Things I am not proud of

1) While walking
to the metro on Monday a rude woman passed me going the other direction
and coughed RIGHT in my face. Right before I held my breath and turned
away, my brain entertained the following brief thought: "I should
breathe in really deep and maybe I will get sick and not have to go to
work."

2) The U.S. is playing against Mexico in soccer right now. I am rooting for Mexico. (But I won't be sad if we win either.)

3)
This morning, I was running really really late to work. I can only take
every other train because I go almost to the end of the line and not
all trains go that far. When the third train came (only the second that
would actually get me to work) and I made it to the front of the crowd
and the door chime sounded, I actually shoved some nice people in order
to make it on the train. It's not like they wouldn't have shoved me if
I hadn't acted first. It's not like I haven't actually come home with
bruises from metro shoves. But, still, I pushed some nice people while
trying to get on the metro.

4) Sometimes when I am feeling very unhappy, I resort to online shopping.

Things that I feel good about

1) I have been to the gym every day for the last five days and I feel amazing.

2)
Tonight, when I rolled out a yoga mat at the gym and then went to grab
some free weights and a man sat on my mat and started doingsit ups, I just smiled and got a new mat.

3) My supervisee at work is doing an amazing job and I think that sometimes, I really help her and I think she looks up to me.

4) My little brother is doing awesome in San Francisco.

5) I have amazing friends and I have been getting back in touch with lots of them recently.

Interesting and/or disturbing things

1)
The prehistoric skeletons found near Verona, Italy locked in an embrace
are completely amazing to me and reading about them made me feel, in
some very basic way, that humans are good.

2) I also read today
that the KKK is increasing their membership by hating Mexicans. This
information literally made me nauseous and nearly canceled out the
goodness the Verona fossils imparted.

3) It is absolutely
freezing in Washington, D.C. and I keep dreaming of a beach vacation.
Bath and Body Works sells this amazing body scrub called Island Hot
Spot. If you are longing for summer vacation this winter, run, don't
walk, to the mall nearest you, buy the small tube of the scrub for a
slightly outrageous $13.50 and use it in the shower each morning. It's
completely worth it and will get rid of dead and dry winter skin while
cheering you with it's vacation scent. (Sadly, no, I do not get a
kickback for every tube they sell - I just really like the stuff.)

A quote

Some people of course expect
to be rewarded for stumbling
and rising from the floor
and stumbling again, but we give
no credit for living. We favor vitality
over goodness, even over effort;
we love a great belly laugh
more than anything.

-Stephen Dunn (from “The Soul’s Agents”)

A Good Start

I am trying to get a good start on the year and that means blogging!
So here I am. New Years was both awesome and terrible. Terrible because I was feeling ill all of the next day, awesome, because we had a lot of fun.

And now it's 2007. Of course, it doesn't really feel all that different, it's just another day. But I like the idea of fresh starts, of the possibility to make this year whatever I want it to be... and I'm going to set out doing that.

I am sure I will have more to report soon.

Newness

I am about to go out for one last time in 2006. For me, this has been a really good year. A year of new friends, of renewed youth, of busy weeks, of many visitors, of traveling and experiencing.
I think it's funny, how we mark things by years. What is a year? A collection of days, really... And yet, to me, something has always seemed so final about New Years Eve. No turning back, another year gone. The upside is that tomorrow will be filled with newness and with the sense of possibility that I am so in love with.

Here's to more living in 2007!

Blog Gone?

I am so bad at this blogging thing. Maybe it is because I have been blogging for so long? Or perhaps I am less inclined to share my innermost thoughts lately? I am not sure what is going on, but I am taking another stab at it. Since I last posted, I had an awesome trip to New York with Neil, my brother and my grandma. We saw the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall, The Lion King and The Drowsy Chaperone. We rode a carriage through central park, we shopped at Uniqlo, watched my grandma buy diamond earrings at Tiffany's and had an awesome time. Then Dustin (my brother) visited us in DC through Thanksgiving which was awesome. We had amazing weather and it was really refreshing to spend so much time with him.

I also went to New Mexico twice in three weeks which was both wonderful and exhausting. Neil's documentary on the governor was shown at the NM Film Expo the first weekend of December and I was home last weekend for the whole Christmas Eve walk.

All of the intense craziness has been fun, but I am really ready for some nights in. It's introspection time again. 2006 is ending. I have been in DC for more than a year and it's time to think about what is next... or at least to really examine my life and make sure I am really living. So that's what I am up to these days - trying to live more, to love better, to be less selfish, to listen to more music (new favorite album: Rabbit Fur Coat - Jenny Lewis), move more (dance classes anyone?) and just be present in the moment. I think I have been on autopilot again for a while and it's time to be awake.

Good morning.

Oh my goodness, just let her stay here!

When I read stories like this, I never understand how anyone wouldn't want to allow this woman to stay in the U.S. And then I think about how a big part of me wants to move back to the U.S./Mexico border so that I can witness/document the plight of immigrants. It is so important...


MEXICO CITY, Mexico (AP) -- He's a serious 7-year-old on a mission to save his mom.

Four-foot-tall second-grader Saul Arellano, a U.S. citizen, was to stand before 500 members of the lower house of the Mexican Congress on Tuesday to plead for their help in lobbying Washington to stop the deportation of his migrant mother, who has taken refuge in a Chicago church.

His fight is being closely watched on both sides of the border: The result could set a precedent for more than 3 million children, like him, who are Americans born to at least one parent who is in the U.S. illegally.

While his mother, Elvira Arellano, stays inside the Adalberto United Methodist Church on Chicago's West Side, Saul has joined a months-long campaign on her behalf, speaking out from Los Angeles to Washington, where he handed a White House guard his letter to President Bush.

"I want my mom to stay with me in the U.S.," he told The Associated Press on Monday in between informal meetings with Mexican lawmakers.

Since August 15 -- the day she was scheduled to surrender to U.S. authorities for deportation -- mother and son have lived at the church. U.S. federal officials have said there is no right to sanctuary in a church under U.S. law, and nothing to prevent them from arresting her.

But so far, they have not moved to detain Elvira Arellano, who has won the support from political figures across the United States, including Chicago Mayor Richard Daley.

Arellano, 31, said she sent her son to her homeland because she believes the Mexican government has the ability to help her.

"If the Mexican government can negotiate a free-trade agreement, they can negotiate a good accord to keep families from being split up," she said.

But immigration reform has proved to be a much tougher issue to resolve than trade. President Vicente Fox, who leaves office December 1, has struggled throughout his six-year term to gain Washington's support for a migration accord that would allow for thousands of Mexicans to work legally in the U.S. And while Bush personally supports a temporary guest-worker program, Republicans in Congress limited action to strengthening the border fence.

Arellano said she should not have to choose between leaving her son behind in the U.S. or bringing him to Mexico, away from his school, friends and familiar environment.

Conservative columnists and anti-illegal immigration activists say she put herself and her son in this difficult spot by repeatedly breaking the law.

Arellano illegally crossed into the United States in 1997 and was deported shortly afterward. She returned within days, living for three years in Oregon before moving to Chicago in 2000.

She was arrested two years later at O'Hare International Airport, where she worked as a cleaning woman. Convicted of working under a false Social Security number, she served three years probation before being ordered to appear at the immigration office in Chicago.

Aaahhhh

A short sigh because after watching the election results come in this evening, I feel as if I can breathe a little easier. Sure, new problems will arise (gridlock, party infighting...blah blah blah) but I feel a tinge of hope knowing that the majority of Americans in a lot of states are thinking a little bit more like me again. The nation is swinging back toward the middle - away from the right and I believe that just the increased diversity of our governing body will do us a whole lot of good, no matter what side of the aisle we align ourselves with...

Old

It's official. I am oldish. I am on the downslide toward 30. I had a really good birthday with a nice amount of attention. I am not an attention hog, but one thing I like about birthdays is the way they remind me that I have special people in my life who care about me. So thanks everyone. Thanks for the party that lasted until 3:30 am. Thanks for the cards, phone calls, e-mails, Myspace comments, gifts and conversation.

OMG! Comments!

Oh my goodness. I had no idea anyone was reading my blog. Since April, I have not received any comments! I was thinking that I had suddenly become very uninteresting and lost all of my readers and I could not figure out why. Then, tonight, as I was posting my end-of-weekend-bummer-still-hung-over-on-sunday-night poem even though I no longer feel so bummed, I noticed a button in Blogger that said "Moderate Comments". I thought, "Ha, like I have any comments to moderate" and then I clicked on it to see what those lucky people with comments get to do and there were a bunch of comments dating all the way back to April.

So, I feel loved again AND I feel really lame for thinking you were all tuning out all these months. NO WONDER I WAS FEELING LIKE BLOGS WERE PASSE!!!

Anyways, I am back and so are all of you my fair commenters.

More blogging to come...

Weekend Ending Blues

sad.
because a good weekend is coming to an end?
because my family is far away?
because life is imperfect?
because I can't fix my brother?
because I love too many people too intensely?
because alcohol is a depressant?
because I am imperfect?
because I would rather do many things than work?
because I can't do it all?
because I am lonely?
because I am scared?
because I don't know what to wear tomorrow?
because temptation is hard to resist?
because it is easy to be lazy?
because I can't get anyone to pick up the phone?
because I can't fix myself?
because of politics?
because I can be better?
because it gets dark so early?
because I work so hard?
because time goes too quickly?
because 28 is close to 30?
because the homeless women down the block are going to be cold tonight?
because I miss the mountains?
because of a sad song?
because I have to wait until Thursday for the next Grey's Anatomy?
because I am always trying to speed through the weeks?
because I miss my friends?
because sometimes I miss myself?
because
because
because

Enchanting

There is something about British accents that is just so enchanting.

Over?

I thought blogs were kind of over as marketing tools. There are about 75 million blogs. Why would anyone want to market in an audience that fragmented? But today I met with a guy my age who works in a kick-ass office in downtown DC who is convinced that word of mouth on blogs is the way to create buzz. Maybe I only thought blogs were dying because mine is dead as of late?

NYC

In about one month, I am going to NYC with my brother, grandma and Neil. We're seeing two Broadway shows and the Radio City Rockettes. I am so excited about this trip that I dream about it once a week.

Pigtails

I got a haircut last week. My hair, which used to be below my shoulders, no longer touches my shoulders. This makes my pig tails look really hilarious. Last night I had a nightmare about a business meeting I attended and was running. There were about 20 old white men in suits around a super-fancy table and I could not get them on-topic. To make matters worse, I had forgotten I had a business meeting that day and my hair was in little tiny stick-straight-out pigtails. How humiliating...

I think it's interesting that business meeting anxiety dreams have finally replaced my classroom anxiety dreams. I don't know how many years after graduation I had dreams about missing a test, or taking a test I'd forgotten to study for, or forgetting to go to a class for an entire semester... and now, I have moved on to the much more sophisticated "pigtails in the boardroom" nightmare. Aye yie yie.

Honor

It is really a huge honor to be asked to be someone's bridesmaid. I feel really honored to be in Nancy and Britty's weddings next summer.

Late or Early

Neil is working all night tonight. From 11 pm until 6 am. All the way from late to really late to early.

Meanwhile, I am going to bed.

Need

Have you ever felt that every organ in your body, every pore on your skin, every bit of your soul was in dire need of a vacation? That's how I am feeling as of late. I am too responsible for too many things. I'm constantly taking on more responsibility. I'm drowning in it. At work, home, in my social life, with my family. I need a vacation, not somewhere exotic necessarily... just somewhere away from myself.

I know, good luck with that.

Music as Religion

Yesterday was Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. Neil an I went to services at a new place in our quest to find a synagogue where we feel at home. Rosh Hashana is one of the two most important holidays of the year and we took a risk by going to services ad an unknown synagogue. Sadly, the risk did not pay off. The services were terrible for so many reasons I don't even want to go into it on my blog. Suffice it to say that I left the service feeling angry that I was deprived of the spiritual growth/fulfillment that I usually feel on Rosh Hashana.

Yesterday afternoon, after services, we drove to Charlottesville, VA, to see the Dave Matthew Band play in the band's hometown. The drive through rural Virginia took about 2.5 hours. We saw big beautiful Southern homes, stopped at a general store that had been in business since the 1800's and generally enjoyed ourselves.

At the concert, we were on the floor of the arena in the 14th or 15th row - great seats. The concert was incredible. The band played some new songs, I was close enough to see the facial expressions on Dave Matthews and most of the other band members. It was awesome. During about the fifth song, as I felt my chest pound with the rhythm and sang along to a song about how we all fade away, I realized that the concert was more of a spiritual experience than anything I felt that morning. That maybe music is my religion.

On the drive there Neil had told me part of what he doesn't like about music is how it transports him to the time and place where he first heard the song. I think it's the transportative quality of music that I love so much. When I listen to a favorite song, it brings me back to all the people I've listened to it with and all the places I have heard it. It's truly a spiritual experience. Hearing music live only heightens the power of the experience. It may sound cheesy, but there is nothing that can make me fell more alive and inspired than hearing my favorite band in person. This does not mean I am abandoning Judaism. We will try another synagogue for Yom Kippur and hopefully it will have more to offer. But it's nice to realize that I can also turn elsewhere for my spiritual fulfillment.

Culinary Magic

Most people who know me also know that I am not a genius in the kitchen. In fact, I mostly despise cooking. Part of the reason for this is sheer laziness, but in addition to my preference for having other people cook for me, I find cooking to be very stressful. I do not know how to look in the fridge, pull some ingredients together and make something. I have to follow recipes and the recipes have to be explicit. A "pinch" of salt is not clear enough. I stress and worry that if I do not measure everything exactly, it will come out wrong. I have similar problems when I try to knit, which has resulted in my completely giving up the hobby. I know some people find cooking and knitting to be relaxing, but to me, they are two endeavors that make me want to pull my hair out. If I have a loose stitch in a scarf I'm knitting, I will unravel the whole thing until I fix the mistake. Other people think such blemishes are charming, to me they are endlessly frustrating. I am sure this says something about me as a person, but I like to think I am not this kind of crazy perfectionist in every area of my life...

Anyways, my new friend Debbie gave me cooking advice the other day. She told me that all good food starts with sauteed onions. This sounded reasonable to me, I love sauteed onions. She also said that I should pick foods of a variety of colors and put together ingredients I like. This is very little guidance, but for some reason, I decided to take a risk and go for it. Last night, I sauteed an onion and started adding things until I came out with a really delicious pasta sauce. I had never successfully made sauce from scratch with no recipe before and this sauce was so good that Neil must have said yum at least ten times while eating his bowl of gnocci. It was like a miracle. I threw this food in a frying pan and it turned into sauce. I am sure I sound ridiculous to those of you who can cook, but this was a major breakthrough for me. Who knows, I may even be ready to try improvised cooking again soon. So long recipes, hello culinary magician!

Satisfaction

I find it amazingly satisfying to recycle. Every time I take the bag of newspapers and plastic bottles to our building trash room and empty it into the separate recycling containers, I feel really good. Additionally, while we didn't get rid of our cars in order to be environmentalists, I am really happy to adopt that title. I feel glad about the money we are saving by not having a car, but even moreso, I am glad that we are doing our part to lower polution. It all sounds a little goody two-shoes, but that's how I feel. To add to the cheesy factor, I think I feel this way, in large part, because of Al Gore's movie.

Power of ?

I ride the metro to work and home every day. Several months ago, right before my stop on the way home, the driver announced that everyone should look out the window to see the new ads being tested in the metro. Sure enough, there on the tunnel wall was an ad for some car company. It was a very simple concept, the train goes fast enough to animate the ad, provided the designers set up stills to illustrate the movement. The ads are lit from behind to look like television, but they're much more low-tech.

A few weeks ago, the ad was switched to a Target ad. It is red and white and filled with cool objects and happy looking people and I could watch it over and over again. In fact, I do. It's amazing what a simple low-tech thing can do to a person's psyche. Even though I know it's advertising, every time I see it, I think "That's so cool." It's different than the rest of the black tunnels and it's just flashy enough to capture my imagination and make me think it's cool. How feeble and influencable human beings are. (I am).

Which makes me wonder, what could I do, to make a big impact on a lot of people. With just a small amount of ingenuity, perhaps I could spread a better message than "Shop at Target." I just need to figure out what it is I really want to say...

Signs

Today was a day that started out with a bunch of signs all telling me that I should have stayed in bed. It all began with a seemingly never ending nightmare about the world ending. Everyone had to evacuate in airplanes and I got separated from everyone but my little brother who forgot his ID and was not going to be let on the plane. It was one of those dreams that you can wake up from and go back to sleep and still be stuck in. It was terrible. I left the apartment late and went to my metro station. At the bottom of the escalator, I came across a baby bird with its wing caught in the bottom step. It was cheeping desperately and could not get out. I panicked and tried to get the Metro employees to help me rescue the bird to no avail. Finally, and I still feel guilty about this, I walked away and got on the train.

Then, when I got off the train, I called my mom while walking the 15 minutes to work. She answered the phone sobbing and told me she couldn't talk. THEN, I got to work, reached into my bag to get my badge so I could open the door and my key cut my finger, which started gushing blood all over everything, including my iPod.

It was at this point that I realized I should have gone home. I should have just turned around and returned to bed. I did not. Instead, I suffered through the rest of Tuesday and while it was not a great day, luckily it didn't get any worse.

Swamp

I live in a swamp. I knew what I was getting into when I moved here, but how could I really know? I take two to three showers a day. I am not proud of this fact. I do not like to waste water and dry out my skin and hair, but the swampy air clings to me and I feel disgusting.

Yesterday, Neil and I walked to Union Station in the middle of the afternoon. It's probably ten blocks from our apartment, maybe fewer, but I thought I was going to die. The heat was relentless. In addition to nearly melting into the pavement, we had the privilege of seeing at least one drug deal, one rat, several half-naked people and smelling all the smells of the city that somehow go dormant in the freeze of winter.

In spite of the smoldering, clinging, cloying heat, on most days, I am very glad to live here. But yesterday, as I dragged myself through the air toward air conditioning, I couldn't help fixating on the foothills of the Rockies.

Bad

Things are bad. Israel is at war with Lebanon. North Korea is making nuclear weapons. Hamas and Hezbolah are joining forces. The war in Iraq continues. Crime in D.C. is on the rise -- including the murder of an old friend of Neil's. Oh, and we're emitting too much carbon and causing global warming which is killing animals, creating worse storm patterns and moving us toward total destruction.

I realize I am being pesimistic, but sometimes there does not seem to be much hope in the world.

On the other hand, things in my little life go on as usual. Dinner out with a friend. Watched You, Me and Dupree (hilarious). I just can't help feeling a little bit guilty about letting things be normal.

A Fever

"My life- as an artist, at least - can be charted as precisely as a fever: the highs and lows, the very definite cycles. I started writing when I was eight - out of the blue, uninspired by any example. I'd never known anyone who wrote; indeed, I knew few people who read. But the fact was, the only four things that interested me were: reading books, going to the movies, tap dancing and drawing pictures. Then one day I started writing, not knowing that I had chained myself for life to a noble but merciless master. When God hands you a gift, he also hands you a whip; and the whip is intended solely for self-flagellation."
- Truman Capote
(From the preface of MUSIC FOR CHAMELEONS)

To The Guy Who Stood In Front of the Fan at the Gym Tonight

Dear Guy,
I know you live across the hall from me and I am supposed to be a good neighbor. In fact, I would much rather like my neighbors than not. However, ever since I learned that you stood my friend up on a Friday night and then DIDN'T EVEN CALL her to apologize, but instead sent a lame e-mail, I have been having my doubts about you.

This evening, when I saw you at the gym, I decided to take the high road and smile. You smiled and waved back. The gym was at least 85 degrees and the air conditioning is apparently broken since the door was propped open with a large dumbbell and there was a big industrial-strength fan whirring in the corner. I tried not to be annoyed that you were listening to an iPod and had the volume on the TV very loud. I tried not to be bothered that you seemed to have hidden the remote and I could not turn the TV by my machine on. But when you stood directly between me and the fan when you could have stood at any other point in the fan's path and you blocked every bit of cool air that was heading in my direction for more than 20 minutes of my 30-minute workout, I began to strongly dislike you. I spent at least 15 minutes trying to come up with a not-too-bitchy way to explain to you that it was a tad toasty in my corner. Then I began to embrace the heat thinking that I'd at least sweat out all my water weight while burning my 270 calories. Occasionally, you would turn around while taking a break from your weight-lifting and grunting. I wondered when you saw me completely soaked in sweat and as red as a tomato, why it wouldn't click in your brain that I might be HOT! But apparently it did not. You even stood there for a time while not working out, lifting your shirt to feel the cold air on your skin. I wanted to puke! When you left the gym, I had a little celebration on my precor.

Are you the most inconsiderate person on the planet or are you just completely clueless?

Signed,
Your Sweaty Neighbor

Alive

I am alive. Sean told me I need to update my blog, which is obviously true, so here I am. Hopefully I didn't scare away all five of my readers with my long absence.

I don't really have an excuse for not updating, except that once in a while I don't feel like sharing, or I let life get in my way...I'm not really sure.

Currently I am in a seriously introspective state. It's that time of year when I find myself questioning everything. Am I doing the right things to make myself happy and successful? Am I living a quality life? Who am I? Really, it's all exhausting. I have been listening to lots of whiny emo music on my iPod in the mornings and moping a little bit. I'm not proud of this, but it's the truth.

Then last night, Neil and I walked home from happy hour on Capitol Hill. We had to cross in front of the Capitol building and it was early twilight. The Capitol lawn was covered in a shimmering blanket of lightning bugs and it looked completely magical. There was an Army band playing convincing cover songs on the Capitol steps and a sizeable crowd had gathered to listen. As we walked by, I had a moment of clarity, providing hope that I will eventually emerge from this fog of introspection. Wish me luck.

Also on the way home we saw (and I nearly stepped on) a cockroach and then we crossed paths with a large rat. Ahh city living in the summer...

Week of Weakness
To be sick is to be weak. Or something like that. All week I have been basically feeling like crap. It's beautiful outside, the kind of weather that makes you want to wear a skirt and tank top, that calls you outdoors -- and I have been ill. I spent Monday in bed but the rest of the week, I worked long hours, kept social engagements, got very little sleep and felt like I was in battle the entire time. It is so completely frustrating to be physically weak, to be unable to keep up with the pace of life. I am really glad my week of weakness is finally over.

In other news, go see Over The Hedge.

Public Apology to the Nice-Seeming Girl On The Metro Who I Cut Off When The Door Chime Chimed
I only did it because I was afraid of being stuck on the train. I really appreciated you moving your hand to another pole in order to make room for my hand. I am sorry I did not afford you a similar courtesy and instead yelled out "are you kidding me?" to noone in particular when the driver chimed the door closing chime 20 seconds after the doors opened. I am also sorry that I then pushed ahead of you and out the metro door, not looking back until I was safely on my way up the escalator. It did look like you got off, though. So that's good. But I'm still sorry.

Singing in the Rain

Today, due to a series of unforeseen circumstances, Neil and I ended up walking at least 30 blocks in the pouring rain. It was awesome. So what if I am now chilled to the bone, so what if our clothes were soaked, it was great. It made me want to sing (in fact I did sing). There's something about getting soaked that is cleansing and not just because I got all wet. No, I wasn't in the mountains in New Mexico (my preferred location for getting completely soaked by a downpour) but the streets of DC were just fine. Neil thought I was slightly crazy for being so excited when the rain started pelting us, but I think he eventually came to see my position on the issue. Thank you rain.

In other news, only a little more than an hour before Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy come on. I am an addict. I confess. But Sunday night TV rocks. What does not rock is the fact that the season ends in another week and I will be stuck with a cliffhanger ending and nothing to watch. But maybe I will do something more useful with my Sunday evenings?

Something I have been meaning to blog about since mid-April:
Growing up in New Mexico, one becomes very familiar with a certain lawyer who not only advertises on television, but also has had a billboard on the I-25 corridor with his face on it for at least the past 20 years. In addition to knowing the words to Sesame Street and the 321 Contact theme song as a child, I could also recite -- with all the right inflection -- "I'm Ron Bell and I sue drunk drivers." I could also tell you that to reach Ron Bell, one only needed to dial 898-BELL. Finally, If I ran into him on the street -- not that I ever did -- I would have been able to recognize the short, curly-haired man in a heartbeat.

Flash forward 20 years. When we moved to Albuquerque, Neil also became familiar with Mr. Bell. Only, the tagline had changed to "Ron Bell: Truck Accident Attorney". The phone number was the same, the face also the same. I suspected plastic surgery, but then again, men do age more gracefully than woman.

In mid-April, while walking through the Chicago Midway airport on our way back to D.C. a woman Neil worked with in New Mexico came screaming across the wide aisle of the terminal, "NEEEEEIIIILLLLLLL!!!" Some hugging and catching up ensued. I was introduced and then, a small curly-haired man popped out from behind the woman, extended his hand and said, "Hi! I'm Ron Bell!" At this moment I desperately wanted to say, "I know. You sue drunk drivers. Nice to meet you." Similarly, Neil had a yen to say "Truck accident attorney?" We both managed to control ourselves and simply say, "Nice meeting you." Which was really a gift because Ron went on to tell us about having just come from a relative's briss in Schaumberg and how nice his new girlfriend (Neil's friend) was to come along to such an occasion. Now, how often to you get to hear a local celebrity ramble about a relative's briss?

Of course, after the encounter, Neil and I came up with many other great responses to poor Ron's initial introduction. What I wonder is, why not just say, "Hi I'm Ron."? If I ever meet him again, I think I will make that recommendation. If he only used the first name, people would still know who he was, but may not be so compelled to follow his introduction with one of his ubiquitous tag lines. Of course any man who plasters his face on a billboard for nearly two decades, would probably be thrilled to see that his marketing dollars have not gone to waste. I have his freaking phone number memorized. Maybe I should not have pretended not to know who he was. Perhaps I should have just come out with it. "And you sue drunk drivers. 898-BELL right?"

Delinquent Blogger

Oh my goodness, what happened to me???

This month:
Patty P. visited for the Cherry Blossom Festival during which we saw the most amazing flowers ever and toured the White House gardens.

Neil's aunt Bella visited and so did his cousins and we went to the White House and cherry blossoms with them, too.

We went to New Mexico where we saw my crazy family and it was actually really great. We got to breathe in mountain air, sleep with the window open, see stars in the sky, hang out with good friends over my dad's expertly made margaritas, spend quality time with family, eat green chile, walk on the plaza and basically, I got to feel my feet on the ground where I have roots, recharge my battery and get back on the airplane feeling happy to be going home even if a small part of me also felt like I was leaving home. Of course, we didn't even stop in Albuquerque and we didn't get to visit our old neighborhood or our old offices and co-workers etc. but there's always time to do that when we go back in Sept. for the as-yet-unplanned 10-year high school reunion...augh.

When we returned from NM, our dogs had basically stopped eating and now we have to sit with them for at least 20 minutes at meal time in order to get them to eat. I also returned to massive amounts of stress at work, but what's new. The good part is that the weather has been amazing. When there is blue sky in the morning and I don't have to wear a heavy winter coat, it feels as if the world is full of possibilities.

Right now, Neil's dad is in town and his cousin and her baby are also in town (separate from his dad). So the weekend will be busy with visitors. On Sunday, I am going to the Save Darfur Rally on the Mall. If you don't know about the genocide taking place in Darfur, educate yourself about it.

And finally, a thought from my long walk home from work today. iPods are awesome and amazing, but are they also a way of supressing the human urge to sing along? When people in the 80's carried boom boxes on their shoulders, singing to the music was the norm. But there is something about singing to a song nobody else can hear that is a tad disconcerting -- so most people do not do it. When you are accompanied by background music, you always sound better than when you try to go it alone. So I wonder is suppressing my urge to bust out singing on my daily commute is also making me less likely to sing at other times?

Clearly, I need to think less and get more sleep.
Ciao.

Border

I have been thinking about the border, about Mexico, about immigration since I moved to El Paso in the summer of 2000. Long before there was Sept. 11, before George W. Bush moved into the White House, before there was a national debate about "illegals", I began to ponder what a border really means.

In El Paso, there is a place called Monument One where the border between the U.S. and Mexico stops being a river and turns into a line in the sand marked by white obelisk that span for miles and miles. In some places there are fences, but in other places, the border is literally a line drawn in the sand. Living in a border city, it becomes apparent that the border is not a permanent line, an impermeable wall, something uncrossable like an ocean, it is porous, it is alive and it is filled with ambiguity. I fell in love with the border culture, with El Paso and Juarez and the people who inhabit the strange place where two nations meet. I even fell in love with the ambiguity of living on the border. I met people whose families struggled to make sure they were born in America and could have a better life. I met students who crossed the bridge and passed through customs daily in order to attend an American university. I met an engineer from the University of Michigan who crossed into Mexico daily to work in an auto plant and be around coworkers who spoke the language she loved.

I have two things to say about the immigration debate raging in Congress right now. First of all, why do the people in power suddenly care about this? We have millions of people living in our country and working in jobs that pay too low to attract American citizens. This is not a situation that cropped up overnight. This is systemic. Secondly, how on earth can this great nation of immigrants even consider not letting our neighbors stay? "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..." Our country is about freedom, it is about immigrants. Sure, the people who are illegally in our country should go through a process of immigration. And the immigration system should be fixed so that people don't feel the need to risk their lives in order to cross a line in the desert sand. Yes, we have national security issues to worry about, but we cannot build a bubble around the United States. Anyone who has lived on the border will tell you that there isn't a way to make us completely safe. It is never black and white. Laws may make improvements (if they are the right laws), but they cannot change the nature of our borders -- borders in general. Lawmakers need to really think about what they are doing and about what our borders mean and what they are - what our country means and what we stand for.

Lately

I haven't been around the internet lately. I am at work for so many hours and it's so intense that when I get home, I avoid a few things: the computer, the phone, reading, talking in general, thinking. This basically leaves me to watch TV or workout. Sure, I am exaggerating... but just a little.

Today has been a strange day. I had only a couple sips of coffee this morning because it tasted terrible. I suspect it was made incorrectly, that or the cream I put in had gone bad. Mmm. So anyways, I have been in a caffeine-less haze for most of the day. I accomplished a few things at work and was feeling pretty good for a few hours, but now I am experiencing the inevitable post-lunch crash. I had a taco salad (yum) which is pretty healthy and not too heavy, but it is still making me sleepy.

I finished reading the book Saturday by Ian McEwan last night (actually this morning...) I thought I didn't like the book while I was reading, but it turns out I really love it. The writing is really quite amazing and moving.

My friend Johnny has a cool new blog that is worth checking out. I am not sure why he is so anti-goat. Personally, I'm pro-goat. They are cute. They make tasty cheese. Johnny is the friend whose pants-burning New Years Eve party I attended -- he is completely wacky in all of the good ways.

In mid-April, I will be leaving D.C. for the first time since arriving here last November. It is about time for a short trip home to NM to see the family, breathe the mountain air, eat green chile and feel grounded for a moment. I am like a rechargable battery, always needing to return to my home base to gain the strength I need to carry on. Not the prettiest simile, but it works.

Clearly, I need some caffeine. For some reason, I am pleasantly reassured by my addiction to the stimulant. But I really have become dependent on it. Waiting until this late in the day to get my fill is completely crazy. Here's to a more caffeinated post next time.

Whelmed

I keep having all kinds of good ideas for blogging, but I am usually in a tunnel underground, walking someplace or in the shower when the ideas strike... never near a computer. I have been absent from this space lately not because nothing is happening, just because it's never convenient to write about it and when I can, I don't feel inspired. I think part of this might be the fact that I am so busy doing social/external things that my intellectual/private life has been ignored a bit. I am reading a lot still and I do have my daily walk during which I think and listen to music, but I am missing the restorative stillness that I used to incorporate in my days. I am not quite sure how to get that back.

On the other hand, I am having a blast. Work is hard, but I'm finally playing hard too. We go out on weeknights. We have plans. There are things to do. It's really nice.

Last weekend there was a warm spell that allowed Neil and I to spend Saturday rollerblading and getting slight sunburns. I got to wear sandals and sleveless shirts. It was amazing.

A couple of weekends ago my parents came to visit. Much fun was had. We went to a play, Fanny's First Play, which was very entertaining, we toured Mt. Vernon, we ate at amazing restaurants and just had a good time. It's nice to see family, especially being so far away from home.

Some things I have wanted to blog about but haven't had the chance:

*How deeply I love Grey's Anatomy (so much that I like to watch episodes over and over again)
*How being swamped at work is a major social problem
*My need to travel
*New music loves: Idan Raichal Project, Belle and Sebastian's Life Pursuit, Brandi Carlisle
*Strange encounters with DC people who want me to give them one of my dogs

Movie trivia bonus points to the reader that can tell me (in my comments section) which movie the title of this post comes from.

Things I Like on a Morning Commute

1. When I walk in the station, down the escalator unimpeded by fellow commuters and right onto a train.

2. Finding an open front corner seat.

3. Finding any open seat.

4. The absence of inclement weather.

5. The absence of shoving and angry glares.

6. The smiley metro employee who chats with me when he's working.

7. A cheerful/friendly -- even funny -- metro announcer.

8. The absence of delays.

9. When friendly drivers stop to let me cross the street (even when I am not using a crosswalk.)

10. When the iPod plays good music.

11. When people smile at me.

12. When I get to work on time.

Speaking of Human Elements

I have been thinking lately about people and connections and how we take a piece of everyone we know with us always. Even people I don't know anymore are with me every day -- whether they introduced me to a favorite song, or a new musician, a way of thinking, a phrase, a saying or mannerism -- I am always collecting parts of people.

It is the parts of people that I have loved the most that are the most easily identifiable. Maybe the longer you spend with a person, the more of them you carry with you? And what if the longer the length of time between when you last left each other, the more the parts of them you've collected become a part of you -- indistinguishable -- unattributed to their original source?

The sad part is that I miss all of the people I carry with me. I miss them all in varying degrees. From my fifth grade teacher to the boyfriend that I never kissed, to the kid I tutored after school, to the coworker who encouraged me not to cry during the first week of work when I was accosted by a creepy homeless man, and the first boy that I loved. I am always missing people. It's not the kind of missing that ruins my days. It's the sweet ache of absence and I feel it for all of my family and current friends who are spread all over the world -- and for the people I have lost along the way.

I have been listening to a song on repeat that made me think of all this: Skeleton on Display by Now It's Overhead. Of course, this song is about some love affair or another, but it touches me:

"Stepping out of skin we grew together in this life we're ending."

Don't we all grow skin together in our various relationships? We forge commonality, create bonds, sometimes we create our own language...

"I will always miss you
I will always miss you
I will always."

And the chorus makes me long for my grandfather, my best friend from freshman year of college and past loves all at once.

"I am a skeleton on display."

I suppose this is true about myself. I am the old heart on my sleeve cliche. I make myself vulnerable by allowing myself to miss people in the way that I do...but I think it's worth it

Good Little Communists

Lately, Neil and I have been using Zipcar to run errands like grocery shopping and taking the dogs to the groomer. All we have to do is go online, reserve a car and then walk a couple blocks where we use a card to open the doors and the keys are in the ignition. The system depends on the goodness of people. Each renter must pull out of the Zipcar spot, stop, get out of the car and put down an orange cone stored in the back seat to reserve the space. Any renter who drives until there is only 1/4 of a tank left is responsible for taking the gas card out of the glove box and filling up the tank of gas. All Zipcars have XM radio and renters need not worry about insurance -- like gas, it is covered by the hourly rate.

So yes, Zipcar is a bit like communism, but it works. Part of what makes us care about leaving the car clean and full of gas and returning it on time is knowing that other people like us might be picking the car up and the next time slot. It's all about the human element. If we took the car back to the rental shop and knew they'd be cleaning it and inspecting it, we would not care nearly as much -- it would be corporate -- not human. But Zipcar, with its cleverly named cars (Matrix Maddy), introduced the human element into their business and it makes me proud to participate in their communist-reminiscent car rental system... (of course, it's only the friendly customers who are communist... Zipcar is making bank.)

All Fall Down

Since moving to D.C. I have become the world's biggest klutz. I fell on the sidewalk in good weather two times. Completely fell. I blamed it on carrying too many things in my arms and being off balance -- which is probably true -- but still doesn't justify a complete wipeout... On Monday, there was snow and ice covering the sidewalk on the way to work. In spite of the fact that I was wearing snow boots AND being careful, I slipped on some black ice and fell smack on my tailbone. I like to think that I gracefully bounced back to my feet, but it's more likely that I looked hilarious and ridiculous with my big messenger bag and my snow boots and my work clothes all splayed on the sidewalk. This falling has become so commonplace that I have to laugh at it now. I mean, it's sad, sure... but it's also really funny.

I was thinking that I rarely, if ever, fall while skiing or ice skating or rollerblading. I can't remember the last time I fell skiing. I take major risks, ski way too fast, fly over jumps and bumps and still do not fall. Why then, do I so regularly come crashing down when just trying to walk along the sidewalk? I'm trying not to read anything into it.

New Hobby

I think that Dick Cheney should consider taking up a new hobby.

The fact that our vice president shot somebody in the face is completely mind boggling. I just do not even know what to say. Isn't there an entire battery of jokes about stupid hunting accidents?

White House

We had a tour of the White House at 7:30 Saturday morning. It was one of the tours you can get by sending a request to your senator or congressman and waiting a few months. So this past Saturday was our day. They had pre-cleared us by running our social security numbers through whatever government database necessary so getting in was relatively easy.. one id check, one metal detector and we were walking in the halls of the East Wing. The very first thing we saw upon entering was a photo of the State of the Union Address with the president in the middle and Neil right above his head in the press area. It was blown up and Neil' face was recognizable. So, for another couple of weeks, Neil will be on the walls of the White House, which, even if it is the Bush White House, is pretty cool.

The rest of the tour was interesting. Really, the White House is smaller than I thought. We only got to see the first floor, but the rooms aren't as humongous as you might imagine. Of course, they're beautifully decorated and every object in them is dripping in history... but my idealized image of the place was cooler than the actual place.

Noreaster

And finally, Washington D.C. was hit by a noreaster today. Really, we only got 6 inches of snow and most of it has already melted.. but it made for a beautiful, sparkly morning and an excuse to finally wear my snow boots.

American

Why is football so "American"? I am an American and yet, I don't really feel moved by football. I only recently learned to understand the game and to me, it still seems less exciting than most other sports. But tonight, millions of Americans are gathered around their TVs watching football and I am among them. But I am not sure why this tradition defines us. A bunch of big guys running into each other while trying to get a slippery football into the endzone...what's American about that? Everything, I guess...

***

I have bronchitis and have been sick since last Thursday. Not the most fun way to spend the weekend. Not much exciting has happened to me this past week as a result. I watched way too much TV and slept. Oh, and I had a nebulizer treatment at the doctor's office to open up my lungs. Thrilling...

Here's to more exciting things in the week to come.

Bummer

Today is kind of a bummer. For starters it's rainy and dreary outside and that's often enough to make me feel bummed. But then there's the news today: a shooting in a postal facility in CA in which 7 people died, the death of Coretta Scott King and now this: Senate Confirms Alito to the Supreme Court which is not at all unexpected, but still a big bummer. Still the kind of thing that makes my heart sink.

Neil has a pass to watch the State of the Union in person tonight... which is really cool, regardless of who the president is, but I don't think I could attend even if I had the chance. Last year, even though I was alone on my couch, I remember swearing at my tv and being incredibly angry the entire time. I think I even switched away from the speech for a big portion in the middle because I found watching it so maddening.

In other news, I think I have mentioned here before the fact that about 10 years ago, a former version of myself volunteered to plan the 10 year high school reunion for my class. And here we are, 10 years later and I am trying to get things going with the planning. The first step has been tracking people down that I've been out of touch with. With the help of Julia (the other class agent who foolishly volunteered 10 years ago) I am nearly finished with the tracking down. It's been really cool to reconnect with people and find out what everyone is doing. People are getting married, have babies etc. This process has also been a little sad because it's made me miss Carl, my freshman year boyfriend who died of brain cancer when we were seniors in college. And in a more abstract sense, it has made me miss myself. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I miss feeling invincible, I miss the heady friendships and the late nights and the crushes that were all-consuming and so incredibly important.

To add to all the nostalgia, I also happen to be reading Prep by Curtis Steinfeld at the moment. Britten recommended it to me a while ago and I suppose the timing could not be more perfect. The book is all about high school and while I did not attend boarding school, I did attend a prep school and some of the things in the book are so dead on with my experience that it's spooky.

I am sure there is more to say on this topic. Why do we make such a big deal in our society about events as they grow distant from us in ten year increments? Is it to remind us of who we were and where we came from, or simply to make us feel old and less accomplished than we'd hoped to be? Is it about reconnecting? And once we all reconnect, will we stay in contact or just wait until someone (probably me) sends out an e-mail in another 10 years and we start over again? Since when did I become so cynical?

I Just Heard...

Meet the Press is on in the background as I do my ritual Sunday morning e-mail check and someone being interviewed about the possible filibuster to block the Alito nomination just said, "Well, John Kerry can never afford to be nuanced again..." Which made me think about how much I love language and intelligence in combination... I would never have thought to say "John Kerry can't be a flip-flopper ever again if he wants to have a political career" quite like that. Not to mention the fact that I agree with the sentiment... wish I knew who said it.

Also on Meet the Press, they just showed polls that said the majority (53%) of those surveyed don't care if the government taps their phone calls!!!!! Who are these people? Why are they so eager to just give away their rights?

In other news, Andy is coming to town this afternoon...and I haven't seen him since I graduated THREE years ago... so I'm very excited.

It's rainy and dreary today... I'll survive, but it's days like this that make me miss the southwest.

Things I Love

1) Old friends
2) The cold air that rushes into my face and blows my hair back behind my head as a metro approaches in DC's metro tunnels.
3) Meeting new people
4)Discovering common ground
5)Reconnecting
6)Receiving news from afar
7)A really good political discussion or debate
8)The feeling of missing characters from a novel once I've finished reading it
9)The surprising way an unexpected apology, for a crime long ago forgiven but not forgotten, can fill me up and make me feel more complete than before.
10)Honesty
11)The affection of animals
12)The sense of accomplishment that comes from a well-written sentence
13)Family
14)The disorienting feeling of being in a foreign country
15)The ambiguity of borders
16)People who understand me better than I understand myself
17)Physical accomplishments and exhaustion
18)Full days
19)Fresh raspberries
20)Hot, milky coffee
21)Unexpected phone calls
22)Shared memories
23)Good comedy
24)Music that makes the bottom of my stomach drop out in that good way that makes me gasp for breath
25)Warm slippers
26)The feeling of sun on my closed eyelids
27)Seeing the talents of my friends and family
28)Travel
29)Pop culture
30)Internationalism
31)Information
32)Knowing the most current celebrity gossip
33)Making other people feel good
34)Passion
35)Sleeping in later than I should
36)Long hugs from people I admire
37)Looking in the eyes of someone who loves me as they look in mine
38)Owning current gadgets
39)Not owning a car
40)reminiscing
41)Knowing myself better each day
42)My cell phone
43)Spirituality
44)The aspens when they change colors in the Santa Fe Mountains each fall
45)Green chile
46)Franklin Mountain State Park
47)My iPod Nano
48)Unopened e-mail
49)Scrabble
50)Thinking about things I love...

My Worst Nightmare

There are few things that make my blood boil more than people who are pro-life. This does not meant that I don't count some pro-life people among my friends, but it does mean that we do not discuss the abortion debate when we're together. It is one of those things that I will never change my mind about. I believe that all women should have the power to choose what they do with their bodies. It's that simple. I believe this strongly and passionately. This does not mean that I cheer every abortion performed. I don't. But I want to know that I can have an abortion if that's something I feel I need to do for whatever reason. I want to know that every woman in America has the power of self determination. This is a free society, or at least it is supposed to be. Women should not become second-class citizens.

So yesterday on my way to work, I had to wade through streams of pro-life demonstrators as they flooded off the metro. There were probably thousands in sum and I came into contact with hundreds. They were perky little girls with hoodies that said things like "Abortion is America's Hidden Holocaust" on them. They were middle aged men, they were mothers and sisters and brothers. They looked really normal if you could ignore their "End Roe" signs. But as I walked past them, bumping into them, being shoved by their sheer numbers, I felt panic. All of these people want to take away my rights. They believe in what they believe for their own good reasons, but most likely they don't realize the consequences of what they're attempting to do. Back alley abortions, unwanted children, the marginalization of women... the list goes on. I wanted to go home and put on my walking shoes and hold my own demonstration... I know some pro-choice people did just that. But instead, I went to work, leaving it up to other people to decide on this issue that I care so much about. My own inaction was really my worst nightmare.

Odds and Ends

It's been a while. Not because I haven't had things to blog about... but because there's never a good time to do it. Lots of things have been happening this month.. below a few of the highlights.

1) Recently, Neil and I were walking home one evening when we saw and heard a street musician. He was a white man with a brownish grey beard and was probably between 45 and 60 and he was playing a guitar hooked up to an amp. As we approached we realized he was singing Johnny Be Good. (Note; I love street musicians. In college, I did my final photography project on street musicians. I spent weeks roaming around the city taking pictures of musicians wherever I could find them and dropping money in their buckets or violin cases. As a result of my affection for street musicians, I usually smile and have generally warm happy feelings when I see a street musician.) The man looked very dirty and worse for the wear, but I was still excited as we walked by him. The lyrics we heard are a follows: "He never ever could really read or write/But he'll fuck you in the ass..."
Neil and I were both completely shocked. I did a double take and then walked as quickly as possible away from Mr. Skeezy Street Musician. As soon as we were about ten paces away, we started laughing uncontrollably.
(my apologies for the swearing, but it was central to the story.)

2) Not too long ago I ran into a friend from elementary school on the street in DC. We exchanged phone numbers and that was that. Tonight, I went to dinner with Kate. She called and invited me out and her other friend from high school who I also know (or knew) was in town. To top it off, Kate has a friend from law school who went to Northwestern with me and while we didn't know each other, we had tons of friends in common etc. So the evening was spent reminiscing about high school, elementary school and college intermittently. It was great and while I had been apprehensive about having dinner with people I hadn't spoken to in ten years or more, I really enjoyed myself and relished the opportunity to reconnect.

3) I think I am becoming more Jewish. I know that sounds strange... but here goes. I work for a Jewish nonprofit. While it isn't anything I ever pictured myself doing, I have really been enjoying it and from the minute I had my interview, I knew it would be a good place to work. However, when I accepted the job, I told myself that I wasn't going to let myself get sucked in. I would not attend services and I would not feel obligated to become more observant than I want to be. (basically, I am not a religious person.) However, being here and working in a Jewish office, I have really begun to appreciate some things about my religion. My favorite friend from work is Orthodox and incredibly observant and at first I couldn't even wrap my mind around that. I did not understand how someone I have so much in common with could be so incredibly religious when I viewed that kind of extreme observance as oppressive. But I am starting to understand it. There is something so incredible about the community... about having Jewish community around you, about celebrating things with your friends and family etc. Today, I had lunch with my new friends after they went to services and it was great. We basically just hung out all afternoon talking and eating and enjoying each other's company and because it was Shabbat, there were no distractions. Nobody had anything better to do than to sit around in that apartment and talk. I am not going to become orthodox, I probably won't even begin attending services regularly, but it is really nice to understand, at last, a little bit more about Judaism and community and what religion can be that is positive...

Loss

I found out this morning that my friend, ballet teacher, piano teacher, mentor and a source of considerable inspiration died on Christmas Eve. He definitely has one of the best obituaries ever. Something tells me he either wrote it or gave specific instructions about what it contains. The world is just a little bit worse now that Zsolt no longer lives in it. But, he made a lot of peoples' lives a lot better for having lived.

Zsolt, I will miss you...

ZSOLT of Santa Fe died Dec. 24, 2005, after a long illness. He was a lifelong humanitarian, a monkish poet and good friend. A citizen of the world, he grew up in Boulder, Colo.; London; and Quito, Ecuador, and resided in Boston, Paris, San Francisco and Bern, Switzerland -- making Santa Fe his primary residence for the past 21 years. He is survived by his parents, Barbara and Alan Robb; recent housemates, Michael and Galen; and many other people of all ages who befriended and adopted Zsolt into their families. In lieu of sending flowers, take a few moments to read a passage from the Bhagavad Gita, the Tao Te Ching, or listen to Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. A celebration of life is tentatively planned for Jan. 8, 2006.

Brand New

It's a brand new year. 2006 seems like a good number to me. I like the way it looks. I like that it's an even number... there just seems to be something friendly about it, something appealing. Anyways, so far, this year is going well.

It started off in a somewhat drunken stupor, as all new years should. This year, Rachel and Brian were in town and we went to a party at one of Rachel's Dartmouth friends' houses. Neil and I actually knew Johnny from a few winters back when he lived in Santa Fe and interned at a magazine, so it wasn't completely weird -- we weren't surrounded by strangers. Anyways, we had a great evening of laughing, talking, standing by the fire and just enjoying the last hours of 2005. Sometime after 3 a.m. and shortly after I noticed daylight in the backyard through a window in Johnny's house (the fire got a little out of hand), we headed back to our apartment where the four of us ate french toast and went to sleep at 4. I cannot remember the last time I went to bed that late and it felt great.

The next morning, we met a group of people from the party at our favorite breakfast place, The Waffle Shop. The Waffle Shop is the kind of establishment that was built at least 50 years ago and when it was new, I am positive it was a shining beacon of modernism in the heart of the city, but hasn't been REALLY cleaned since opening day. I am not saying it's a dirty restaurant...the food is cooked in a clean environment, but the diner itself has not really been kept up. No changes have been made, no improvements, no deep cleaning. The food, however, is amazing. I believe they make the best waffles I have ever had. So, 2006 began with good company and an amazing waffle.

After brunch, we went for a walk on the National Mall and the weather was amazing. Neil even wore short sleeves. The walk was followed by a satisfyingly long nap and later I watched a cheesy movie. It was a great way to spend the first day of a new year. Here's hoping 2006 is as good as I think it will be.

Overthinking

In my daily perusal of the New York Times online, I came across a most interesting op-ed column that suggests the whole New Years Eve self reflection thing is a bit self-destructive. In fact, the article really says that we shouldn't think too hard about ourselves ever. While this might be going a bit too far, I found myself agreeing with the assertion. I am always so much happier when I take action, decide to do something or be something than I am when I sit around thinking about what I should do, who I am, how to live my life better etc.

The column quotes Aristotle who said, "We become just by the practice of just actions, self-controlled by exercising self-control, and courageous by performing acts of courage." This quote reminds me of the presentation I attended in Albuquerque where the woman said that according to studies happy people are risk takers and all you have to do to become a risk taker is take a risk. That advice is part of what made me decide that moving to DC was a good idea and I feel more courageous because we did it.

For my whole life since at least fourth grade, I have spend some time on the final day of the year to reflect on the past year and write resolutions for the new one. I will probably do this again this year, but with a little less gravitas. No reason to overthink it, apparently...

Desperation for Attention

Apparently, the student who said he was visited by the Department of Homeland Security after requesting a Mao book, was making it all up. This is disturbing and it seems as though he did it merely for attention. So, my anger from last week at the government was misplaced, and that's a relief, really. Like one of the student's professors said, it is safe to check out library books. Thank goodness.

But, I would like to point out that pre-Bush, had I heard a story like that, I would have immediately known it was made up. It might have even been laughable. But in today's environment, it was so far from far-fetched that I didn't bat an eye as to it's credibility. Hmm.

Meanwhile...

Christmas has come and gone. I am one of approximately six people worldwide (yes, I know that's an exaggeration) who had to go to work in an office today. I know all the retail people are slaving away at cash registers, but office workers, by and large, are just crawling out of bed. On my walk to the metro this morning, I felt like a crazy person because DC had become a ghost town. I passed approximately 2 people between my door and the metro station. Normally, I probably walk by at least 100 people each morning. The guard in the booth at the entrance to the building has the day off and everything is eerily quiet. I get the day after New Years off and will sleep in with reckless abandon as revenge for having to work on this dreaded day.

Amazing Abuse of Power

It was only a matter of time after moving to DC before I started my relentless political blogging again... here we go.

A co-worker sent me a link to this article today about a student who received a visit from the friendly Department of Homeland Security because he requested a book by Mao through a university inter-library loan system. This is so wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin.

I find it deeply disturbing that even materials in an academic context are reason for suspicion by the federal government. I also find it disturbing that the government might know what books I have been checking out and that now I have to think, when going to the library, about whether or not the titles I'm checking out will be on a watch list. There goes that good old American feeling of freedom. With all the news lately about the president and the authorized spying on private citizens without warrants, I feel like I am living under a government that's moving away from democracy and our Bill of Rights and toward dictatorship.

Jealousy

The other day, Neil and I were at one of our favorite restaurants and we came across a foreign language social group. A bunch of people were milling around with name tags speaking different languages. Their name tags specified the language they were there to practice and we watched as they paired off, stopped speaking English and got down to business. Really, it was pretty cool -- a great idea. But I couldn't help but to think they were all really nerdy. Now I wonder if that was, in fact, the case, or if I'm just jealous that they all speak a second language and I don't.

Wow

I can't believe he took responsibility! I don't like him any better, but this is still a good thing he's done. When was the last time 43 admitted he was wrong???

Snow

It is really amazing how, in a world filled with so many unpleasant things, on some mornings, we wake up and everything is covered in sparkling white crystals. This morning, I got to make fresh tracks in the snow as I walked across the mammoth suburban parking lot I cross each morning. Normally, I think about what a waste of space the big chunk of asphalt is. Today I thought about how awesome the snow was and how satisfying it was as it crunched under my shoes.

Welcome to the Coke side of life...

That is the new slogan for Coca Cola. I am sure their commercials are amazing and inspirational and will make me feel the need to drink their cola to be cool, but what a lame tagline. Couldn't they come up with anything better?

It's supposed to snow here in DC tonight and have sleet and icy rain tomorrow. They are even talking about possibly not opening the office in the morning, which would be great. My mom and dad arrive this afternoon (before the storm is set to hit). There's something I really love about having family around when it's cold and snowy outside.

Last night, Neil and I cleaned our apartment and it was nice because a) we now have a clean clean apartment and 2) it took about 1/3 the amount of time it used to take us to clean our house. I kept wandering around wondering what we'd forgotten to do, but then, we had extra time and got to drink some wine and talk about Neil's lunch at the White House. That's right, he went into the heart of enemy territory and had lunch with a White House staffer that ran the campaign in NM in 2004. I'm currently reading Full Disclosure, and the White House Mess is mentioned quite frequently, so I am fascinated by the whole thing. I'm a tad jealous Neil got to go, but I can wait until there's a less evil administration in office.

Things

1.) I still have no idea why people from all over the world are viewing my April 2005 archives. I will admit that it was a good month for blogging, but who are these people? If any of you read this, please please comment and tell me what's so interesting there. I removed the naked man painting...Is it the worst haircut contest winner?

2.) My parents are coming to visit this weekend. We're going to a Red Wings game and to the lighting of the Capitol Christmas Tree (which happens to be from New Mexico this year). I am sure my mom and I will also find some way to squeeze in some shopping. Anyways, we're all ready for them now that Rachel and Brian tested out our air mattress.

3.) This past weekend an Indian food restaurant opened beneath our apartment. We've been watching them build it for weeks. The restaurant is on street level and we live on the sixth floor, but on opening night, our whole apartment smelled like Indian food. I like Indian food, I like how it smells, but not on my clothes and in my bed. Really, it's a smell that is only good when you're hungry. I think they fixed the problem, but won't be sure until they cook again tomorrow at their opening night. Apparently last Saturday was just practice. I was packing our boxes in my head when I first started smelling it, but the people on floors lower than us were REALLY up in arms and ventilation system modifications were made. So my fingers are crossed that I won't be plunged into a spicy smelly existence come Wednesday.

4.) Also this past weekend, after a trip to Eastern Market, I recognized a person passing me on the street and discovered that it was Kate Mayer, my old friend from elementary school in Santa Fe. In fact, she was valedictorian at her high school senior year and made history for giving a speech about all the problems with public education in NM. They banned student speeches after that. It was great to see her and on a broader level, to see a familiar face in my new city. As it turns out, Kate works in a building right next to our apartment building.

5.) And finally, last Friday, Neil and I attended a formal holiday party for Northwestern alumni living in DC. I put on my black strapless cocktail dress, Neil his Italian suit and we went to a hotel near our apartment (Hotel Washington) where we were directed to a ball room all decorated in purple balloons and purple banners. It was a little more school spirit than I had experienced in a while and a little more awkward cocktail conversation,too. But we had a great time. We saw a few people we knew from school that we didn't know were living here. Perhaps most importantly, we ran into Nadia, our friend who was a couple years behind us in school and dated one of Neil's roommates. We had completely lost touch with her and it was great to catch up and, for me, to find another girl friend to hang out with in D.C. So here's to awkward alumni functions.

It is absolutely freezing here and there's even some snow on the ground. Here we go... East Coast Winter...

Number 5,212 that I love my iPod

I love my iPod because if I wear the headphones on my walk to and from the metro in the mornings and evenings, I can't hear the occasional crazy homeless person who screams at all the people who walk by. When I do hear these people swearing and yelling at me, my adrenaline kicks in, my heart races and I feel sad as well as scared. With the iPod, I know they're yelling, but I can listen to Death Cab for Cutie instead and keep walking.

House Guests Are Fun
Just because we downsized from our 3-bedroom house to a 1-bedroom apartment, didn't mean we'd be stopping our grand tradition of house guests. Last week, Rachel came to an Anthropology conference and stayed with us for most of the week and on Saturday, her husband Brian drove from NC to pick her up and hang out with us for the weekend. We had so much fun! All my fears about being overcrowded were unfounded and it was really great to have some really good friends visit. We went to the new bar/bowling alley in our neighborhood, attended an open house at a way-too-fancy hair salon and got free drinks and hair stuff, ate pie at Kramer's Books, walked through a flood of Andre Boticelli fans in the metro, ate sushi, went to Eastern Market, toured the Museum of the American Indian...etc. It was a great week and weekend.

Who are you people?

Ok. So normally I get about 15-20 hits on my blog a day, over the last couple of weeks I have noticed that I'm getting hundreds of hits a day and they are all starting on the page from the April archives where I have pictures from my trip to Italy. One of them, which I have removed, was of a painting in the entry of a house that showed a man without clothes. It was a little more graphic than I can explain here because I am not interested in hundreds of people going to this page daily any time soon.

Anyways, the people viewing my pictures from Italy were from all over the world (Egypt, Serbia, France, Italy, Russia, Denmark, Sweden, Finland etc.) All I can imagine is that my blog is the subject of someone's e-mail forward? In any case, while I am all for blog traffic, it's a little creepy that so many people I do not know have been browsing my vacation photos. The other thought that crossed my mind was, "What if they are all making fun of me?" (I think this question mainly came up because I am paranoid and a little narcissistic.) Whatever the case, that many people going to a page buried in the archives cannot be good. I'm hoping the removal of the photo will make them all go away so that my family and friends and occasional random strangers are the only ones frequenting this blog.

Ten Years!

Yesterday I found someone I hadn't talked to in almost ten years. I had been wondering about him on and off and had looked online a few times, but nobody I knew knew where he was or what happened to him. Yesterday, I got an e-mail from him and I was elated. I had no idea that reconnecting with him would make me so happy. My whole life I have had this need to keep my friends close. I like to know where people are, what they're up to, how to call them if I want to chat and I hate losing people. So finding Patrick was a really wonderful thing and knowing a little bit about what he's been up to all this time makes me feel a tad more complete.

Multitasking

My friend Rachel and I just decided that the word "multitasking" is really a way of saying "getting absolutely nothing done."

Packed

In the spirit of being exciting city people, we have a packed weekend coming up. Rachel and Brian are visiting. Tomorrow night we're going to the new bar/bowling alley that is opening down the street. Friday is the formal Northwestern alumni holiday party, Saturday is hang out with Rachel and Brian day. I'm really looking forward to all the fun.

Adventure Test

My friend Britten sent me the following quote today and it confirms that moving to D.C. was, in fact, an adventure. I had been saying it was all along, but now it's official:

"The test of an adventure is that when you're in the middle of it, you say to yourself, 'Oh, now I've got myself into an awful mess; I wish I were sitting quietly at home.' And the sign that something's wrong with you is when you sit quietly at home wishing you were out having lots of adventure."

--Thornton Wilder

I am happy to say, that I have not yet returned to my apartment after work and thought about how I wish I was out having adventures. Every day is still an adventure. Now the problem is (and I think this is what Mr. Wilder was getting at)that eventually what's adventurous right now will become something ordinary and I will long for adventure again. And once I come up with a new way to have an adventure, I will, at some point along the way, wish to be back in my cozy apartment in D.C. But this is just the nature of change, really. We resist change just as we crave it. I suppose the challenge is finding ways to continually create adventures for ourselves.

Aahhh

There's nothing like a four-day weekend to make going back to work on Monday dreadful. In spite of the pain of waking before the sun was fully up this morning, I really enjoyed the Thanksgiving vacation. We went to our friends Ben and Robyn's apartment for Thanksgiving dinner and it was delicious and fun. Also, it was much better than making some Thanksgiving sides at home and just having Neil and myself to eat them... that was the alternate plan until we got invited to Ben and Robyn's.

Earlier that day we got to spend time with our friends Topher and Lotus who were in town visiting Topher's dad. It was great to see them, even if it was a brief visit.

The Friday after Thanksgiving was the best day ever. I say this because my husband actually suggested we got to the mall where I got a much needed new coat, and then willingly went to two movies in a row. I can't think of many better activities than attending two movies in a row and I hadn't done it since college because Neil isn't a movie freak like me. Also, normally, trips to the mall are not Neil's idea, but mine and then I feel like I'm torturing him the entire time. In any case, Friday was perfect.

Saturday was also a lot of fun. We had lunch at the Native American Museum because they have authentic Native American Cuisine including Navajo Tacos (although they call them Indian Tacos) with green chile! I am a big fan of Navajo tacos which basically consist of fry bread covered in beans, tomato, lettuce, cheese, onions and green chile. At the museum, however, they have a buffalo chili on top which includes beans and then the rest of the ingredients. I was wary of the chili since I don't eat much red meat and especially not buffalo, but it was really good and I felt like I was at home (almost). After lunch, we walked to the Washington Monument to find out about going to the top, then we walked around the White House (or the large perimeter that surrounds the White House) When were at the closest point, the police cleared everyone out and closed the street. We waited for a while to see what was going on but the only clue we got was that one officer asked the crowd of gawkers if anyone had left a CVS shopping bag behind. So maybe it was a suspicious shopping bag? It was strange, there were at least three men with long photo lenses in the crowd taking pictures, but who knows what they were of. Neil and I got too cold so we left. It was curious to say the least.

After that we went to the zoo where we saw both adult pandas, but not the baby. We also saw a hippo up close (a first for me) and some other animals, but Neil was freezing so we left the zoo and went home.

On Sunday, we went to the top of the Washington Monument (cool, but not amazing), locked ourselves out of our apartment (thank goodness the front desk guy has a key), and took a four-hour nap (nope, I am not kidding).

All in all, it was a great weekend and it helped us to feel a little more like DC is home.

Observations upon being in DC for approximately three weeks

1. On F street near Chinatown, there is a green official-looking street sign right below the F Street NW sign that says Fun Street in a fun font. Neil and I sometimes skip while crossing Fun Street in order to induce fun.

2. On one of the longest escalators ever coming up from the Dupont Circle metro, a sign says "Hold Handrail on Escalator" or something like that. So I put my hand on the rail and stood on the escalator only to notice my hand moving forward faster than the rest of me. I though I was imagining it until I was almost touching the butt of the woman in front of me.

3. Every morning, I have a 15-20 minute walk from the metro stop in Maryland to the building where I work. I get to walk by generic suburban strip malls and then through a giant parking lot. It's not a glamorous route. To make matters worse, every morning I walk by a Starbucks that I can't actually get to because along the sidewalk is an iron fence. The fence is low and if I were wearing jeans and sneakers, I could surely hop it, but in work clothes, I'd be crazy to try. To walk around the fence takes an extra 7 minutes because it wraps along the sidewalk and then curves with the driveway. I would plan ahead and leave home early if it guaranteed coffee, only, once I get to Starbucks and around the fence, there's often a line so long that I have to leave without getting any coffee. Of course, the glass on the doors is always in a glare when I'm on the outside of the fence trying to determine if I should make an attempt. Most mornings, I take a big sniff of the caffeinated air outside the Starbucks and walk along the fence drafting letters in my head to the fence owners about putting in a gate.

Moving in, Moving on

We arrived at our new apartment building in the morning on a Friday. I had scheduled the move in at least a month prior, and yet, they didn't have us scheduled. So, we had to beg them to let us into the loading dock. Eventually they did and our movers showed up and took all of our things out of the truck, up the elevator and into our apartment. Overall, it was really smooth. A hamper handle got broken along with something else, but I don't even remember what. None of our things were dirty or otherwise damaged. So, perhaps, driving our stuff across the country in a Penske truck (like turtles, our whole house on our back) paid off.

Unfortunately, our landlord had not cleaned the apartment prior to our arrival as promised and it was gross, but within two days, we had a cleaning crew come in and clean and the landlord paid. We went to Ikea with the truck and bought small furniture to facilitate storage. We built the furniture (two bar stools, one wooden chair, one desk, one cabinet for the bathroom, one glass cabinet for art, one wooden shelf unit for a closet and one metal shelf unit for the pantry) and unpacked everything by Sunday evening. If we didn't know already, this experience was proof that both Neil and I are very anal. All of the other people we talked to about the move looked at us like we were insane when we said we'd broken down the final box on Sunday afternoon. But regardless of possible insanity, we felt great once we were all moved in. (I mean even the art was hung on the walls...)

Our apartment, even if it's half the size of our house in Albuquerque, is awesome. We somehow have enough space and it doesn't even feel crowded. Add to that the fact that we get lots of natural light and the dogs seem to like it a lot. Also, we have a great gym and a roof deck with pool, and a party room with a pool table and a movie theatre and so on. We really like where we live. The neighborhood, Chinatown/Penn Quarter, is awesome. We're about five blocks from Ford's Theatre and the house where Lincoln died (I am a big Lincoln fan) We're blocks from the Smithsonians and even closer to the National Archives where we can visit the Constitution and Declaration of Independence whenever we feel like it. We have a big multiplex theatre nearby as well as several live theatres. There's an Ann Taylor Loft and an Urban Outfitters (two chains that do not yet exist in NM)just down the street. It's really exciting.

We're still exploring the neighborhood and making new discoveries. Last night we ate at Wok 'N Roll, a Chinese and Japanese restaurant in the historic Mary Surratt boarding house where John Wilkes Booth and his co-conspirators are said to have hatched the plan to assassinate Lincoln. Our building adjoins to another condo complex called the Clara Barton because it's built above the original house where Clara Barton set up her office for missing soldiers. They're restoring it right now and soon it'll be a museum. Being surrounded by so much history is really fascinating.

At home, in New Mexico, the history was different. I was immersed in different stories. Pueblo revolts, conquistadors, the Apache trail of tears. Growing up, I thought of the New Mexico history as my own. But, I also thought of U.S. history as my own. In 5th grade, I made my parents take me to D.C. so I could see everything -- the Star Spangled Banner, Ford's Theatre, Mount Vernon, the Constitution...And now I live here, a new place with its own history -- a history that I identify with, too.

New Life

I am back and I have a new life!

First of all, the gala dinner at my old job on my second to last day of work was awesome. I still don't know the totals for what we raised, but I think it was at least $26,000 if not a little more. People showed up all dressed up and the food was awesome and the entertainment was great. Before I left the next day, my boss told her that one of the long-time credit union movement people told her it was the best credit union event in the history of the state, which made me feel really great. In addition, I am just thrilled to have raised so much money for the hospital.

So after the great event, I had one more day of work. I actually cried when I left the office for the last time. It was surprising to me... I knew I was sad, but I didn't realize how sad. Apparently I set all the women off crying too, and it continued on well after I left. Ugh. That night, we had invited friends to meet us at Q Bar (a cool bar popular with the political crowd and the media) between 9 and 11 to say goodbye. We got there at 9 and nobody was there so we felt like losers, but shortly thereafter, a ton of people showed up. Everyone from our city council member friend and his wife to a state legislator, to people from Neil's work and our personal friends. It was really nice to see everyone one last time and it felt good that they all took the time to show up. I did a bad job of inviting people from my work (i.e. forgot to send a mass e-mail) and felt dumb about that, but at least I had the opportunity to say goodbye to all of them the previous week.

The weekend was spent packing and saying goodbye to my family. We went to The Melting Pot for my early birthday that Sunday night, which was a lot of fun and one of the first times we were all together in a long time when we've laughed and felt comfortable. I am grateful for that for sure.

The next morning, the movers were an hour and a half late, but then did an awesome job loading or 16-foot truck. It was almost completely full and our house was empty and we locked the doors, loaded the dogs into the cab and drove away.

The first night we stayed in Oklahoma City with Sophia, a friend we met thought Neil's work in El Paso who is working at a TV station in OKC. It was great to see her and she was sooo nice and let me take a bath in her big tub. Our dogs were the worst behaved that night and barked on and off throughout the night which made me feel soooooo guilty. Sophia was really nice about it, I still have a feeling we should send some flowers.

The next night we stayed in Memphis with our friend Mary from college who we hadn't seen in five years. On the way there, once we were officially in "the South" I actually saw a confederate flag hanging on the side of the freeway. That was a completely weird experience. We also saw the Clinton Library in Little Rock (but didn't go in). Mary lives in a really nice house in Memphis and we got to go to dinner with her and her boyfriend, Michael, who was really nice. Then we stayed in her guest room and the dogs were quiet and the bed was so comfortable. I wished we could have spent more time catching up, but we had to leave early for our longest day of driving the next morning.

Our final night was spent in Chapel Hill, NC where Rachel and Brian live. We were overdue to visit them and check out their new home and meet their new dog, so it was great to be there. The following day, we hung out for the morning and got to see some of Rachel's favorite places and take a tour of the UNC campus. I was struck by how beautiful North Carolina is and what a cool community there seems to be in Chapel Hill. Also, Rachel took me to the coolest art store that sells toys that are art. They all look like Japanamation characters, but come from all over the world. (I did a terrible job describing that)

That day we drove to D.C. and stayed in a hotel and got ready to move in the following morning. Overall, we drove about 2,200 miles in four days. It was a good road trip, but there wasn't enough time to see what we were driving past. In spite of enjoying our time on the road, I'm glad I don't have to drive back anytime soon.

Stay tuned for -- The Move In...

It's been a while...

I'm back. Maybe only briefly, but here I am. Sorry for the silence lately. Here I am with only 2.5 days left of work, a whole house to finish packing and a new life waiting for me on the other side of the country. It's been possibly the most stressful few months of my life, but I am hoping it all pays off soon.

We start our cross-country drive (in a moving truck) on Monday and are due to arrive at our new apartment at 9:30 a.m. Friday. On the way, we're staying with friends in Oklahoma City, Memphis and Chapel Hill. It should be fun. I actually think that as soon as we get our belongings packed into the truck and drive away from our house, I will be able to take a deep breath and begin to enjoy myself.

Right now, however, I'm thinking about the gala dinner taking place tomorrow that I'm the co-chair of. We're set to raise about $26,000 for the local children's hospital in one night which feels pretty good. I just hope everything goes well tomorrow night. It is scary being responsible for such a big event. Plus, all the attendees paid quite a bit to attend so they need to enjoy themselves. Needless to say, I am nervous.

Anyways, I promise there will be more inspiring blog posts soon.... hang in there...don't give up on me yet

Clean Carpet

Right now a man is in my house cleaning my carpet. He has already removed a giant stain that has been there for a month or so and came from my overzealous use of stain remover. (how ironic, I know) He has also made the room considerably less smelly. It got smelly this weekend when the dogs got sick and couldn't get to their dog door and went to the bathroom all over the living room. This event is the reason I had to call the carpet cleaning people and will be paying them $150 in a little while once they're done extracting all the urine from the carpet. Lovely.

Cleaning the carpet was the last thing I really wanted to do right now. I planed to do it when we were moved out -- you know, to leave it in good condition for whoever we sell or rent it to. But, I suppose you don't really get to plan these things.

We're in the middle of two weekends of house guests which is fun, but exhausting. Oh, and that whole thing about how we're MOVING IN TWO WEEKS!!!! But at least we'll have clean carpet...

Losing It?

I think it is entirely possible that I am losing my mind. It's a slow process.. but it's happening. I am trying to do so many things at once and tie up so many loose ends that my mind is becoming a loose end. I have been typing things I don't mean to type (for example, I wrote "let me know" instead of "I'll let you know") I've been forgetting to do things, spacing out mid-sentence and am basically a frazzled basket case.

Sleep has been pretty much impossible this week. So I am sure that's not helping matters at all. There's nothing like the combo of stress and lack of sleep to make one feel a bit dumber than usual.

Hired and not Homeless

I have a job! I have an apartment! I can finally move on to blogging about more interesting topics!

I was in D.C. for five days with my mom and on the second day (first full day) I got hired to be a PR and Marketing Director at an awesome nonprofit in Maryland (a 30 minute metro ride from where I will be living). After accepting the job offer, my mom and I went back for a second look at an apartment we first saw Thursday evening and I decided to rent it. It's a one-bedroom in a great building in the Penn Quarter neighborhood. The building has a roof deck and a rooftop pool and a movie theatre for residents to screen DVDs and a community room with a pool table. It's awesome. So, in one day my two big big worries were taken care of. (insert big sigh or relief here.)

The rest of the trip was spent shopping and it was fun and exhausting. I had a really good time just hanging out with my mom without the stress of either of our jobs weighing on us.

I am sure there is more stress in my future.. (how to get rid of a bunch of our stuff so we fit into our apartment, how to retrain the dogs for apartment living, how to unload our stuff once we get to D.C., adjusting to a new job and new life...) The list goes on... but I am really excited about all of it, even if it will be a pain in the butt. Adventure here I come...