Bummer

Today is kind of a bummer. For starters it's rainy and dreary outside and that's often enough to make me feel bummed. But then there's the news today: a shooting in a postal facility in CA in which 7 people died, the death of Coretta Scott King and now this: Senate Confirms Alito to the Supreme Court which is not at all unexpected, but still a big bummer. Still the kind of thing that makes my heart sink.

Neil has a pass to watch the State of the Union in person tonight... which is really cool, regardless of who the president is, but I don't think I could attend even if I had the chance. Last year, even though I was alone on my couch, I remember swearing at my tv and being incredibly angry the entire time. I think I even switched away from the speech for a big portion in the middle because I found watching it so maddening.

In other news, I think I have mentioned here before the fact that about 10 years ago, a former version of myself volunteered to plan the 10 year high school reunion for my class. And here we are, 10 years later and I am trying to get things going with the planning. The first step has been tracking people down that I've been out of touch with. With the help of Julia (the other class agent who foolishly volunteered 10 years ago) I am nearly finished with the tracking down. It's been really cool to reconnect with people and find out what everyone is doing. People are getting married, have babies etc. This process has also been a little sad because it's made me miss Carl, my freshman year boyfriend who died of brain cancer when we were seniors in college. And in a more abstract sense, it has made me miss myself. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I miss feeling invincible, I miss the heady friendships and the late nights and the crushes that were all-consuming and so incredibly important.

To add to all the nostalgia, I also happen to be reading Prep by Curtis Steinfeld at the moment. Britten recommended it to me a while ago and I suppose the timing could not be more perfect. The book is all about high school and while I did not attend boarding school, I did attend a prep school and some of the things in the book are so dead on with my experience that it's spooky.

I am sure there is more to say on this topic. Why do we make such a big deal in our society about events as they grow distant from us in ten year increments? Is it to remind us of who we were and where we came from, or simply to make us feel old and less accomplished than we'd hoped to be? Is it about reconnecting? And once we all reconnect, will we stay in contact or just wait until someone (probably me) sends out an e-mail in another 10 years and we start over again? Since when did I become so cynical?

I Just Heard...

Meet the Press is on in the background as I do my ritual Sunday morning e-mail check and someone being interviewed about the possible filibuster to block the Alito nomination just said, "Well, John Kerry can never afford to be nuanced again..." Which made me think about how much I love language and intelligence in combination... I would never have thought to say "John Kerry can't be a flip-flopper ever again if he wants to have a political career" quite like that. Not to mention the fact that I agree with the sentiment... wish I knew who said it.

Also on Meet the Press, they just showed polls that said the majority (53%) of those surveyed don't care if the government taps their phone calls!!!!! Who are these people? Why are they so eager to just give away their rights?

In other news, Andy is coming to town this afternoon...and I haven't seen him since I graduated THREE years ago... so I'm very excited.

It's rainy and dreary today... I'll survive, but it's days like this that make me miss the southwest.

Things I Love

1) Old friends
2) The cold air that rushes into my face and blows my hair back behind my head as a metro approaches in DC's metro tunnels.
3) Meeting new people
4)Discovering common ground
5)Reconnecting
6)Receiving news from afar
7)A really good political discussion or debate
8)The feeling of missing characters from a novel once I've finished reading it
9)The surprising way an unexpected apology, for a crime long ago forgiven but not forgotten, can fill me up and make me feel more complete than before.
10)Honesty
11)The affection of animals
12)The sense of accomplishment that comes from a well-written sentence
13)Family
14)The disorienting feeling of being in a foreign country
15)The ambiguity of borders
16)People who understand me better than I understand myself
17)Physical accomplishments and exhaustion
18)Full days
19)Fresh raspberries
20)Hot, milky coffee
21)Unexpected phone calls
22)Shared memories
23)Good comedy
24)Music that makes the bottom of my stomach drop out in that good way that makes me gasp for breath
25)Warm slippers
26)The feeling of sun on my closed eyelids
27)Seeing the talents of my friends and family
28)Travel
29)Pop culture
30)Internationalism
31)Information
32)Knowing the most current celebrity gossip
33)Making other people feel good
34)Passion
35)Sleeping in later than I should
36)Long hugs from people I admire
37)Looking in the eyes of someone who loves me as they look in mine
38)Owning current gadgets
39)Not owning a car
40)reminiscing
41)Knowing myself better each day
42)My cell phone
43)Spirituality
44)The aspens when they change colors in the Santa Fe Mountains each fall
45)Green chile
46)Franklin Mountain State Park
47)My iPod Nano
48)Unopened e-mail
49)Scrabble
50)Thinking about things I love...

My Worst Nightmare

There are few things that make my blood boil more than people who are pro-life. This does not meant that I don't count some pro-life people among my friends, but it does mean that we do not discuss the abortion debate when we're together. It is one of those things that I will never change my mind about. I believe that all women should have the power to choose what they do with their bodies. It's that simple. I believe this strongly and passionately. This does not mean that I cheer every abortion performed. I don't. But I want to know that I can have an abortion if that's something I feel I need to do for whatever reason. I want to know that every woman in America has the power of self determination. This is a free society, or at least it is supposed to be. Women should not become second-class citizens.

So yesterday on my way to work, I had to wade through streams of pro-life demonstrators as they flooded off the metro. There were probably thousands in sum and I came into contact with hundreds. They were perky little girls with hoodies that said things like "Abortion is America's Hidden Holocaust" on them. They were middle aged men, they were mothers and sisters and brothers. They looked really normal if you could ignore their "End Roe" signs. But as I walked past them, bumping into them, being shoved by their sheer numbers, I felt panic. All of these people want to take away my rights. They believe in what they believe for their own good reasons, but most likely they don't realize the consequences of what they're attempting to do. Back alley abortions, unwanted children, the marginalization of women... the list goes on. I wanted to go home and put on my walking shoes and hold my own demonstration... I know some pro-choice people did just that. But instead, I went to work, leaving it up to other people to decide on this issue that I care so much about. My own inaction was really my worst nightmare.

Odds and Ends

It's been a while. Not because I haven't had things to blog about... but because there's never a good time to do it. Lots of things have been happening this month.. below a few of the highlights.

1) Recently, Neil and I were walking home one evening when we saw and heard a street musician. He was a white man with a brownish grey beard and was probably between 45 and 60 and he was playing a guitar hooked up to an amp. As we approached we realized he was singing Johnny Be Good. (Note; I love street musicians. In college, I did my final photography project on street musicians. I spent weeks roaming around the city taking pictures of musicians wherever I could find them and dropping money in their buckets or violin cases. As a result of my affection for street musicians, I usually smile and have generally warm happy feelings when I see a street musician.) The man looked very dirty and worse for the wear, but I was still excited as we walked by him. The lyrics we heard are a follows: "He never ever could really read or write/But he'll fuck you in the ass..."
Neil and I were both completely shocked. I did a double take and then walked as quickly as possible away from Mr. Skeezy Street Musician. As soon as we were about ten paces away, we started laughing uncontrollably.
(my apologies for the swearing, but it was central to the story.)

2) Not too long ago I ran into a friend from elementary school on the street in DC. We exchanged phone numbers and that was that. Tonight, I went to dinner with Kate. She called and invited me out and her other friend from high school who I also know (or knew) was in town. To top it off, Kate has a friend from law school who went to Northwestern with me and while we didn't know each other, we had tons of friends in common etc. So the evening was spent reminiscing about high school, elementary school and college intermittently. It was great and while I had been apprehensive about having dinner with people I hadn't spoken to in ten years or more, I really enjoyed myself and relished the opportunity to reconnect.

3) I think I am becoming more Jewish. I know that sounds strange... but here goes. I work for a Jewish nonprofit. While it isn't anything I ever pictured myself doing, I have really been enjoying it and from the minute I had my interview, I knew it would be a good place to work. However, when I accepted the job, I told myself that I wasn't going to let myself get sucked in. I would not attend services and I would not feel obligated to become more observant than I want to be. (basically, I am not a religious person.) However, being here and working in a Jewish office, I have really begun to appreciate some things about my religion. My favorite friend from work is Orthodox and incredibly observant and at first I couldn't even wrap my mind around that. I did not understand how someone I have so much in common with could be so incredibly religious when I viewed that kind of extreme observance as oppressive. But I am starting to understand it. There is something so incredible about the community... about having Jewish community around you, about celebrating things with your friends and family etc. Today, I had lunch with my new friends after they went to services and it was great. We basically just hung out all afternoon talking and eating and enjoying each other's company and because it was Shabbat, there were no distractions. Nobody had anything better to do than to sit around in that apartment and talk. I am not going to become orthodox, I probably won't even begin attending services regularly, but it is really nice to understand, at last, a little bit more about Judaism and community and what religion can be that is positive...

Loss

I found out this morning that my friend, ballet teacher, piano teacher, mentor and a source of considerable inspiration died on Christmas Eve. He definitely has one of the best obituaries ever. Something tells me he either wrote it or gave specific instructions about what it contains. The world is just a little bit worse now that Zsolt no longer lives in it. But, he made a lot of peoples' lives a lot better for having lived.

Zsolt, I will miss you...

ZSOLT of Santa Fe died Dec. 24, 2005, after a long illness. He was a lifelong humanitarian, a monkish poet and good friend. A citizen of the world, he grew up in Boulder, Colo.; London; and Quito, Ecuador, and resided in Boston, Paris, San Francisco and Bern, Switzerland -- making Santa Fe his primary residence for the past 21 years. He is survived by his parents, Barbara and Alan Robb; recent housemates, Michael and Galen; and many other people of all ages who befriended and adopted Zsolt into their families. In lieu of sending flowers, take a few moments to read a passage from the Bhagavad Gita, the Tao Te Ching, or listen to Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. A celebration of life is tentatively planned for Jan. 8, 2006.

Brand New

It's a brand new year. 2006 seems like a good number to me. I like the way it looks. I like that it's an even number... there just seems to be something friendly about it, something appealing. Anyways, so far, this year is going well.

It started off in a somewhat drunken stupor, as all new years should. This year, Rachel and Brian were in town and we went to a party at one of Rachel's Dartmouth friends' houses. Neil and I actually knew Johnny from a few winters back when he lived in Santa Fe and interned at a magazine, so it wasn't completely weird -- we weren't surrounded by strangers. Anyways, we had a great evening of laughing, talking, standing by the fire and just enjoying the last hours of 2005. Sometime after 3 a.m. and shortly after I noticed daylight in the backyard through a window in Johnny's house (the fire got a little out of hand), we headed back to our apartment where the four of us ate french toast and went to sleep at 4. I cannot remember the last time I went to bed that late and it felt great.

The next morning, we met a group of people from the party at our favorite breakfast place, The Waffle Shop. The Waffle Shop is the kind of establishment that was built at least 50 years ago and when it was new, I am positive it was a shining beacon of modernism in the heart of the city, but hasn't been REALLY cleaned since opening day. I am not saying it's a dirty restaurant...the food is cooked in a clean environment, but the diner itself has not really been kept up. No changes have been made, no improvements, no deep cleaning. The food, however, is amazing. I believe they make the best waffles I have ever had. So, 2006 began with good company and an amazing waffle.

After brunch, we went for a walk on the National Mall and the weather was amazing. Neil even wore short sleeves. The walk was followed by a satisfyingly long nap and later I watched a cheesy movie. It was a great way to spend the first day of a new year. Here's hoping 2006 is as good as I think it will be.