Goodbye 2004
Here we are.. another New Year's Eve. It doesn't feel like too long ago that I was reflecting on 2003. I have gotten to that point in my life where years are no longer a long, interminable series of seasons. In fact, they are now going by so quickly that they're running together. What happened this year?
We rang in the year with friends at our house and plentiful champagne. Neil learned how to do "the butt" that night under the expert tutelage of Topher and Chris. (O.K. that does seem like a long time ago.)
We visited Dustin in Chico and played lots of disc golf. We threw a party for my mom's 50th birthday. We adopted our dogs. Barbie got lost and found. Rachel and Brian got married. Jenn and Bill got married. Neil and I both turned 26. We went to Portland. Howard Dean screamed. I went to D.C. twice and Neil traveled to both political conventions. I won some awards at work. I got a laptop and an iPod. :) Dustin went to Italy. My family fell apart and began to be rebuilt.
I'm sure there's more...Janet Jackson had a wardrobe malfunction, the Red Sox won the World Series, people rioted at a Piston's and Pacer's game, Bush won the White House, Martha went to prison, Scott Peterson was convicted...More than 150,000 people died in the tsunamis.
Overall, I liked 2004. It was a year of great personal growth and some hardship, but -- as usual -- I am better for it.
In 2005, I hope to be stronger in all ways. I hope to be less prone to procrastination and less likely to give in to temptation.
Tonight we're headed out with Chris and Sarah for the 2nd annual Thai food dinner. Later, we're going to a wine bar with our new friends Brian and Kelly. And tomorrow, the slate will be blank again and the world will have another chance for a fresh start. I will definitely be taking advantage of that chance.
Happy 2005!
Friday, December 31, 2004
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Tsunami
Last night at the gym I decided to watch the news instead of listening to my iPod and after only about two minutes, I found myself crying on the Precor. My thighs were burning in that pleasant way lets me know I am using my muscles, I was already slightly out of breath and then suddenly, I was crying. I don't know what triggered the tears, but somewhere between seeing tiny little dead bodies of children and sobbing, screaming parents, I lost it.
The thing about these giant killer waves is that we can't blame humans for them. They just happened. And because of where they were vacationing or where they lived, more than 80,000 people died in a few instants.
And then here I am in the desert southwest. I get to go meet friends for lunch and watch TV and go to the gym and walk my dogs like nothing is wrong. And nothing is... here. But why am I so privileged? A week ago, I would have been jealous of those tourists who were vacationing on the beach in far away places that I've always wanted to visit.
Entire countries have been nearly wiped out, swallowed up by the sea. And I want to help. I don't want to send money...mostly because I don't have it. I want to go in person and help with my own two hands... not sure how practical that is or what I would really have to offer, but when I see those pictures on TV, I just want to pitch in.
I am reminded of September 11th. Even though it was completely different circumstances and it was on a much smaller scale, I remember the waiting. I remember the pictures of the missing that were on every wall and fence and lamp post in New York City and I remember the hoping that the death count would be reduced, that people would be found alive.
That little Swedish boy who was found in the jungle in Thailand completely broke my heart. It is amazing that he was found and rescued and reunited by family, but his mom is still missing. Today he was reunited with his dad who said of the boy's rescuer: "She has saved his life, but also my soul because I couldn't survive if I lost them both."
It's little stories like these that trickle out of the disaster zones that make it all seem more real and more devastating. Of course, the media is doing an excellent job tugging at our hearts -- but even with all of the pictures they have been showing, I still can't make it seem real. I can't imagine those waves and the power and force they must have had. How did water kill all those people. Water, one of the most essential ingredients for human life...
It is all so tragic and baffling and perhaps most of all, it is humbling. We think that we control the world...humans. We fight wars and launch attacks. We build things and destroy things. We cultivate plants in our attempt to control nature. We study the earth and weather patterns. We modify DNA and practice selective breeding. It is easy to see why we are all fooled into thinking we're in charge. But really, we have no say when it comes to the big stuff. Nobody knew that earthquake was coming with it's minion waves. And even if someone did know, there was nothing we could do to stop it. (although warning the people lying on the beach would have been nice...)
Last night at the gym I decided to watch the news instead of listening to my iPod and after only about two minutes, I found myself crying on the Precor. My thighs were burning in that pleasant way lets me know I am using my muscles, I was already slightly out of breath and then suddenly, I was crying. I don't know what triggered the tears, but somewhere between seeing tiny little dead bodies of children and sobbing, screaming parents, I lost it.
The thing about these giant killer waves is that we can't blame humans for them. They just happened. And because of where they were vacationing or where they lived, more than 80,000 people died in a few instants.
And then here I am in the desert southwest. I get to go meet friends for lunch and watch TV and go to the gym and walk my dogs like nothing is wrong. And nothing is... here. But why am I so privileged? A week ago, I would have been jealous of those tourists who were vacationing on the beach in far away places that I've always wanted to visit.
Entire countries have been nearly wiped out, swallowed up by the sea. And I want to help. I don't want to send money...mostly because I don't have it. I want to go in person and help with my own two hands... not sure how practical that is or what I would really have to offer, but when I see those pictures on TV, I just want to pitch in.
I am reminded of September 11th. Even though it was completely different circumstances and it was on a much smaller scale, I remember the waiting. I remember the pictures of the missing that were on every wall and fence and lamp post in New York City and I remember the hoping that the death count would be reduced, that people would be found alive.
That little Swedish boy who was found in the jungle in Thailand completely broke my heart. It is amazing that he was found and rescued and reunited by family, but his mom is still missing. Today he was reunited with his dad who said of the boy's rescuer: "She has saved his life, but also my soul because I couldn't survive if I lost them both."
It's little stories like these that trickle out of the disaster zones that make it all seem more real and more devastating. Of course, the media is doing an excellent job tugging at our hearts -- but even with all of the pictures they have been showing, I still can't make it seem real. I can't imagine those waves and the power and force they must have had. How did water kill all those people. Water, one of the most essential ingredients for human life...
It is all so tragic and baffling and perhaps most of all, it is humbling. We think that we control the world...humans. We fight wars and launch attacks. We build things and destroy things. We cultivate plants in our attempt to control nature. We study the earth and weather patterns. We modify DNA and practice selective breeding. It is easy to see why we are all fooled into thinking we're in charge. But really, we have no say when it comes to the big stuff. Nobody knew that earthquake was coming with it's minion waves. And even if someone did know, there was nothing we could do to stop it. (although warning the people lying on the beach would have been nice...)
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Blog? What Blog?
So, for the last couple of weeks, I have been a very bad blogger. Basically, whenever I might have been blogging I was in the kitchen at work eating holiday sweets. That, or I was out socializing at holiday parties. I am slowly coming out of the sugar coma today (although I'm currently eating an orange chocolate cookie... don't want to go into withdrawal).
But seriously, I was swept away by the "season". Christmas was a little different this year. (Yes, I am Jewish, but we still have our holiday traditions... ) My dad is in Italy with my brother, so they were both conspicuously missing. I didn't see quite as many old friends as I am accustomed to seeing. It was absolutely freezing (below zero with the wind) and that made the annual Christmas Eve walk a little less enjoyable. But, the friends I did see were great and it felt good, as always, to be with them and laugh with them and remember old times and catch up on their lives. I also enjoyed time relaxing with my mom and Neil and my grandma and making an 8-hour fire in my parents' fireplace was a highlight...
Now I am back at work. No plans for New Years except watching some movies with Neil.
Advice: Avoid "The Life Aquatic". Maybe rent it on video if you're a big Bill Murray fan, but otherwise, I recommend seeing anything else.
So, for the last couple of weeks, I have been a very bad blogger. Basically, whenever I might have been blogging I was in the kitchen at work eating holiday sweets. That, or I was out socializing at holiday parties. I am slowly coming out of the sugar coma today (although I'm currently eating an orange chocolate cookie... don't want to go into withdrawal).
But seriously, I was swept away by the "season". Christmas was a little different this year. (Yes, I am Jewish, but we still have our holiday traditions... ) My dad is in Italy with my brother, so they were both conspicuously missing. I didn't see quite as many old friends as I am accustomed to seeing. It was absolutely freezing (below zero with the wind) and that made the annual Christmas Eve walk a little less enjoyable. But, the friends I did see were great and it felt good, as always, to be with them and laugh with them and remember old times and catch up on their lives. I also enjoyed time relaxing with my mom and Neil and my grandma and making an 8-hour fire in my parents' fireplace was a highlight...
Now I am back at work. No plans for New Years except watching some movies with Neil.
Advice: Avoid "The Life Aquatic". Maybe rent it on video if you're a big Bill Murray fan, but otherwise, I recommend seeing anything else.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Nothing Else Like It
To counter last week's post about how materialistic I am, I would like to say that there is little else in the world that feels better than helping other people. I have always known this, but sometimes it is good to be reminded of it.
Neil has a co-worker whose family just moved here and soon after the move, his wife had a massive medical emergency while on the way to visit her terminally ill father. She had to have major surgery and her husband had to take off work to help her. In the meantime the woman's father died. All of the combined expenses made it so that the family couldn't afford Christmas and they have four children! So, Neil, being the big-hearted person that he is, asked his co-worker to write out a list of gifts the kids wanted for Christmas. He did and we're going to help them celebrate Christmas.
This morning I sent an e-mail to my own co-workers about the situation and what we're trying to do and already four people have offered to help us. People's generosity is always so astounding. And it just feels really good to be doing something that will hopefully make a big difference to a family.
If everyone helped one friend or acquaintance once in a while, so many more people would have what they need. It will be a couple hundred dollars to us, but it means Christmas for the family and it feels really good to be able to help out.
To counter last week's post about how materialistic I am, I would like to say that there is little else in the world that feels better than helping other people. I have always known this, but sometimes it is good to be reminded of it.
Neil has a co-worker whose family just moved here and soon after the move, his wife had a massive medical emergency while on the way to visit her terminally ill father. She had to have major surgery and her husband had to take off work to help her. In the meantime the woman's father died. All of the combined expenses made it so that the family couldn't afford Christmas and they have four children! So, Neil, being the big-hearted person that he is, asked his co-worker to write out a list of gifts the kids wanted for Christmas. He did and we're going to help them celebrate Christmas.
This morning I sent an e-mail to my own co-workers about the situation and what we're trying to do and already four people have offered to help us. People's generosity is always so astounding. And it just feels really good to be doing something that will hopefully make a big difference to a family.
If everyone helped one friend or acquaintance once in a while, so many more people would have what they need. It will be a couple hundred dollars to us, but it means Christmas for the family and it feels really good to be able to help out.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
You Must Change Your Life
What is it about the poet Rainer Maria Rilke that keeps captivating me recently? I keep stumbling across random lines of his poetry without their context and finding myself being moved by them. Really moved. For the last 24 hours, this last line of "Archaic Torso of Apollo" has been echoing in my head. I have actually read this poem before, but I was reminded of it yesterday while reading an essay be a fellow Bennington alum. (A very good essay, I might add.)
I don't think that my life needs a complete makeover, but I do think that it always needs to be changing. I should always strive to become a better version of myself, to be more complete, to be happier, to contribute more.
I must change my life.
Here's the poem:
Archaic Torso of Apollo
We do not know his unheard of head,
in which the seeing of his eyes ripened. But
his trunk still glows like a thousand candles,
in which his looking, only turned down slightly,
continues to shine. Otherwise the thrust of the
breast wouldn't blind you, and from the light twist
of the loins a smile wouldn't flow into
that center where the generative power thrived.
Otherwise this stone would stand half disfigured
under the transparent fall of the shoulders,
and wouldn't shimmer like the skin of a wild animal;
it wouldn't be breaking out, like a star, on
all its sides: for there is no place on this stone,
that does not see you. You must change your life.
What is it about the poet Rainer Maria Rilke that keeps captivating me recently? I keep stumbling across random lines of his poetry without their context and finding myself being moved by them. Really moved. For the last 24 hours, this last line of "Archaic Torso of Apollo" has been echoing in my head. I have actually read this poem before, but I was reminded of it yesterday while reading an essay be a fellow Bennington alum. (A very good essay, I might add.)
I don't think that my life needs a complete makeover, but I do think that it always needs to be changing. I should always strive to become a better version of myself, to be more complete, to be happier, to contribute more.
I must change my life.
Here's the poem:
Archaic Torso of Apollo
We do not know his unheard of head,
in which the seeing of his eyes ripened. But
his trunk still glows like a thousand candles,
in which his looking, only turned down slightly,
continues to shine. Otherwise the thrust of the
breast wouldn't blind you, and from the light twist
of the loins a smile wouldn't flow into
that center where the generative power thrived.
Otherwise this stone would stand half disfigured
under the transparent fall of the shoulders,
and wouldn't shimmer like the skin of a wild animal;
it wouldn't be breaking out, like a star, on
all its sides: for there is no place on this stone,
that does not see you. You must change your life.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Dick Clark
I almost forgot. I saw on the front page of today's paper that the worst has happened...Dick Clark had a stroke and had to ask Regis Philbin to fill in on "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve 2005."
I have always said that things are right in the world because I can count on seeing Dick on TV each New Years Eve. He has literally been on TV for New Years my entire life.
This is either a really bad sign, or a good one... or maybe it isn't a sign at all, but I still think it's sad. I don't like it when traditions end.
I almost forgot. I saw on the front page of today's paper that the worst has happened...Dick Clark had a stroke and had to ask Regis Philbin to fill in on "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve 2005."
I have always said that things are right in the world because I can count on seeing Dick on TV each New Years Eve. He has literally been on TV for New Years my entire life.
This is either a really bad sign, or a good one... or maybe it isn't a sign at all, but I still think it's sad. I don't like it when traditions end.
Introspection
After staying home all day yesterday nursing a horrible headache (which felt like a little man was in my head trying to poke my eyes out from the back) I went back to work today.
It's always when I am not feeling quite myself that I become the most introspective. Not sure why this is... maybe because I have too much time to think when I am hiding my head under the covers to avoid the light and subsequent pain caused by it?
In any case, yesterday I was thinking about high school. Specifically, I was thinking about how I used to be kind of a bad ass. Maybe not everyone I knew at the time saw me that way, but that was how I saw myself. I was just the right mix of goody goody high school student and the skanky cigarette smoker you might find in the high school bathroom.
I liked boys who wore leather and had piercings and I preferred that these boys have bleached blonde hair. They needed to ride a skateboard, motorcycle or drive their car excessively fast. Most of these boys were smart, but just didn't act smart all the time. (A tricky distinction.)
I liked to leave my house and go hang out at places that felt dangerous. I probably didn't think of it that way at the time, but we had parties in the woods and parties at places where nobody over the age of 16 and a half was home. Then we all drove home in the middle of the night. I liked to go to concerts at this alternative performance space. To get in you had to walk through a fog of pot smoke and cigarettes. I liked it that I knew people at places like that. I had a boyfriend who used to sneak in my window at night. And even thought I didn’t like cigarettes, I liked it that I knew how to smoke them and I liked to show off my skills at parties.
I really liked breaking the rules and getting away with it. (But not rules that would hurt other people.)Perhaps it was that whole "invincible youth" thing I was feeling. I thought less about consequences and more about the moment. I wanted to have adventures, to feel music, to be free, to be loved, to always be with my friends.
Things are different now. It has been about nine years since I was suffering from senioritis and while I am still me, I am a lot different.
I am a tamer version of my former self. I think I am still striving for the same things, to have adventures, to feel music, to be free, to be loved, to always be with my friends. But I am not wild anymore and I'm wondering; was that slightly crazy girl in high school the imposter? Or am I?
Did I sell out because I got married and moved to a neighborhood with matching houses? Or because I took a job that's good -- but not my dream job. Or because I don't like to go out drinking and can't stand to be around smoke? I can't remember the last time I broke a rule or law (unless you count speeding, but I got caught and had to go to driving school). But maybe the biggest change is that I don't crave the danger that I used to -- at least not on that uncontrollable visceral level. Sometimes I think it would be fun, to go back out to the edge and feel that kind of alive that I used to feel, but I can always reason myself out of this.
What I really think is that this means I am older. I am not that bad ass anymore, but I'm sure it's still in me. Maybe you can only feel that intoxicated with your own youth for a short time -- there is a window of time during which you can take advantage of it. If that is the case, I am grateful that I saw the opening and seized it. Sure, I did some stupid things, we all did, but I lived to tell about it and I have those experiences to keep. Now, I get to discover new and better ways to be alive.
After staying home all day yesterday nursing a horrible headache (which felt like a little man was in my head trying to poke my eyes out from the back) I went back to work today.
It's always when I am not feeling quite myself that I become the most introspective. Not sure why this is... maybe because I have too much time to think when I am hiding my head under the covers to avoid the light and subsequent pain caused by it?
In any case, yesterday I was thinking about high school. Specifically, I was thinking about how I used to be kind of a bad ass. Maybe not everyone I knew at the time saw me that way, but that was how I saw myself. I was just the right mix of goody goody high school student and the skanky cigarette smoker you might find in the high school bathroom.
I liked boys who wore leather and had piercings and I preferred that these boys have bleached blonde hair. They needed to ride a skateboard, motorcycle or drive their car excessively fast. Most of these boys were smart, but just didn't act smart all the time. (A tricky distinction.)
I liked to leave my house and go hang out at places that felt dangerous. I probably didn't think of it that way at the time, but we had parties in the woods and parties at places where nobody over the age of 16 and a half was home. Then we all drove home in the middle of the night. I liked to go to concerts at this alternative performance space. To get in you had to walk through a fog of pot smoke and cigarettes. I liked it that I knew people at places like that. I had a boyfriend who used to sneak in my window at night. And even thought I didn’t like cigarettes, I liked it that I knew how to smoke them and I liked to show off my skills at parties.
I really liked breaking the rules and getting away with it. (But not rules that would hurt other people.)Perhaps it was that whole "invincible youth" thing I was feeling. I thought less about consequences and more about the moment. I wanted to have adventures, to feel music, to be free, to be loved, to always be with my friends.
Things are different now. It has been about nine years since I was suffering from senioritis and while I am still me, I am a lot different.
I am a tamer version of my former self. I think I am still striving for the same things, to have adventures, to feel music, to be free, to be loved, to always be with my friends. But I am not wild anymore and I'm wondering; was that slightly crazy girl in high school the imposter? Or am I?
Did I sell out because I got married and moved to a neighborhood with matching houses? Or because I took a job that's good -- but not my dream job. Or because I don't like to go out drinking and can't stand to be around smoke? I can't remember the last time I broke a rule or law (unless you count speeding, but I got caught and had to go to driving school). But maybe the biggest change is that I don't crave the danger that I used to -- at least not on that uncontrollable visceral level. Sometimes I think it would be fun, to go back out to the edge and feel that kind of alive that I used to feel, but I can always reason myself out of this.
What I really think is that this means I am older. I am not that bad ass anymore, but I'm sure it's still in me. Maybe you can only feel that intoxicated with your own youth for a short time -- there is a window of time during which you can take advantage of it. If that is the case, I am grateful that I saw the opening and seized it. Sure, I did some stupid things, we all did, but I lived to tell about it and I have those experiences to keep. Now, I get to discover new and better ways to be alive.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Wireless Wonderfulness
My new laptop arrived on Monday. For at least a year, maybe two, I have been obsessing over owning a laptop. My wish list (which is an actual list written in a notebook) has had. "laptop, ipod (40G) and front-loading washing machine" on it for a long long time. Now I have two out of three! And really, if we are going to be moving in a year, it doesn't make a ton of sense to get a new washing machine yet.
Anyways, the laptop is awesome and wonderful. It's small and speedy and I already have all of my important files and programs on it. It can play and record CD's and DVD's. It has plenty of ports and hard drive storage and...it has wireless internet. We don't have wireless internet or high speed internet at our house, but somebody nearby does and I can choose between two networks when signing on to my computer at home.
I discovered this fact Monday night while installing software and transfering files. Yes, I realize that this is not a good thing to take advantage of. Whoever administrates those networks can see if I am on them and they can look at things on my computer and they could also get really mad. Oh, and there is probably something illegal about it too. So it's not a long-term solution, but it's awesome for the time being. It's the speediest internet access I've ever had in my own home. Now I am asking myself how on earth I went so long with only a dial-up connection. But I am taking steps to get back to my old cutting-edge self.
Now we need a flat-screen high-resolution TV, Tivo, some new stereo equipment that is hooked up to the TV, a Blackberry for Neil, perhaps some satellite radio...
As much fun as all of this stuff is, and as thrilled as I am to have a laptop and an iPod, I also find myself wishing I didn't always wind up wanting things the way I do. I am materialistic. I wish I weren't, but I don't really see how it is practical not to be. You can't live in this society and then denounce consumerism and commercialism. If I were living off the land in the mountains someplace, then of course I would not need the clothes from Banana Republic or the iPod, or even that washing machine. I also wouldn't need to be entertained. I wouldn't go to movies, I wouldn't be compelled to own DVD's and so on. But, I do live here and I want to enjoy myself. Maybe it's a balance....a balance between having these things and letting these things fulfill you emotionally and spiritually. While I do indulge in retail therapy on occasion, I don't confuse satisfying my materialistic whims with fulfilling my soul. So, at least I have that going for me.
I got this note from the Universe the other day and really liked it. Maybe now I understand why?
My new laptop arrived on Monday. For at least a year, maybe two, I have been obsessing over owning a laptop. My wish list (which is an actual list written in a notebook) has had. "laptop, ipod (40G) and front-loading washing machine" on it for a long long time. Now I have two out of three! And really, if we are going to be moving in a year, it doesn't make a ton of sense to get a new washing machine yet.
Anyways, the laptop is awesome and wonderful. It's small and speedy and I already have all of my important files and programs on it. It can play and record CD's and DVD's. It has plenty of ports and hard drive storage and...it has wireless internet. We don't have wireless internet or high speed internet at our house, but somebody nearby does and I can choose between two networks when signing on to my computer at home.
I discovered this fact Monday night while installing software and transfering files. Yes, I realize that this is not a good thing to take advantage of. Whoever administrates those networks can see if I am on them and they can look at things on my computer and they could also get really mad. Oh, and there is probably something illegal about it too. So it's not a long-term solution, but it's awesome for the time being. It's the speediest internet access I've ever had in my own home. Now I am asking myself how on earth I went so long with only a dial-up connection. But I am taking steps to get back to my old cutting-edge self.
Now we need a flat-screen high-resolution TV, Tivo, some new stereo equipment that is hooked up to the TV, a Blackberry for Neil, perhaps some satellite radio...
As much fun as all of this stuff is, and as thrilled as I am to have a laptop and an iPod, I also find myself wishing I didn't always wind up wanting things the way I do. I am materialistic. I wish I weren't, but I don't really see how it is practical not to be. You can't live in this society and then denounce consumerism and commercialism. If I were living off the land in the mountains someplace, then of course I would not need the clothes from Banana Republic or the iPod, or even that washing machine. I also wouldn't need to be entertained. I wouldn't go to movies, I wouldn't be compelled to own DVD's and so on. But, I do live here and I want to enjoy myself. Maybe it's a balance....a balance between having these things and letting these things fulfill you emotionally and spiritually. While I do indulge in retail therapy on occasion, I don't confuse satisfying my materialistic whims with fulfilling my soul. So, at least I have that going for me.
I got this note from the Universe the other day and really liked it. Maybe now I understand why?
Simply put, Jodi, the reason there are things you want, that have not yet appeared in your life, is because you're just not used to thinking of yourself with them. Sorry, kind of wish it was more complicated. Just keep practicing.
Friday, December 03, 2004
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Better?
For unknown reasons, I seem to be feeling a bit better about life today. Perhaps it's because it's sunny outside and I went to the gym last night, and my new laptop was shipped today so it should arrive soon.
I think it's interesting that Tom Ridge is quitting. The New York Times said today that he will be best remembered for "playing with colors". That made me giggle. I don't really have any rancor for Mr. Ridge. I just think he's pretty lame. But, I have gained a tad of respect for him since he had the good sense to resign from the evil empire.
In sad news, tonight is the last night that Tom Brokaw will be on NBC Nightly News. I wonder what he will say at the end of the broadcast. He can't possibly say, "I'll see you back here tomorrow night." Will he say, "I'll see you later." or maybe "I won't be seeing you." I am going to have to do my best to watch...I really don't like it that he's retiring, but I am sure I'll get over it.
I'm off to drink some green tea. Someday soon I will have some good and interesting things to post about...
For unknown reasons, I seem to be feeling a bit better about life today. Perhaps it's because it's sunny outside and I went to the gym last night, and my new laptop was shipped today so it should arrive soon.
I think it's interesting that Tom Ridge is quitting. The New York Times said today that he will be best remembered for "playing with colors". That made me giggle. I don't really have any rancor for Mr. Ridge. I just think he's pretty lame. But, I have gained a tad of respect for him since he had the good sense to resign from the evil empire.
In sad news, tonight is the last night that Tom Brokaw will be on NBC Nightly News. I wonder what he will say at the end of the broadcast. He can't possibly say, "I'll see you back here tomorrow night." Will he say, "I'll see you later." or maybe "I won't be seeing you." I am going to have to do my best to watch...I really don't like it that he's retiring, but I am sure I'll get over it.
I'm off to drink some green tea. Someday soon I will have some good and interesting things to post about...
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Top Word of the Year
Did you know that the most searched-for word on Merriam-Webster online in 2004 was (drum roll please) Blog? How funny. I didn't even know Blog was in the dictionary.
Here is the official definition:
Blog - noun [short for Weblog ] (1999) : a Web site that contains an
online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often
hyperlinks provided by the writer.
Hmm. Good to know.
Well, Thanksgiving was ok. I survived and the food was good. There was ample weirdness, but also some goodness, so it all kind of balanced out to be neutral. If this isn't making any sense, I apologize. I am just not quite ready to get into family stuff on this site.
Speaking of which, I have absolutely no idea who actually reads this thing. Yes, I know that I have a few non-commenting friends who read it and some of you e-mail me about things on here once in a while, but where did those thousand hits come from? How do people even find my site? And how does one achieve the kind of fame in the blog world where the people who run Blogger notice your blog and list it on the Blogs of Note list? I am not sure I want that kind of recognition... but I am just wondering.
I am also wondering if humans used to hibernate in the winter. Or at least hunker down more because, without fail, when the days start getting shorter, I have this urge to eat a bunch and curl up in flannel and sleep. A co-worker was just telling me that he read something that basically said we used to keep much shorter hours in the winter, but artificial lights have messed everything up. If this is true, at least there's a more scientific explanation for my laziness than me just being lazy.
I think I will end this random random post with a bit of advice I received from my little brother (the smartest person I know.)
"Keep your head up and take care of you. You can only control how you act, so do it. Take lessons from others and make yourself a better life. Act like the person you know you are, and if people see you doing well -- really truly happy -- they will be inspired by you and do the same for themselves. These little things will sort themselves out. Things will change and the unexpected will be the same. People will grow, or shrink as they chose. It is up to each one of us to take care of ourselves as well as our family. So use your energy for something productive and don’t get all hung up on the problems."
Obviously this advice is about some family crap we're going through, but it can really apply to so much and it helped snap me out of a funk today (the advice, lunch with Nancy and some cheery TV-related e-mails from Sean.) So thanks Dustin and thanks to my friends for being there. I am off to be like myself and get my butt to the gym.
Did you know that the most searched-for word on Merriam-Webster online in 2004 was (drum roll please) Blog? How funny. I didn't even know Blog was in the dictionary.
Here is the official definition:
Blog - noun [short for Weblog ] (1999) : a Web site that contains an
online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often
hyperlinks provided by the writer.
Hmm. Good to know.
Well, Thanksgiving was ok. I survived and the food was good. There was ample weirdness, but also some goodness, so it all kind of balanced out to be neutral. If this isn't making any sense, I apologize. I am just not quite ready to get into family stuff on this site.
Speaking of which, I have absolutely no idea who actually reads this thing. Yes, I know that I have a few non-commenting friends who read it and some of you e-mail me about things on here once in a while, but where did those thousand hits come from? How do people even find my site? And how does one achieve the kind of fame in the blog world where the people who run Blogger notice your blog and list it on the Blogs of Note list? I am not sure I want that kind of recognition... but I am just wondering.
I am also wondering if humans used to hibernate in the winter. Or at least hunker down more because, without fail, when the days start getting shorter, I have this urge to eat a bunch and curl up in flannel and sleep. A co-worker was just telling me that he read something that basically said we used to keep much shorter hours in the winter, but artificial lights have messed everything up. If this is true, at least there's a more scientific explanation for my laziness than me just being lazy.
I think I will end this random random post with a bit of advice I received from my little brother (the smartest person I know.)
"Keep your head up and take care of you. You can only control how you act, so do it. Take lessons from others and make yourself a better life. Act like the person you know you are, and if people see you doing well -- really truly happy -- they will be inspired by you and do the same for themselves. These little things will sort themselves out. Things will change and the unexpected will be the same. People will grow, or shrink as they chose. It is up to each one of us to take care of ourselves as well as our family. So use your energy for something productive and don’t get all hung up on the problems."
Obviously this advice is about some family crap we're going through, but it can really apply to so much and it helped snap me out of a funk today (the advice, lunch with Nancy and some cheery TV-related e-mails from Sean.) So thanks Dustin and thanks to my friends for being there. I am off to be like myself and get my butt to the gym.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
That Fat Time of Year
Why is it that at the holidays, the one time of year when I see old friends and lots of family, I am always the fattest? It doesn't seem to matter how well I try to eat or how much I exercise. As soon as it begins to get chilly outside, the fat just piles onto my body and by the time Christmas Eve rolls around, I am plump.
I don't mean to say that I'm fat. I know that I'm not. But, I go between two or three pants sizes each year and I am at the top end right now and some are beginning to feel snug. This is not good. Something must be done. But what? Extreme liquid diet? Psychotic workout regime? Or maybe exactly what I am already doing, but I have to keep doing it for three or four more weeks to see any results whatsoever.
The worst thing about weight gain: You can eat like a lunatic and gain five pounds in a long weekend and then it takes a month of good eating and exercise to get rid of them.
Anyways, I am going to roll myself to my parents' house tomorrow morning to begin cooking the feast...And after that, it's back to protein shakes and fresh fruit. Wish me luck.
Why is it that at the holidays, the one time of year when I see old friends and lots of family, I am always the fattest? It doesn't seem to matter how well I try to eat or how much I exercise. As soon as it begins to get chilly outside, the fat just piles onto my body and by the time Christmas Eve rolls around, I am plump.
I don't mean to say that I'm fat. I know that I'm not. But, I go between two or three pants sizes each year and I am at the top end right now and some are beginning to feel snug. This is not good. Something must be done. But what? Extreme liquid diet? Psychotic workout regime? Or maybe exactly what I am already doing, but I have to keep doing it for three or four more weeks to see any results whatsoever.
The worst thing about weight gain: You can eat like a lunatic and gain five pounds in a long weekend and then it takes a month of good eating and exercise to get rid of them.
Anyways, I am going to roll myself to my parents' house tomorrow morning to begin cooking the feast...And after that, it's back to protein shakes and fresh fruit. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Driving School
On Saturday, I had to spend six hours in driver improvement school. It was in a meeting room at a Comfort Inn, which, based on my experience, was not at all comfortable.
There were a bunch of other poor saps like myself who were there because of speeding tickets that they did not want on their driving records. Then we had a handful of scary men with lots of tattoos and slight beer bellies who had that badder-than-shit attitude that really tells the world they're scared, but they think they're tough.
Anyways, I survived and remained awake the whole time. (The girl next to me wasn't so lucky and nodded off several times.)
Here are some things I learned:
1) Five people die in intersections for every one person who dies on the interstate.
2) Even Listerine can set off a vehicle interlock device.
3) If you aren't drunk (above the legal limit of .08 blood alcohol content) but you had a glass of wine with dinner and someone rear ends you, even if it wasn't your fault, if a police officer smells alcohol on your breath, you can get a ticket for driving under the influence. (Drunk people get driving while intoxicated tickets.)
4) Your tires should be no more than 18 inches from the curb when parallel parking.
5) Railroad signs are the only traffic signs that are round.
6) I should never ever get caught speeding again if I don't want my brain to be further subjected to the mind-numbing torture that is driver improvement school.
Thanksgiving is coming. Right now, while I do have lots to be thankful for, I also have a lot of grievances and questions. I'm a bit apprehensive of this approaching holiday. I just hope it goes more smoothly than I am predicting it will.
On Saturday, I had to spend six hours in driver improvement school. It was in a meeting room at a Comfort Inn, which, based on my experience, was not at all comfortable.
There were a bunch of other poor saps like myself who were there because of speeding tickets that they did not want on their driving records. Then we had a handful of scary men with lots of tattoos and slight beer bellies who had that badder-than-shit attitude that really tells the world they're scared, but they think they're tough.
Anyways, I survived and remained awake the whole time. (The girl next to me wasn't so lucky and nodded off several times.)
Here are some things I learned:
1) Five people die in intersections for every one person who dies on the interstate.
2) Even Listerine can set off a vehicle interlock device.
3) If you aren't drunk (above the legal limit of .08 blood alcohol content) but you had a glass of wine with dinner and someone rear ends you, even if it wasn't your fault, if a police officer smells alcohol on your breath, you can get a ticket for driving under the influence. (Drunk people get driving while intoxicated tickets.)
4) Your tires should be no more than 18 inches from the curb when parallel parking.
5) Railroad signs are the only traffic signs that are round.
6) I should never ever get caught speeding again if I don't want my brain to be further subjected to the mind-numbing torture that is driver improvement school.
Thanksgiving is coming. Right now, while I do have lots to be thankful for, I also have a lot of grievances and questions. I'm a bit apprehensive of this approaching holiday. I just hope it goes more smoothly than I am predicting it will.
Friday, November 19, 2004
Jane Smiley
In high school, I had to read Jane Smiley's A Thousand Acres. I hated it. I don't remember why, or even much of what the book was about... but I had a lingering dislike for the author until this afternoon when I finally read an article my dad forwarded to me last week.
Jane Smiley is answering the question: "Why do Americans hate the Democrats?"
The following string of quotes have made me see Jane Smiley in a new light.
"The election results reflect the decision of the right wing to cultivate and exploit ignorance in the citizenry...The error that progressives have consistently committed over the years is to underestimate the vitality of ignorance inAmerica
Brilliant! I know many others have said the same thing in different ways, but I am impressed by my old enemy. To read the rest of her column go here.
In high school, I had to read Jane Smiley's A Thousand Acres. I hated it. I don't remember why, or even much of what the book was about... but I had a lingering dislike for the author until this afternoon when I finally read an article my dad forwarded to me last week.
Jane Smiley is answering the question: "Why do Americans hate the Democrats?"
The following string of quotes have made me see Jane Smiley in a new light.
"The election results reflect the decision of the right wing to cultivate and exploit ignorance in the citizenry...The error that progressives have consistently committed over the years is to underestimate the vitality of ignorance in
Brilliant! I know many others have said the same thing in different ways, but I am impressed by my old enemy. To read the rest of her column go here.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Death By Meeting
In the past two days I have been to five meetings. When I finally make it back to my desk after another epic meeting, it takes me a good 30 minutes to figure out what on earth I was working so hard to accomplish before I was so rudely interrupted. For the most part, meetings are the downfall of all productivity.
To make matters worse. At today's first meeting, a woman who I have met several times said "Jodi, I think we've e-mailed, but never met...Nice to finally meet you." I didn't correct her because she had me so confused that I began to think I hadn't actually met her at all.
Then at today's second meeting I did the same thing to a woman that I had met before. It slowly dawned on me during the meeting that I had met her and I felt like a huge jerk.
In the meantime, my personal life seems to be, for the most part, unraveling and it's making me really really sad – which doesn't lend to productivity. Luckily I have Neil and some friends to help me weather the storm.
In the past two days I have been to five meetings. When I finally make it back to my desk after another epic meeting, it takes me a good 30 minutes to figure out what on earth I was working so hard to accomplish before I was so rudely interrupted. For the most part, meetings are the downfall of all productivity.
To make matters worse. At today's first meeting, a woman who I have met several times said "Jodi, I think we've e-mailed, but never met...Nice to finally meet you." I didn't correct her because she had me so confused that I began to think I hadn't actually met her at all.
Then at today's second meeting I did the same thing to a woman that I had met before. It slowly dawned on me during the meeting that I had met her and I felt like a huge jerk.
In the meantime, my personal life seems to be, for the most part, unraveling and it's making me really really sad – which doesn't lend to productivity. Luckily I have Neil and some friends to help me weather the storm.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Strep
Last week I didn't feel great. My throat felt weird and one of my tonsils was really big, along with both glands on the side of my throat...So, at the urging of my boss, I went to the doctor. Going to the doctor is not like is used to be. Now that I am on an HMO health plan, I have to wait for at least an hour in the waiting room and a half-hour in the exam room before seeing a doctor; I believe the waiting time is mandated... Last week was even worse than normal and I had to wait for about two hours before I saw the doctor. Then, of course, she does the most cursory exam, swabs my throat a couple times and sends me on my way with a prescription I am not to fill unless I get a call from her office. I was done within seven minutes from the minute she walked in the door.
Even in this very brief time, the doctor was able to make me feel like I was a hypochondriac. She does this every time – even when I am shivering with a 102 degree fever. It's amazing. They must have taught her this skill along with "bedside manner" in medical school. Anyways, last week, the doctor said "I'll swab your throat to be sure it's not strep, but it doesn't look like strep to me. It actually looks like some food is stuck in your tonsil and it has caused a little infection. No big deal. Go home and gargle salt water."
So, I left feeling dumb and exhausted (both from my long stay in the waiting room and the fact that I was sick.) I spent the rest of Thursday laying low at home and returned to work Friday. I felt a little off all weekend, but figured it was just my body fighting the foreign particle in my tonsil (which the doctor so helpfully drew a picture of so that I could see how it really has lots of crevasses in it and it's not smooth.) I went to work on Monday feeling ok and blamed the lack of energy on the cloudiness and then Tuesday morning, I got a phone call from the doctor asking if I "went ahead and filled the antibiotic prescription."
I explained that I hadn't and she suggested I do it since my throat culture came back positive for STREP! She said it's a different kind of strep, but I should take the antibiotics to be sure to get rid of it.
While I was glad for the explanation for my exhaustion and general malaise, I was and remain a tad annoyed that it took from last Thursday until this Tuesday (that's six days) to let me know that the throat culture was positive. Also annoying: The fact that the doctor sent me home feeling like I was crazy and dumb when actually, I had strep.
So, I am now on antibiotics and seem to be slowly emerging from the haze. It's really too bad that I have to be afraid of my health care provider. HMOs are the devil.
Last week I didn't feel great. My throat felt weird and one of my tonsils was really big, along with both glands on the side of my throat...So, at the urging of my boss, I went to the doctor. Going to the doctor is not like is used to be. Now that I am on an HMO health plan, I have to wait for at least an hour in the waiting room and a half-hour in the exam room before seeing a doctor; I believe the waiting time is mandated... Last week was even worse than normal and I had to wait for about two hours before I saw the doctor. Then, of course, she does the most cursory exam, swabs my throat a couple times and sends me on my way with a prescription I am not to fill unless I get a call from her office. I was done within seven minutes from the minute she walked in the door.
Even in this very brief time, the doctor was able to make me feel like I was a hypochondriac. She does this every time – even when I am shivering with a 102 degree fever. It's amazing. They must have taught her this skill along with "bedside manner" in medical school. Anyways, last week, the doctor said "I'll swab your throat to be sure it's not strep, but it doesn't look like strep to me. It actually looks like some food is stuck in your tonsil and it has caused a little infection. No big deal. Go home and gargle salt water."
So, I left feeling dumb and exhausted (both from my long stay in the waiting room and the fact that I was sick.) I spent the rest of Thursday laying low at home and returned to work Friday. I felt a little off all weekend, but figured it was just my body fighting the foreign particle in my tonsil (which the doctor so helpfully drew a picture of so that I could see how it really has lots of crevasses in it and it's not smooth.) I went to work on Monday feeling ok and blamed the lack of energy on the cloudiness and then Tuesday morning, I got a phone call from the doctor asking if I "went ahead and filled the antibiotic prescription."
I explained that I hadn't and she suggested I do it since my throat culture came back positive for STREP! She said it's a different kind of strep, but I should take the antibiotics to be sure to get rid of it.
While I was glad for the explanation for my exhaustion and general malaise, I was and remain a tad annoyed that it took from last Thursday until this Tuesday (that's six days) to let me know that the throat culture was positive. Also annoying: The fact that the doctor sent me home feeling like I was crazy and dumb when actually, I had strep.
So, I am now on antibiotics and seem to be slowly emerging from the haze. It's really too bad that I have to be afraid of my health care provider. HMOs are the devil.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Old Friends
This week I have been spending a lot of time downloading music from my cd's to the computer and then uploading them onto my iPod. Everyone predicted this would be the case if I ever got an iPod because: a) I am musically obsessed and b) I own an obscene number of cds.
In the process of scouring my CD collection for music suitable to be on my iPod, I came across an old cd that some friends of mine made in high school. Their band was called The Creation Band and they were really good. Surprisingly, they weren't just good back then because I was in high school and all the other garage bands were terrible. This band was really good. The members were all a little too obsessed with reggae culture as some privileged white adolescent boys tend to become during high school -- but we could forgive them because they were good friends and they were talented musicians – we got over the dreadlocks and fake Jamaican accents.
The summer after high school while I was working two jobs and preparing for college, The Creation Band went on tour. I believe that is when they recorded their album. When I left for college, I had a tape of the album and I played and played it as a way to stay connected to my friends and to avoid becoming too homesick. In fact, I played it so much that the ribbon wore out and I could only listen to a few songs at the beginning of the tape and a few songs at the end. My sophomore roommate became enamored with one of the band members because she thought he had a sexy voice. I thought she was slightly insane, but we kept listening until it became really obvious that the tape was not going to work anymore.
During the spring of my senior year in college, the band's trombone player, my first boyfriend and subsequently one of my really good friends, Carl, died of a brain tumor. Sometime shortly after I flew home to speak at his memorial, I received a CD in the mail from his parents. It was the Creation Band album. I was thrilled since I had reluctantly retired the tape two years earlier. Of course, the music was something different now... it was music to listen to if I wanted to cry. I would find the tracks that featured Carl playing his trombone and crank them up and sob. This weepy stage lasted a while and the CD went into storage...until this week.
Out of the five or six band members that I was friends with in high school, today I am in touch with one. I know that one of the guitarists moved to
I used to mourn these faded friendships. In high school, you love your friends fast and hard. They are family. I still miss the people who have drifted away from me… And today, when I listened to the Creation Band CD for the first time in four years, I felt like I got some of those friends back in a small way, at least for a moment. The Creation Band has turned into a happy memory of old friends and past times, a connection to who we were back then…I am so grateful to have this music that can take me back.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Clouds
Yesterday I went walking at lunch with my new iPod. It was totally unseasonable weather -- I think the high was around 72 degrees -- and the sun was shining and the wind was blowing ever-so slightly which made the beautifully-colored leaves slowly drift from the trees. The grass was still green and it was just a perfect day. Add to that how exciting it was to be walking around with my iPod that I had just loaded up with 278 songs and how nice it was to have that alone time to just think. I didn't want to go inside at the end of the walk. I could have kept walking all afternoon. I love having moments like that, having my own personal adventure and creating a moment to savor by doing something as simple as taking a long walk with good music.
Today, it's cloudy. I went walking with a coworker and we got rained on a little bit. I feel good after today's walk, but I was happy to be back in the office in my turtleneck sweater and corduroys. Strange how much of a difference weather can make on my mood. When it's sunny and the sky is blue and infinite, I feel like everything is possible. When it's cloudy, I feel like curling up with a book, lighting candles, wearing flannel PJ's...you get the idea. Both moods can be good, but I'd prefer an abundance of sunny days. Here's hoping for no clouds tomorrow.
Sorry Everybody
I am completely in love with this site. Basically hundreds and hundreds of people have taken apology pictures and posted them here. Mostly it's Americans apologizing to the rest of the world, but there are also people from Canada, Spain, Finland, France, Australia and others with little signs of their own accepting our apologies. It's so cheesy and pathetic, but at the same time it's absolutely perfect. I am really moved by the number of people who took the time to write out a sign and take a picture holding it and post their pictures on the internet. It makes a really powerful statement. I hope lots of people around the world get the chance to check the site out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)