Frenetic

Have you ever had one of those days/weeks/months where you can't slow your heart rate or make your mind go quiet regardless of where you are or what you're doing? You know, you're in a meeting and you can't stop running the To Do list through your mind long enough to pay attention to what's being said. You're stuck in traffic and instead of being glad for the small break in your day, you come close to hyperventilation...This is what has been happening to me lately.

Last weekend was Josh and Katie's wedding in Breckenridge, CO. Neil and I drove with my mom and dad in what was the first family road trip in years. It was surprising and comforting how easily we fell back into our old road trip rhythms. My parents, perfectly in-synch with each other about roadside stops and souvenir shopping expeditions. We made a wrong turn on the way there, but it didn't even matter that much because we got to go over a beautiful pass and see the Continental Divide (twice) and spend a little more time together. Neil fit in seamlessly and, while we missed having my little brother along for the ride, it was really a lot of fun. The wedding itself was really nice too. I have no idea why I cry at weddings, or why anyone else does for that matter. I never cried at a wedding before my own. But on Sept. 1, 2002, I sobbed during my ceremony. They were totally tears of happiness, but remain mystifying to me. In any case, Josh and Katie got me crying too. It is always amazing to celebrate the marriage of an old friend to someone who is absolutely perfect for them and who you can now consider a new friend.

Since we've been back from the wedding, things could not be crazier. Work is completely overwhelming because I am trying to do too many things at once and want to accomplish so much before I leave. Home is overwhelming because when I get here in the evening I don't know if I should be applying for jobs, packing, collecting things to sell at the garage sale or trying to take care of myself. I have about 15 phone calls to return, a bunch of wedding and birthday presents to purchase and mail, at least 12 random errands to run and so many things I want to do. But, I've got two more days of work and then we fly to El Paso on Friday. We return Sunday afternoon giving me a little bit of time to spend with my brother and pack again for my week-long trip to Austin for work. I am sure there are other stresses I am not even mentioning as well...

Today after work I got a short respite from the insanity when I got in my car and turned the music up so loud I couldn't hear myself thinking and I finally forgot to think. Instead, I started to feel like anything is possible, like there is a whole big world waiting to open up in front of me, like I only need to clear a few more hurdles and things will start making sense again...and for now, I just need to cling to this hope.

An aside: In other news, I applied for my favorite job yet this week. cross your fingers for me...