way the Silver River. I like that...it seems very magical and beautiful. I heard a man being interviewed on the radio about the planets and stars and he said that astronomy terms are always very understandable. Spots on the sun are called sun spots; places in the universe with no light are called black holes etc. He said this makes the science accessible to people in a way other areas of science are not. I thought that was interesting and true. But I still did miserably in my Earth as a Planet class in college.
* I heard this line today from the poet Rainer Maria Rilke: "...be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now."
I am not prepared to intelligently write about the Rilke quote, but to say that I agree with it and it helped me gain a little perspective in the midst of a crazy week.
* We had fun with Neil's dad and sister last weekend. They liked the balloons and we enjoyed them even though we went two weekends in a row. Sunday we rode bikes to the zoo and saw a baby gorilla in a nursery with a diaper and a baby kangaroo in its mom's pouch. Very cool.
* I have been helping coordinate a visit from the U.S. Department of Treasury to one of our credit unions and then to a financial education program we help teach. The visit is tomorrow and I am petrified that it will be turned into a campaign speech for the administration. Why else would they be coming to this swing state at this time? My dad suggests I get up and interrupt if the speech by the Assistant Secretary begins to go awry. However, if I want to keep my job, that may not be a viable option. In the meantime, I am exhausted and behind on other work because I'm helping with all of this crazy Treasury stuff. Tomorrow, I report to work at 6:30 a.m. to drive to Santa Fe for the first event.
* Friday begins weekend 3 with house guests. Neil's mom rescheduled her visit for this coming weekend. Looking forward to seeing her, but if I don't get some down time to recharge soon, I don't know what will happen.
* The last presidential debate begins in a couple hours. I am having political nightmares already. I'm tempted to tune out the debate and watch a movie instead, but I'll probably watch because I want to be able to talk about it tomorrow. It's all so nerve-wracking...
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Ahhhhh...
Perhaps the best thing about living where I do is that for a week in October, weather permitting, I get to drive to work every day and look up at the sky to see hundreds of hot air balloons. Despite the simplicity of it, there's really nothing like a sky full of brightly colored balloons.
This morning was a great one. I got to look at balloons the entire way to work... I probably risked crashing several times, but I managed to arrive at work unscathed and now, I am watching balloons float by my window. At any one time between 30 and 50 balloons are framed by the wall of windows in my office. A few minutes ago a big Yellow and red balloon landed in the field across from our office and we got to watch the chase crew arrive and help the pilots fold the giant balloon and pack it into a trailer on their SUV. Of course, not much work has been accomplished thus far, but soon, the air will get too warm, all the balloons will come down and it will be as if it were another normal day. I am just grateful for the momentary joy these balloons have brought me on an otherwise normal Wednesday.
My family has told me that in the fall of 1996, when my grandpa was being rushed in an ambulance to the heart hospital a few days before he died, the balloons were in the sky and he had a great time watching them out the back window of his ambulance. I like to think about that at this time of year when I miss him the most. And now that I live here and can witness this extraordinary event every fall, I always do it with my grandpa in mind. I'm watching the balloons for him too.
Perhaps the best thing about living where I do is that for a week in October, weather permitting, I get to drive to work every day and look up at the sky to see hundreds of hot air balloons. Despite the simplicity of it, there's really nothing like a sky full of brightly colored balloons.
This morning was a great one. I got to look at balloons the entire way to work... I probably risked crashing several times, but I managed to arrive at work unscathed and now, I am watching balloons float by my window. At any one time between 30 and 50 balloons are framed by the wall of windows in my office. A few minutes ago a big Yellow and red balloon landed in the field across from our office and we got to watch the chase crew arrive and help the pilots fold the giant balloon and pack it into a trailer on their SUV. Of course, not much work has been accomplished thus far, but soon, the air will get too warm, all the balloons will come down and it will be as if it were another normal day. I am just grateful for the momentary joy these balloons have brought me on an otherwise normal Wednesday.
My family has told me that in the fall of 1996, when my grandpa was being rushed in an ambulance to the heart hospital a few days before he died, the balloons were in the sky and he had a great time watching them out the back window of his ambulance. I like to think about that at this time of year when I miss him the most. And now that I live here and can witness this extraordinary event every fall, I always do it with my grandpa in mind. I'm watching the balloons for him too.
Monday, October 04, 2004
Balloons
This weekend began the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta and Neil, Scott and I were on Balloon Fiesta Field at 6:15 Saturday morning to see the more than 700 balloons take flight. It was perfect weather and the balloons were awesome. Scott was visiting from Chicago which was fun. We hadn't seen him since Jenn's wedding in Iowa and then we only got to see him a little.
So the weekend was nice, but I'm exhausted. We had a dinner party Friday night in Scott's honor... or something like that... and there were about 14 people over. Our dogs didn't know what to do with themselves. At first they were barking at everyone they saw, but then they started to enjoy all the attention. It was a good experiment in dog socialization... and it was nice to get friends together and laugh.
I am happy that John Kerry won the debate (and he so clearly did). I'm glad he went up in the polls and I hope this trend continues until Election Day.
It is less than a month until we know who will run the country for the next four years. AND it's less than a month until my birthday! Both, very important events...
More house guests arrive Thursday and we do another round of Balloon Fiesta. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also looking forward to getting some sleep in between now and then.
This weekend began the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta and Neil, Scott and I were on Balloon Fiesta Field at 6:15 Saturday morning to see the more than 700 balloons take flight. It was perfect weather and the balloons were awesome. Scott was visiting from Chicago which was fun. We hadn't seen him since Jenn's wedding in Iowa and then we only got to see him a little.
So the weekend was nice, but I'm exhausted. We had a dinner party Friday night in Scott's honor... or something like that... and there were about 14 people over. Our dogs didn't know what to do with themselves. At first they were barking at everyone they saw, but then they started to enjoy all the attention. It was a good experiment in dog socialization... and it was nice to get friends together and laugh.
I am happy that John Kerry won the debate (and he so clearly did). I'm glad he went up in the polls and I hope this trend continues until Election Day.
It is less than a month until we know who will run the country for the next four years. AND it's less than a month until my birthday! Both, very important events...
More house guests arrive Thursday and we do another round of Balloon Fiesta. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also looking forward to getting some sleep in between now and then.
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